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Monday, April 27, 2020

Cheap Video Reviews: Samurai: Reincarnation

Samurai: Reincarnation

Samurai: Reincarnation opens with Chapter 'Hell' - Part 1 where we get a history lesson about a battle between Christians and Shoguns 350 years ago in which the Shoguns killed 20,000 Christians and then cut a lot of their heads in half so they could claim they killed 45,000.

Samurai entertainer.

Cut to a Samurai celebration party, and it's not your typical party scene. Everybody is sitting around quietly by a fire, still wearing their armor. The entertainment is a guy doing tai chi with a sword. For a celebration, it’s pretty low energy; even with the inclusion of decapitated Christian head trophies hanging in the background, occasionally illuminated by lightning flashes even though it isn’t raining.

Out of nowhere, one of the heads defies gravity, zooms across the room and into the bonfire, which emits a shower of sparks. When the smoke clears, all the samurai are either dead or unconscious. The only guy left standing is our tai chi swordsman. He casually strolls off the stage like it's just another day at the office. Oh, and he pets one of the Christian heads, because why not?

Petting a Christian head.

Now, the guy begins speaking, in badly dubbed English. It is apparent he is possessed by a spirit and is not the same guy who was doing tai chi with a sword earlier. Now he is just a vessel for a ghost. Turns out, he's a fallen Christian, reincarnated as a samurai, and he's got vengeance on his mind. He begins crying and wailing about how he will avenge the fallen Christians, "As of tonight, I shall part with you, my brothers...So be it, I swear! Hear me in Heaven! From this moment on, I shall abandon you! There shall be no brotherly love! I shall do what you failed to do! I shall wreck a vengeance on the entire world"!

Chapter 'Hell' - Part 2 takes us to "Kumamoto - In the Realm of Higo"; specifically at, "Taisho-Ji - Lord Hosokawa's Family Temple". The reincarnated samurai (I think his name is Shito) is conducting an occult ceremony.

Shito's occult ceremony.

Shito's got a woman's body lying on the floor, and he's channeling the spirit of Hosokawa's dead wife. After the possessed body settles down, they have a chat,

Shito:"I have come here to fulfill your pathetic prayer to be reborn in the world of the living".

Woman:"Oh, you ignorant fool" [laughs].

They go on and on, then Shito comments, "Your reputation for chastity is dimmed by having lived days of carnage with your husband". Days of Carnage!

Lady Hosokawa as she was before.

Their dialogue goes back and forth, and Shito drops lines like, 'Your reputation for chastity is dimmed by having lived days of carnage with your husband.' Yep, days of carnage! Shito knows Lady Hosokawa pretty well because he adds, 'You were obliged to die in a most reluctant manner.' Cue a flashback where Lord Hosokawa is upset because his Christian wife stopped sleeping with him, so he arranged her fiery demise.

Chapter 'Hell' - Part 3 consists of a master swordsman sitting in his samurai armor lamenting that he has, "Nothing to do but wait until age 62 to die of old age", since nobody can kill him in battle.

After an extensive rambling monologue, the master swordsman is approached by Shito and Lady Hosokawa; who are going around reincarnating people into a private army. When approached about the prospect of reincarnation, the master swordsman swings his sword then falls down for no apparent reason. Shito then reincarnates him. Maybe they should just call this, "possession," rather than "reincarnation."

Finally, to end everything on an up note, a guy wearing an eyepatch barges in and disrupts everything, then leaves.

An apparent misogynist.

Chapter 'Hell' - Part 4: By this point in the film, I start realizing that all the chapters of this movie will be "Hell" chapters. Maybe it was intended to be a trilogy with this film being the "Hell" segment. Well, it is that.

This chapter opens with a guy passing two women on a staircase. He says, "Wait", under his breath then suddenly murders both of them out of the blue. Then we see everything return to as it was before. The murder only occurred in the man's mind. He is, apparently, a misogynist.

Murder victim.

Things go from bad to weird fast as a veiled woman approaches from the left. She is laughing at the misogynist, "Ha Ha Ha!! Why are you always dreaming of killing females"?

