The Plaid Brothers

 Jonnie and Todd Gilliom: The Plaid Brothers.

“We’re on a mission from mom.”

Dreaming of a Plaid Christmas

 Jonnie and Todd, the Gilliom Bros. - Christmas in the 1970s.

Blasts from the Past

During last month's travels, I was able to browse through old family photos for the first time in years. I brought a few of them home with me for scanning, like this one:

Me & Brother Todd in the 1970s.

I also learned that plaid clothing was a constant presence in my childhood photos.

The highlight of the trip was a box of memorabilia from my mother that had recently been delivered to my brother in Missouri. My mother died when I was 10 years old, so it was interesting to look through the stuff. A lot of it was famiiar from my childhood, though most of the photographs were totally new to me.

I'd never seen this one before:

My mother, age 3; with Santa Claus, 1950s.

Then there were my baby pics from 1970. It's pretty funny how little I've changed since then:

1 year old Jonnie, 1970.

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, Sep. 1, 2005]

Cheap Video Reviews: Wild Guitar

Wild Guitar.

Wild Guitar opens with a teenager riding a motorcycle around Los Angeles, California. He's wearing a leather jacket and the viewer can't help but to assume this teenager is probably looking for trouble. As the biker rolls into town, the viewer is treated to a series of black & white Los Angeles street scenes from what must be the early 1960s. These historic scenes are interspersed with footage of the motorcycling teenager; who will, unfortunately, probably turn out to be our story's hero.

The motorcycling Teenager.

The teenager decides to check out the scene. He parks his motorcycle somewhere and starts walking around town. Apparently he is not local to Los Angeles because he's carrying a suitcase and engaging in a great deal of rubbernecking.

Hollywood Blvd.

At one point, while crossing the street, his suitcase falls open and his laundry falls into the street; so he has to repack in front of a shitload of impatient drivers as they unmercifully honk their car horns at him. He is not a city guy.

The teenager stops to check out the Capitol Records building and longingly adores it for awhile, then he strolls on down Hollywood Blvd., stopping for a moment to admire a neon Dean Martin sign outside "Dino's Lounge". At this point, he seems inspired and runs a comb through his hair. Despite his difficult adjustment period, this trip is turning out to be worth it after all.

Dino.

Now it's time for refreshment. Our hero drops by the Coffee Cup Cafe which is staffed by a no-nonsense straight-talking waitress named Marge. Off to the side, there are three lowlifes playing cards in plaid jackets. When they see our hero, the lowlifes are less than impressed.

Lowlife 1: "What's that"??
Lowlife 2: "Me thinks it's a Hick"!

Lowlife 3: "Yeah! A HICK"!

Three lowlifes.

These clowns are obviously douchebags who have nothing better to do all day than run their mouths.

Just to show they mean business though, one of the lowlifes mutters, "Hit me" during the card game.

Another replies, "OK", and punches him right in the face. You wouldn't want to mess around with these guys.

Seated at the counter is a perky blond girl. Our hero sits down right next to her.

Perky blonde girl.

The blond girl is talking to Marge the waitress about how she just got a role on the "Hell Kitten" TV program. In front of her is an untouched sandwich. She comments, "I just wanted to feed the butterflies. I'm not hungry". At first I thought this scene was supposed to show how nice the girl was. Now, during my reflections as I type this, I realize butterflies don't eat sandwiches and the butterflies she was talking about were in her stomach. She was talking about being nervous before her appearance on "Hell Kitten". This movie had no butterflies in it at all.

"Who needs freeways anyway?"

Back to our hero: He is discouraged by the menu prices and orders a donut and coffee. Marge tells him he forgot the tax: "You forgot the tax! A penny for the governor!"

When she sees he's broke, Marge covers it from her tip jar and makes a shitty comment: "Who needs freeways anyway"?

This may be the reason she gives our hero a girl's cup to drink from.

