U.S. Invasion of Panama

I don't know why I recorded this information or why I typed it up, but it is an account that brother Todd and I recorded in December, 1989, as we stayed up late watching news accounts of the U.S. invasion of Panama.

Roger "I'm two floors up" Sizemore.

"The president is still awake...I think he'll need some sleep."

Secret objective.

Midwestern Working Class Badasses

This was taken in a restaurant/bar where I used to work in the late 1980s, I was taking a picture of something and the guy in the middle goes, "Hey - take a picture of me and my brothers."

Midwestern Working Class Badasses.

I don't know why he directed me to take their photo. This was before digital cameras and email. There was no photographic instant gratification. Film had to be developed before you could see the pictures. So there was no way the photo was intended for their personal viewing. I guess he just wanted a record of their "brotherhood."  So, I'm posting it here for posterity.  

This is kind of how I imagine everybody looking in the old west. Then, they may have been heroes, or would have at least had a lot more influence, good or bad, in a less civilized era.

Note: The guy on the right is flipping the bird with both hands. "Fuck the World." haha

Garage Sale

Wanna buy a heavily used lamp shade?

Shaving Cream Head

Has anyone ever played Shaving Cream Head?

It's tons of fun, it's almost free, and it's anonymous.

Just run around in public and raise hell with your identity disguised by the shaving cream.

If you're in a small town, it's funny to urge people to try to guess who you are. Nobody will have a clue.

I am the one in the Attakiska Alaskan Vodka t-shirt.

My friend James and I originated this in 1991. 

It may have influenced the later Juggalo movement.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 27, 2004]

4th of July on the Roof

Fourth of July, 1989: on the roof in Columbia City, Indiana.
Nobody fell off!

At the time, I thought we were starting an annual tradition, but it lost steam after that very night.

4th of July on the roof.

True Security Guard Fantasies

In the late 1980s, I had just started college and was working third shift as a security guard at a factory, from about 11:00 at night until 7:00 in the morning.

There wasn’t much to the job. I made hourly patrols around the building. I think the position existed largely for insurance purposes. I liked it because it gave me plenty of time to study between rounds.

I only bring this up because I remembered another guard there named Warner. He was one of those out-of-shape wannabe cops who treated a low-level security job like he’d been recruited onto a SWAT team.

What really stuck with me was his fantasy life. I remember one shift change where he went on and on about how he wished somebody would try to break into his house so he could legally shoot them. If the intruder turned out not to be armed, he said, he’d just put another gun in their hand afterward to justify it.

One night, he even drew me a diagram of his dream house. At the center was a giant pyramid with a hot tub at the top. All three sides of the pyramid were made entirely of stairs, like this:

Werner's fantasy love-spa.

It was extremely important to Warner that the pyramid was tall enough for him to survey the entire surrounding area from the comfort of his hot tub, guaranteeing that nobody could ever sneak up on him. 

Warner particularly enjoyed one particular fantasy where he and his wife were sitting in the hot tub surrounded by an arsenal of guns, just in case they were needed. Suddenly, he notices someone attempting to sneak up one side of the pyramid!

According to Warner, he would calmly climb out of the hot tub, ask his wife to tie a towel around his exposed privates, and then immediately shoot the intruder.

The fantasy escalated from there. More people began appearing from every side of the pyramid. Warner was being swarmed! His solution was to stand there firing in all directions while his wife continuously handed him fresh ammunition.

Werner's action sequence.

What kind of fucked-up fantasy life is that?

Werner was also completely convinced he could turn the whole scenario into an amazing screenplay. And mentioned it almost every night at the changing of the guard.

Poor stupid Werner.

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, June 16, 2005]

Batman Cinnamon Twists @ Taco Bell

In 1989, Taco Bell promoted the Batman movie with cinnamon twists.

I held on to this packaging until digital technology made it feasible to scan it.

How To Eat a Soft Taco

From Taco Bell, probably the late 1980s, possibly very early 1990s, but I think it was the late '80s.

These helpful instructions were printed on Taco Bell's soft taco wrappers:

Taco Bell: How to eat a Soft Taco.

How to eat a Soft Taco without the mess!

   1. Leave Taco in Pocket Wrap until ready to enjoy!

   2. Unfold wrap to expose just enough Taco for a bite or two.

   3. Keep folding away wrap until each delicious bite is gone.

I don't eat them this way, I'm afraid of biting into paper.  I completely unwrap it and risk the mess.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Mar. 9, 2004]

Medical Marvel

This drawing was on a notepad in the Gripco guard desk, so I would see it every time I worked.  I think I cropped it to remove phone numbers and names that were surrounding it.

I think it started as a weird design, then had a head and body added around it.  Somebody  must have thought it looked like a surgery and labelled it, "medical marvel."  

Pretty weird. Pretty worth saving.

"Medical Marvel."

Artist's Depiction

This is a drawing of what I looked like my senior year of high school. It is pretty accurate and was drawn by my girlfriend at the time (1988 or -89).  

"Doh" is something we would say when we were otherwise at a loss for words. I know Homer started saying on The Simpsons, which aired in 1989, so maybe it was out there in the collective unconscious back then. I learned if from my friend Julie who reported that is what her little sister said when she accidentally knocked over the salad bar at Rax. We did not say it fast, like Homer Simpson does ("DOH!). We said it more drawn out and bewildered ("Doooh) like, "wow" or "uh oh."

Me circa 1988-89.

Lady Down

Lady on the ground, directing the action at Dad & Brenda's wedding, 1989.

Leap Froggin'

Spontaneous game of leap frog outside the venue while waiting for Jack's band to play.

Leap froggers.