She opens her veil to reveal that she either has a ghost head or is wearing a ghost mask; then her voice booms, like an announcer yelling through a megaphone, "Why restrain yourself from sexual desire? The female skin is beautiful." At this point, she shows the man her breasts.

After seeing the ghost's breasts, the misogynist tries to kill the ghost, but she is too fast for him. He ends the chase and proclaims, "All the aesthetic practice I've done could not put out the flame of my carnal desire". Then he stabs himself.

The ghost reveals herself as Lady Hosokawa before the dying misogynist. This is somehow significant, but I wasn't paying enough attention to pick up on any subtleties.

Chapter 'Hell' - Part 5: This part is set in a secret Iga Ninja village: A younger guy walks into the Ninja village with kids swarming all around him. One of the kids asks, "Did you bring a rabbit"? The dubbed English voice was that of an adult, so it was weird to hear a kid talk like that.

The guy smiles and pulls a rabbit out of his shirt for the kids. Everything is fine until the village is suddenly bombarded by flaming arrows. There's a big battle scene, but nothing worth saving video captures of. For a battle scene, it was pretty unremarkable.

Shito and his crew are still going around reincarnating dead and dying people, so of course they show up here. They approach the younger guy this time. When he asks why Shito chose him for reincarnation; Shito says he chose him, "out of sympathy" but doesn't offer any further explanation.

Eyepatch.

Suddenly, the guy with the eye patch reappears! Shito's crew charges Eyepatch on horseback, but he jumps straight up in a tree so they can't reach him.

Shito asks, "When did you turn into a monkey"? Shito's crew thinks this is hilarious and everybody is laughing their asses off. They ride off with some parting words, "We'll meet again in the future."

Eyepatch says to himself, "Something strange is about to happen."

I stopped keeping track of the Chapter 'Hell' divisions at this point. Just trying to watch the movie took all my energy.

Around this point is where the whole subplot began about Shito sowing discontent among the Shogun's people. They are living in a feudal system in which they pay taxes to the shogun in exchange for permission to farm the land he owns. So, Shito starts cursing the land by occult means. He is chanting over a fire while one of his crew is dropping snakes into the flame.

Shito: "Wheat will whither and die. Soil will rot. Ameeeeen."

Greatest swordsmith in the world.

Now the scene changes and we see Eyepatch visiting the greatest swordsmith in the world who is living in exile on a mountaintop with his step-daughter who plays the flute.

Eyepatch drops in and requests, "a sword that can cut evil demons."

The swordsmith repeats, "A sword that can cut evil demons". He becomes philosophical and comments, "Evil will always thwart evil" and Eyepatch's only hope is, "a sword that was fashioned by me - one with an evil soul."

The step-daughter objects, "Please! My father has used all his strength on his last sword"!
Eyepatch says he needs the sword, "to kill Musashi" (Musashi is the reincarnated great samurai who had nothing to do besides wait to die at age 62). Musashi is also this girl's real father! wtf?

When the girl objects that Musashi is already dead, Eyepatch tells her, "He is back as a ghost. I saw it with my own EYES!

Eyes!! Plural! He is the guy with the eyepatch! He only has one eye. The translator must have been just listening to the dialogue and not paying much attention to the movie's action, which I would totally understand.

Warding off Musashi.

Suddenly the house shakes violently.

Eyepatch:"Do you keep a sword in the house"?

Swordsmith:There is none".

Eyepatch:"Not even a short sword"?

Swordsmith:"There is none"!!

Musashi is approaching until his daughter starts playing the flute, which makes him emotional, and prompts him to leave.

Shito's gay kiss.

The greatest swordsmith in the world agrees to forge the sword. "To destroy that sort of evil spirit, I'm sure that only I can make such a sword" (because he is personally so evil).

This is followed by completely unnecessary footage of the forging process. Two guys pounding metal by fire light. It goes on forever.

The action goes back to Shito and his crew. Shito is talking to the younger guy, telling him he is "too young to be a fully matured spirit of the darkness."