Well, of course the blond girl gives our hero her sandwich since she wasn't hungry anyway. As she gets up, she trips over our hero's guitar; which he has left laying on its side, protruding out into the walkway.

The blond girl doesn't get mad at all. She just asks our hero if he's a musician. He affirms he is.

Blond Girl: "I read somewhere about the thousands of kids we come to Hollywood each year, but I forget the exact number".

It is obvious to everybody that our hero is from out of town.

Our hero feels some pressure to make himself stand out in the crowd, so he produces a letter from the manager of a local radio station, "in Spearfish", who used to put him on the air.

Well, nobody is impressed. The viewer is treated to a series of closeups of everybody in the diner (even young children, who apparently know all about geography) looking puzzled and inquiring, "Spearfish"?

We learn that Spearfish is in South Dakota, much to the amusement of the L.A. locals.

The blond girl comments, "I'm still tryin' to get my foot in the door and I was born here.

This doesn't faze our hero and the blond girl turns out to be sympathetic since he's such a nice guy, especially when compared to the card-playing lowlifes. She invites him to join her during her appearance on the "Hell Kitten" television program.

"I'll be back for this later."

Our hero decides to bring his guitar and the letter from Spearfish. He also leaves his suitcase behind the diner counter with the Marge the waitress (!).

As the couple is leaving, we finally learn their names. The blond girl is named "Vicki Will" and our hero's name is "Bud Eagle". "Spelled just like the bird", he helpfully adds.

Hell Kitten.

The next scene opens with Vicki Will dancing on the Hell Kitten television program. It's pretty gratuitous. The dance goes on for almost an entire song, which is an upbeat beach music instrumental.

Backstage, another band is prepared to play, but the sax player isn't feeling well. The context of the scene suggests that he actually threw up into the bell of his own saxaphone!

Big shots are watching.

All the Big Shots of Los Angeles happen to be watching this show, and the host goes into a panic backstage. He has to fill the dead air with something entertaining!

Of course, Bud steps up. He walks right out on stage, forgetting his guitar due to nervousness. After retrieving his guitar from Vicki, he returns to the stage only to fall on his face after tripping over a power cord.

Everybody in the audience thinks this is hilarious. They carry on like it's the funniest thing they've ever seen in their lives. This kid is obviously from a small town.

Bud's performance.

Well, Bud isn't fazed at all. He's remarkably good-natured. The sick saxophone player's band is still standing around on stage and Bud walks right up to the show's host, who announces, "Well, I see you brought your own band. Let's fly"! And fly they do, performing sort of a half-assed rockabilly tune:

You're so sweet and you're so fine
You put an arrow right in my mind.

Bud's powerful stage presence wins the audience over completely. The crowd rushes the stage! The The Big Shot's phones are ringing off their cradles! The Big Shot announces, "There's our next hit"!

Back at the studio, Vicki is completely impressed. "Bud, you were wonderful! You've really got a sound"!

Washed-up Don Proctor.

The head big shot who was watching the show just happens to be Mr. Mike McCauley, "the biggest agent in Hollywood" and he wants to talk to Bud! It's also suggested that Mr. McCauley cooks the books. The viewer is treated to a scene in which an angry drunk named Don Proctor tries to get Mr. McCauley to show him the accounting books.

Apparently, Don proctor is a celebrity in his own right, because Bud is thrilled as hell when he sees him: "That's Don Proctor"! McCauley just gives Proctor the brush off though.

Bud's Hollywood pad.

McCauley insists that Bud call him "Mike" instead of "Mr. McCauley". He also informs Bud, "I don't want to handle anyone who thinks they know more about this business than me." Bud is agreeable to this arrangement, so McCauley agrees to manage his career. He even hooks Bud up with an apartment with a swimming pool that very night.

Bud: "I'll try to pay you back."

Mike: "Oh, you will!"

