Christmas Eve, 2004

Merry Christmas, blog.

Ho Ho Ho

I give you the gift of information 

(courtesy of Levins, Hoag. American Sex Machines: The Hidden History of Sex at the U.S. Patent Office. 1996. Adams Media Corp. Holbrook Mass) 

How to connect your wiener to a tape recorder:

How to attach your wiener to a tape recorder.

From the original blog comments:

*Hahahaha, what would be the point?

*To give it an interview, of course!

*I don't want to ruin the illusion, but I believe this diagram was from when computer data was stored on tape rather than disk...but the notion of attaching a wiener to a tape deck is much more intriguing than attaching a wiener to a computer, so I just ignored the original context.

*Why would anyone attach their wiener to a computer? Is it like those monster movies where the disembodied brain rules its minions via computer? Only in this case it is the wiener that gives commands from its plasma tank.

*There must be a million good reasons for attaching your wiener to a computer. Maybe take it's temperature.

*A key here, being that I'm a technical person, is how much bandwidth you could transmit by using indirect contact. Your wiener knows more than he's letting on you know.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 24, 2004]

Anti-Rape Technology

Hey, I've had this book for a few years -

[American Sex Machines: The Hidden History of Sex at the U.S. Patent Office by Hoag Levins. 1996. Adams Media Corp. Holbrook Mass.] - It's a collection of patents for sex gadgetry.

My favorite section is Chapter 13 - "Anti-Rape Technology" which includes a pretty remarkable selection of protective vaginal inserts that are all much more horrifying than extra-vaginal chastity belt/armor patents -

Here's George Vogel's basic vaginally-inserted spike (1977).

George Vogel's anti-rape vaginal spike (1977).

This one makes me cringe. Well, the all do, but so does this one:

Alston Levesque's "penis locking and lacerating vaginal insert." Those things on the side are RAZORS! (1977):

Alston Levesque's penis locking and lacerating vaginal insert (1977).

This one's interesting - Charles Barlow's vaginal harpoon tube (in 1 & 3 prong models - 1979):

Charles Barlow's vaginal harpoon tubes (1979).

And for the girl with everything - Dirk Coetzee's "spring powered vaginal spike" (1979) which actually LAUNCHES a spike INTO the invading penis:

Dirk Coetzee's spring-powered vaginal spike (1979).

I'd be careful removing that one.

There are more, but these are the highlights.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Apr. 21, 2004]