Then he gives him a gay kiss and asks, "Do you understand"?

Lustful encounter.

The younger guy does not understand, because in the next scene, he is approaching a young girl who is playing the flute next to a river in the sunshine. He begins accosting her, and tells her, "I love you!"

She responds, "Alright! Just go away!"

He lets the girl run away; then he begins to cry.

Eyepatch appears and states, "I see there is still some sense left in you...more or less."

The younger guy is crying like a girl now and lamenting, "I feel tormented"! He asks Eyepatch to please kill him.

As Eyepatch is about to cut off the younger guy's head, the younger guy starts singing. This singing affects Eyepatch on some undisclosed level, prompting him to stop and declare, "You must go on living."

Back on the mountaintop, the sword is finally finished, then the master swordsmith dies. He last words were, "If you encounter God, God will be cut. If you encounter an evil spirit, the evil spirit will be cut. This is the greatest sword I ever made."

Eyepatch responds, "I am truly gratified."

All hell is breaking loose in town. The farmer's are rioting. They don't want to pay taxes on lousy farmland and they are rising up against the local magistrates.

Lady Hosokawa takes another form and is telling the head magistrate, "Oh look, my lord! A deer"! Under some magical influence, the magistrate sees deer instead of angry townspeople and he starts shooting them all with arrows! So, if the villagers didn't think highly of him before, they think a lot less of him now.

Crucifixion scene.

Next up is a mass crucifixion scene with angry farmer protesters. It is not clear whether the magistrate still thinks he is crucifying deer, or if he is now crucifying a different group of villagers.

Something possesses one of the female villagers to take her shirt off and go into a frenzy (I couldn't get a good video capture because she was moving around too wildly). Then the crosses begin to glow. The shit hits the fan and Shito convinces the villagers to burn down the shogun's castle.

Glowing crucifixes.

When they all run off, Eyepatch is cremating the dead on a bonfire until he is at last challenged by Musashi. Musashi wants a one-on-one dual on an island beach.

Eyepatch accepts the challenge, despite protests from Musashi's daughter. "It is, perhaps, the way of the sword; and that is the path I have chosen."

Musashi on the beach.

The next day, Eyepatch meets Musashi on the beach. The greatest swordsmith in the world's step-daughter is there as well, playing her flute; hoping to discombobulate Musashi again.

When he hears his daughter's flute-playing, Musashi declares, "I have no room in my heart for tender emotions. Listen to the flute as I smash your skull into thousands of pieces." He is brutal.

Emotional flute music.

This dialogue is followed by a great (and by "great", I mean "boring") sword battle on the beach with flute music in the background. Eyepatch wins.

The rest of the film is mass chaos. Farmers are burning the shogun's castle. Mass carnage is everywhere. Lots of fire and killing. The estate's Lord is fighting for his life and is getting along fine. He is a great swordsman.

Lord of the estate.

Shito is egging everything on. He fights the estate's Lord and reminds him the whole point of all of this is to avenge the massacred Christians.

Eyepatch shows up to put an end to this nonsense once and for all. Shito tries to tempt him with immortality, but Eyepatch declines; stating, "I do not believe in anyone having eternal life. Above all, I cannot allow you to exist."

When Shito declares, "I intend to turn this entire country to ashes", Eyepatch slices his head right off.

Shito's talking, decapitated head.

Shito catches his own head (!) and it is still running it's mouth, laughing about how Shito will return again.

Then the camera fades out and it is finally over.

Conclusion - This movie was a little bit of everything (i.e. confusing, annoying, boring...). I bought it at my local 99 Cent Store because I loved the cover. The deranged samurai looked promising, but any promise that this movie held was lost even before Chapter 'Hell' - Part 2 got rolling. Even though it only cost 99 cents, I feel ripped off.

[ Reviewed late 2006. ]

Sunday, April 26, 2020

Found: On the Floor

One thing I've learned from hanging around with Donald Kilbuck is to look at the ground a lot because people are always dropping money. Donald has always had a knack for spotting lost money on the ground, it really is uncanny. I, on the other hand, rarely find money and I have not found any money at all on the ground at my current workplace. Not even once.