In addition to an apartment, Mike McCauley provides Bud with the services of a hardened thug named,"Steak." At first, I thought it was, "Snake," but it is, "Steak." Steak is a bad guy. He says Steak can get Bud anything he wants. Steak is commonly depicted next to a bottle of liquor in this movie.

"Steak."

Mike: "Now look, kid! Let's get something straight right now! When I said I do the thinking, that's what I meant!!"

Mike is controlling. When Bud announces his intentions to drop by the Coffee Cup Cafe so he can retrieve his suitcase and talk to Vicki, Mike McCauley suddenly goes apeshit.

McCauley really makes Bud feel stupid for wanting to retrieve his suitcase. He even decides he doesn't want to manage him any more. Bud ultimately apologizes and agrees to only do what McCauley tells him to. McCauley sends Steak to pick up Bud's suitcase and tells Steak to, "lose that guitar. It's probably got termites."

In this scene, we also learn that Bud's main reason for going into the music business is so he can make enough money to keep his brother Ted in college.

Waiting around for Bud.

Back at the Coffee Cup Cafe, Vicki and Marge are wondering where the hell Bud's at.

Steak darkens their doorway and gives Vicki a dollar bill to cover the sandwich she provided for Bud earlier.

Steak: "The kid doesn't want any loose ends."

After Steak leaves, Vicki & the waitress figure that Bud probably was an asshole after all.

Now that all the characters have been introduced, the story can really get rolling.

There's a short scene between Bud & Steak which takes place the next morning:

Steak: "I ordered you a steak".
Bud: [thrilled] "A steak for breakfast"?
Steak: "What else is there"?

Steak is trying to impress Bud with what a high roller he is, but that's the least of his deceptions. He also tells Bud that Vicki wasn't waiting for him at the Coffee Cup Cafe. Steak suggests Vicki was probably jealous that Mike McCauley signed Bud instead of her.

Mike McCauley goes over the published reviews of Bud's performance on the "Hell Kitten" show:

McCauley: "Four record companies are waving contracts."
Bud: "Four record companies"?
McCauley: "I put that in there. You can't believe anything you read."

McCauley presents Bud with a brand new electric guitar and this moment is one of the highlights of Bud's young life. McCauley also provides a band, some new suits, and a stack of songs. Bud has some of his own songs too and, despite the band's initial skepticism, they're better than anything McCauley could provide.

The viewer is treated to a series of close-up shots of everybody having the time of their lives.

"I'm getting taller every day."

Bud sings, "I'm getting to be a big boy now. I'm getting taller every day." Everybody loves this.

The camera close-ups start to swirl and they ultimately fade into a shot of a record swirling on the player. As the camera pans out, we see Steak is listening to it on a small record player.

He and Mike McCauley are up to no good. They're even sending fake letters from Bud's brother Ted and keeping the money that Bud is supposed to be sending home.

Good times.

While Mike McCauley is wheeling and dealing over the phone, Steak is standing by a light fixture. He keeps fooling around with the lamps, suggesting that he can't control his impulses as well as a regular civilized person can.

Steak screwing around with the lamp.

Over at the Coffee Cup Cafe, Bud's latest single is playing on the jukebox and the card-playing lowlifes are dancing around and generally enjoying themselves in their plaid jackets.

Vicki at the record store.

Vicki and Marge are still talking about Bud. Vicki comments, "Marge, he's the most"!

Vicki decides to go out and buy Bud's record. There's a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Bud next to his record display and Vicki is just crazy about it.

Back at the office, Mike McCauley has gathered the presidents of all Bud's local high school fan clubs. They're talking business and McCauley offers them a percentage if they can increase product sales. 

"I think he's cute."

McCauley is running kind of an informal focus group, asking their opinion about Bud and a girl replies, "I think he's cute."

McCauley: "Sure he is! He's got appeal"! Mccauley is benefitting immensely from this focus group.

McCauley asks what they could do to increase Bud's popularity nationwide.

"He's got appeal."