I've only found two vaguely interesting things:

1. A mysterious post-it note:

The text reads:

A peacock

feather adds

elegance & pulls

all the colors in

this project together.

2. A mysterious drawing:

Mysterious drawing.

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, Mar. 21, 2006]

Hay Elevator

When we were little kids running around at our cousins' farm, we used to love running up the hay elevator and riding it back down - CRASH! - then running back up the other side again, and crashing down again. It was like a huge see-saw with impact. When you ran to the top, your weight would make it fall (fast!) to the ground. When we were really little, sometimes the impact would launch us up in the air.

I made a chart to illustrate the dynamic:

Lots of fun, and I got to do it again last week, joined by Cousin Abby Jo:

It's a lot less dramatic now that we've grown up so much. We used to be able to fit on the very end. It's still fun though.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, June 5, 2004]

Econoliner (Road Hog Weekend)

[Originally posted as part of "Road Hog Weekend," on The Real World...Blogger Style!]

When I think of living in Alaska, I think of driving around in a Ford Econoliner from the late 1970s.

My brother Todd purchased our first Econoliner down in Indiana. He added some special features to the original green van, most notably: a set of sexy mannequin legs protruding from one of the back walls:

Todd's customization job.

The legs were eventually removed so he could install bunk beds for his road trip to, and back from, Alaska. I was able to participate in the Green Econoliner's second Alaska trip in 1994 (documented in Van Log '94).

Mel, Laura, me, & Todd: Ready to set off to Alaska.

One of the green Econoliner's cool features was that the walls were covered with yellow shag carpeting. Carpeted walls = comfort:

Carpet.

In Alaska, the green van was more often referred to as the, "green egg van." This is because of a fried egg sticker Todd had adhered to it. People always asked what it meant. They usually took it to be reference to, "This is your brain on drugs."

The "Green Egg Van" in Seward, AK.

While Todd drove and lived in the green egg van in Valdez, I relocated to Anchorage where I purchased a second, blue, Econoliner from a co-worker. This is the one I accidentally shot a hole in during my first day on a new job.

At the end of the salmon season, when Todd came back through town, the Gill Bros had two Econoliners on the streets of Anchorage.

Two Gills in two Econoliners.

After that summer, Todd left me the green van and flew back down to Indiana, so I was blessed with two Econoliners. I drove one and let Donald Kilbuck use the other one. They both made it through my first Alaskan winter.

The Green Egg van turned back to Todd when he returned the following summer. It was ultimately deserted in Valdez after its transmission went out. Reportedly though, it would still drive in reverse for awhile and Todd tells me they would occasionally take it on a short drive into town in reverse!

The blue van became Donald's and he continued to drive it into the late 1990s when it finally gave up the ghost. By then, it had a steel bar welded to the front, acting as a homemade bumper and a patchy blue pattern from Donald spray painting over rust spots.

Let the Sun Shine: Donald & the blue Econoliner.

The blue Econoliner from my apartment window, Anchorage, 1997.

[Originally posted on The Real World...Blogger Style!, Feb. 12, 2006]

Saturday, April 25, 2020

Tazah

I confess I only bought this product for the cool label graphic.

Tazah: Honey with Nuts.

Super Performance

HONEY - TAZAH - NUTS

HONEY WITH NUTS

Back in Town

I just returned from a trip home to Indiana for the sad occasion of attending my uncle's funeral.
Aside from the purpose of the trip, it was great to see the family and farmland again.

A lot of us had an early reunion at Chicago O'Hare Airport as all of our connecting flights were delayed or cancelled. I met my father and cousins Adam and Abby there and we all cancelled our connecting flights and took a bus to Indiana. It was a riotous journey.

At the end of the trip, as we were all entering the airport to fly to our respective home states, Abby sent a fake can of peanuts with a springing snake it it through baggage check. We were hoping the TSA guy would open it and get pranked. He laughed and refused to open it though. He said he saw the snake in the scanner.

Once back in Orange County, it took me two hours to get home from the John Wayne airport by bus, but it was totally worth it. The driver for the first segment of my ride should have been on American Idol! He sang really well. There were only three passengers on the bus, it was evening, and the driver was singing beautifully. A bunch of old Temptations songs, and I don't know what all. A bag lady who was riding would occasionally join in and they'd perform a duet. It probably was my most delightful bus ride ever.

Based on the three bus drivers I rode with to get home, I'd say that evening bus drivers are far more pleasant than daytime bus drivers (in Orange County, at least). It is probably the lack of traffic congestion.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, June 5, 2004]

Farm Aid IV

The Gilliom Bros @ Farm Aid IV, Indianapolis Hoosier Dome; April 7, 1990. We were so excited to see Lou Reed.

Farm Aid IV, in the parking garage.

We made banners out of old pillowcases celebrating Farm Aid on one side and Lou Reed on the other.

There was extra space left in one corner and Todd wanted to add something in the spirit of Farm Aid, so he wrote, "Green Beans!" One of the banners also said, "Up with crops!"

Performances by: Bonnie Raitt, John Mellencamp, John Hiatt, Carl Perkins, Arlo Guthrie, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Neil Young, Willie Nelson, Guns N' Roses, KT Oslin, Iggy Pop, Gorky Park, Garth Brooks, John Denver, Bill Monroe, Alan Jackson, Asleep at the Wheel, Jackson Browne, Bruce Hornsby, Poco, Elton John, Lou Reed, Don Henley, Taj Mahal and more.

Lady Down

Lady on the ground, directing the action at Dad & Brenda's wedding, 1989.

Friday, April 24, 2020

Cheap Video Reviews: Under California Stars

Under California Stars.

DVD. 1948.

I picked this up at the 99 Cent Store after reading on the back that Trigger gets kidnapped. My interest was piqued.

While the DVD cover features a black and white still, the actual movie is in full color, so right away I was surprised by this film experience.

Smartest horse in the movies.

Under California Stars opens with footage of the Western range while Bob Nolan & The Sons of the Pioneers sing, "Under California Stars," a fine cowboy song.

Roy's horse, Trigger, gets equal credit to the man himself. They are both billed as the film's two stars. In the credits, Trigger's name carries the byline, "The smartest horse in the movies."

Trigger's trailer.

Roy plays himself in this film, a "cowboy movie star" with a 10 year long career.

As the film opens, Roy is wrapping up a movie shoot and plans to return to his ranch for a 10 year anniversary radio broadcast. He's driving along with Trigger in a horse trailer. After the opening song concludes, we see Roy approach his final destination: The Roy Rogers Ranch.

When they arrive at the ranch, the cowhands all go ape shit. They're running around dropping things and yelling at each other - "Hey, Cookie!...Hey Bob!...I saw him comin'!...He's comin' down the road!!"

"I wonder if Roy & Trigger changed since they became movie stars?"

Roy's home!

"Not Roy! He'll always be the same old horse rancher."

Suddenly, Cookie starts playing the piano and they all spontaneously break into song. And in this case, that particular song is called, "Roy Rogers, the King of the Cowboys."

As Roy walks in to see singing cowboys, his face just completely lightens up as if he'd just entered paradise itself.

After greeting everybody, they all run out to put Roy's car in the garage and let Trigger out of the Trailer. They are something like servants and this film is very much about Roy being a wealthy big shot. He hires and fires people all over the place when he isn't riding horses around on his ranch. It is always clear that everybody else in Roy's circle is employed by Roy. This may have been a 10th anniversary film (that is an ongoing theme) and perhaps he is just celebrating his success. There certainly is nothing shady about him. He just owns everything.

A talk with Cookie.

Next, Roy has a private talk with Cookie after learning that Cookie has hired a bunch of his cousins to work on the ranch. Nepotism doesn't sit well with Roy and he starts in on Cookie, "Cookie, if you don't quit hiring your relatives..." But the threat is interrupted by excited ranch hands. Apparently somebody has been abducting wild horses for their meat and hides. While this is not illegal, Roy and his posse head out to make sure they aren't taking any of Roy's ranch horses.