Girl in focus group: "What about tearing off his clothes"?

Guy in focus group: "That's for squares."

Girl in focus group: "I think it's effective."

They discuss what kind of fad they should start and agree on feathers since bud's last name is Eagle. McCauley is cheap though and says they don't have to use actual eagle feathers. They could use chicken feathers instead

Bud's big entrance.

Next, Bud makes his big entrance. He's wearing a brand new pair of white slacks.

McCauley is getting all worked up, "Payola! Buzzola! Just call it ola"!

Bud doesn't go for this business talk and he's also suspicious that the letters from his brother Ted don't sound like Ted at all.

Bud wants out. he starts packing his suitcase.

Ever the quick thinker, McCauley gets involved: Steak! Bring him a Coke!"

McCauley starts telling Bud all about how the music business works.

Show business success.

Bud: "You can't just force people to like me."

McCauley: "Life is just a big game of follow the leader."

Bud comments that they couldn't manipulate his brother Ted. Brother Ted is no sheep. He's a guy everybody looks up to.

McCauley objects that Bud cannot leave because he hasn't covered McCauley's expenses yet and estimates they will be even in six months. Bud agrees to stick it out.

"He's singing about me!"

Bud: "We're gonna hit this town like mad"!

The next scene suggests the passing of time and a big increase in revenue.

While watching Bud perform on a television program, Vicki Will realizes Bud's latest song is about her!

Bud & Vicki: Together again!

Since she lives in Hollywood, she just gets up and runs to the studio on foot. When she finds Bud, she gives him a huge kiss.

Steak is spying on them from behind a bunch of hanging beads and he's appalled at their reunion.

They compare notes and realize that Steak was lying about her not waiting for Bud to return to the cafe on the first night they met

Steak is appalled.

 Then they decide to go skating. It turns out, Vicki's father owns a skating rink.

Bud assures Vicki he's a very good skater, but this turns out he was exaggerating.

Bud can scarcely stay on his feet when wearing ice skates. He tells Vicki he thought she meant it was a roller skating rink, because he's a hell of a roller skater.

Vicki on ice.

Vicki takes this moment to show off a little bit. She is practically an olympic level ice skater. I couldn't really get a good photo, because she moves so fast and is so white. This scene seemed gratuitous.

After her ice skating show, Vicki winks at Bud. Bud staggers around, then they start making out.

Back at the office, McCauley and Steak are discussing Bud's upcoming national tour and his reunion with Vicki.

McCauley: "If he wants a girl, get one for him."

Steak: "How about Daisy?"

Daisy must be some piece of work for a guy like Steak to recommend her so highly. The viewer can hardly wait.

While Bud is practicing the guitar in his apartment with the lights off, washed-up Don Proctor wanders in, making a comment about McCauley being too cheap to buy light bulbs. He goes ahead and takes a seat at Bud's bar.

Don Proctor: Telling it like it is.

Proctor: [pours drink] "Join me?"
Bud: "No, thanks."
Proctor: "Not yet, huh? You will."

Proctor is an alright guy. He starts telling Bud all about Mccauley's shady ways and the shady nature of the music business itself. He hates being one of McCauley's "trained seals."

Bud knows all about Proctor's musical career, he even has some of his records at home. He asks Proctor a little bit about his personal life.

Proctor: "It's not a long story, but a very tiresome one.
Not long ago, the fashion was for dark wavy-haired singers like me. Now it's kids. you don't even have to hear the words."

Proctor tells bud about McCauley's "golden leash" in which McCauley gives his performers everything they need, but no cash, so they can't leave.

Proctor: "Every cent you bring in goes out in expenses."
Bud: "How do I know you aren't just saying that because..."
Proctor: "Because I'm a drunk? A has been?? You don't, kid."

Steak & Daisy.

Luckily, this awkward moment doesn't last long because Steak shows up with Daisy!

Steak: "Kid, this is Daisy. She's gonna teach you how to swing."