Roy sees a man lasso a horse, then knock it unconscious by whacking it in the head with a rifle butt! When the man sees Roy, he sneers, "Well Well...I should've known. Roy Rogers, the movie cowboy."

Roy immediately beats the shit out of this man, proving he is the real deal.

Pop Jordan's.

The criminal element in this movie centers around Pop Jordan's ("Horses Bought and Sold") and the film takes us over there next, where we meet Pop Jordan himself, an otherwise upstanding citizen who is thieving horses on the side. We also meet the film's young protagonist, Ted Carver & his dog, Tramp. Tramp jumps up on Pop's desk, causing Pop to exclaim, "Get that flea-bitten Australian coyote out of here!!!", which is a pretty funny thing for a guy to say.

It is in Pop Jordan's shop where the head horse thief, 'Lije (as in Elijah - he is also Ted Carver's step father) get the big idea to kidnap Trigger for a ransom.

Carolyn, the attractive horse trainer.

Back at Roy's Ranch, we meet another of Cookie's cousins, the attractive Carolyn who Cookie has hired as a horse trainer.

When she meets Roy face to face, Carolyn passes out from excitement. Roy catches her & comments to Cookie, "I can tell she's your relative; she weighs a ton".

Cut to the next day - Cookie is looking for the ranch hands and finds them all slacking in the stable. All the cowboys are hanging out in Trigger's stable, just adoring this great horse. One is brushing Trigger's mane, and the rest are playing cards. They all begin singing a cowboy ballad about "the cowboy and the coyote" and it's a fine song.

Roy enters the stable during the song and it just brings joy to Roy Rogers' heart when he hears cowboys singing. He is utterly delighted.

"As long as you haven't run away from home."

Next, Roy spots Ted Carver & his dog, Tramp. He picks them up, one at a time, and sits them on a bale of hay. Ted wants a job working for Roy and Roy doesn't mind at all, "as long as you haven't run away from home."

Back at Pop's, 'Lije is being reemed out - "That kid of yours is up at Rogers Ranch, asking about a job!"

The cattle rustlers decide to take advantage of the situation to get ahold of Trigger. They visit the ranch and act thrilled that the kid will be working and living with Roy instead of living at home with his step-father, which I guess would be perfectly reasonable in the cowboy subculture:

Ted: "You mean I can stay? You aren't mad at me?"
'Lije: "For runnin' away? NOoo! Noooo!!"

The film's big moment of levity occurs in the form of a race between horse and dog. Trigger and Tramp race each other, running down a long dirt road at full speed. The little dog is going so fast, you can hardly see his feet and everyone is going crazy yelling, "C'mon, Trigger!!" and "C'mon, Tramp!!" Of course, Trigger wins.

10th anniversary radio broadcast.

Cut to Roy's 10th anniversary radio broadcast - Roy cuts a cake and comments, "It's so pretty, I kinda hate to cut it". Then, of course, he leads a chorus of cowboys in song.

While otherwise good-natured and sort of a harmless buffoon, Cookie may be part German as well, because he holds no love for children at all. During the celebration, we see Cookie smack Ted's hand when he makes a grab for a piece of cake. Under the table, however, Cookie is feeding cake to the boy's dog, Tramp. At another point in the film, Cookie says to Roy (regarding Ted), "He's not one of us! We were bigger than him when we were born!"

A bloody gash.

What a thing to say!

Rough stuff.

During this celebration of Roy's career, however; back on Roy's ranch, the kidnappers are going after Trigger! They also rough up Ted, and pistol-whip the dog, Tramp, right in the head; leaving a realistic bloody gash.

They tell Ted that if he mentions anything about this, they're going to blow his head off.

The capture of Trigger.

Horse Thieving Tip - As the kidnappers approach Trigger, their leader exclaims, "Not that way! He'll kick your brains out! Rope that mare and lead her out, he'll follow her.

So they lasso Trigger, who rears up on his hind legs heroically, but to no avail.

The headlines!

The next day's headline reads: "Trigger Kidnaped".

Pop's ransom note.

The radio announcer describes widespread searches, "by plane, automobile, and horse".
Meanwhile, Pop is hard at work on a ransom note.

One rustler (the one who Roy beat up earlier) opines, "$100,000?? I think that's too high! Why don't we ask for $10,000?". He apparently doesn't appreciate Trigger's celebrity value. Roy arranges for his Hollywood movie studio deliver him $100,000 and then sings Ted Carver a sad cowboy lullaby in Spanish.

This moment of peace is short lived as the rustler (the one who Roy beat up earlier) breaks up the song at gunpoint. He tries to undercut Pop and says he'll tell Roy where Trigger is for $10,000 instead of $100,000.

Then he is promptly shot through the window. Right in the back! For double-dealing!

Cookie has been writing the movie's title song, "Under California Stars", but is too choked up to perform it. Then, like that wasn't bad enough, the sheriff refuses to let Roy pay the ransom because he doesn't want to encourage the rustlers to pull similar stunts in the future. Even though Roy is freaking rich and argues that $100,000 is nothing compared to Trigger's life; he does finally see the sheriff's point. So they hatch a plan to use fake money and trace it back to the kidnappers.

"Under California Stars."

Before they set off though, Roy joins Carolyn in a verse of Cookie's "Under California Stars".

Roy likes the song so much he agrees to use it in his movie. He then fires Cookie for "writing songs on ranch time", then immediately hires him to come to Hollywood as his song-writer.

Cookie faints just like his cousin Carolyn did earlier. Roy has that kind of power over people. As Cookie recovers, he is murmuring, "Hollywood. Swimming pools. Lights. Girls!"

Then everyone goes after the kidnappers. Well, there's a lot of crap footage here, then finally the counterfeiters bullwhip Trigger until he goes inside their cabin so nobody sees him. Trigger finally complies, but only after bringing his hooves down on one man, crippling him for life.

When they discover the ransom money is counterfeit, it is time to kill Trigger. 'Lije pulls out a shotgun (though I find it impossible to accept somebody would shoot a horse with a shotgun INSIDE a cabin - that just seems crazy to me). He comments to the other horse thieves, "Boys, get your shovels. We gotta bury the evidence."

Horse following dog.

Suddenly, Ted Carver shows up with the real ransom money. He hands it over in exchange for Trigger's life. Pop decides to take the money & burn the cabin down with Trigger & Ted inside it. The guy that Trigger crippled yells out, "Hey! How about me!! I can't move!" Then he is immediately shot.

Now, on the day that Pop wrote Trigger's ransom note, Ted Carver & Tramp visited his office. Tramp got in the trash as usual and now Roy discover's where Tramp stockpiles all the garbage he steals.
While going through various items and laughing - Pop's glove, a boot - Roy finds the newspaper cut up for the ransom note! And he goes apeshit! No time to sing, they are on their way!!!

More horses following horse.

Tramp is let out of the house because they know he'll run straight to Ted Carver, wherever he may be.

The next scene is thrilling!! It consists of a dog running full speed with Roy Rogers following on a horse, and finally about ten cowboys chasing after Roy.

So, to make things short, big shoot out, big chase scene - finally 'Lije and Pop are the only ones unaccounted for. 'Lije shoots Pop on the Northern Trail and Roy hears the shot and beats the shit out of 'Lije.

Then suddenly, Pop reappears and hoots 'Lije for double crossing him and then dies from his wounds, so everybody is happy.

Happy Trails, Roy!

Next thing we know, Roy is heading back to Hollywood with Ted Carver up front and his new song-writer, Cookie, in the back with the dog, Tramp. The ranch-hands stay behind, keeping an eye on things until Roy's return.

Comments - Under California Stars was ok. It had its moments and a couple of enjoyable musical numbers. Definitely worth 99 cents.

I admire Roy and I also really liked the film's strong "Don't be a double-crosser" message, though Cookie often over-acted. This makes me think I might enjoy other Roy Rogers films. We may or may not ever know.

[ Reviewed February, 2006. ]