Daisy is extremely direct. She is practically giving Bud a lap dance and she can really shake it! She has jewels on her nylons!

Don Proctor R.I.P.

Off on the sidelines, Steak and Don Proctor are getting into an altercation. Steak actually pulls a handgun on Proctor, but doesn't have a chance to use if before Proctor dies from falling down the stairs. This arrangement suits Steak just fine.

Things quickly go from bad to worse as Vicki barges into the apartment and finds Bud on the couch with Daisy, who is practically blowing him.

"Vicki!"

Well, shit. The party's over and everyone scatters. Vicki leaves in tears. Bud is wandering around outside. Steak slaps Daisy in the face for letting Bud get away.

What else could go wrong? The three lowlifes with plaid jackets from the cafe are in the bushes outside Bud's house and they decide to kidnap Bud. They plan to hold him in exchange for a lousy $5,000. The thugs are pretty inept. One of them is holding a long range rifle against Bud's chest. They don't have cars either, so they're all walking through Los Angeles holding a rifle to a back of a famous rock star.

"Let's go all the way!"

Well, that plan is so crazy, it actually works. In the next scene, they're back in the low-life's clubhouse writing the ransom note. Bud sees this as a chance to screw McCauley, so he suggests he ought to be worth $15,000 at least.

Hollywood's shady music business is making strange bedfellows. Bud has practically joined the gang. The gang leader even asks Bud for his autograph. They request that $15,000 should be left in a paper sack in the garbage can behind the Coffee Cup Cafe. 

When a low-life suggests they split the money four ways, Bud says he doesn't want any of it.

The ransom pick-up goes down, but Steak follows the lowlifes back to their clubhouse. He's a beast! Steak single-handedly beats the shit out of all of them. He recovers the money and McCauley passes the whole thing off as a publicity stunt. We see him on the phone telling somebody what a clever guy he is.

A day or two later at the Coffee Cup Cafe, Vicki is talking to Marge the waitress like she seems to do every day of the week. Marge has hired a new worker, "a drifter", she says. Vicki advises her to be careful.

"Bud!"

As the worker walks out from the kitchen, we see it is Bud! He's making an honest living and wearing a chef's hat!

Vicki can't help bringing up the night when Daisy was practically blowing Bud on the couch.

Vicki: "You seemed to be enjoying it! Did you?"

Bud: "NO!!"

Marge is eavesdropping.

Vicki: "I'm glad."

All is forgiven. Marge is eavesdropping and seems to be glad the couple are getting on with their relationship. 

Back at the office, McCauley is wheeling and dealing like usual. Steak is hanging around looking surly.

Suddenly a guy walks in asking for $20.00. He's wearing a colonel sanders tie and he threatens to tell the papers that Bud's kidnapping wasn't a publicity stunt if McCauley doesn't give him $20.00. For another $20.00, he tells McCauley that Bud is working at the Coffee Cup Cafe.

McCauley and Steak approach Bud after work and a lively discussion erupts. McCauley practically admits to cooking the books. Bud says he will work for McCauley again only on the condition they start with a new set of open accounting books. He also wants no part of any payola scheme, otherwise Bud will hire a new manager.

McCauley slaps Bud in the face, demanding, "You sing for me or you sing for no one!"  McCauley threatens to spread shady rumors about Bud in his hometown if he hires a new manager. Then he makes some vague and creepy threats regarding Vicki.

About this time, somebody yells out, "Hey Bud, we're out of tape"! It is the guy with the Colonal Sanders tie, who we discover is Bud's brother Ted! McCauley realizes he's been set up and his threats have been tape recorded on the very tape recorder he bought for Bud earlier in the film. There's a quick free-for-all where Bud beats the crap out of Steak, then cooler heads prevail.

"Twist Fever."

Well, what's a guy to do? Surprisingly, Bud still wants to work with McCauley as long as he cleans up his act. McCauley's intelligence and connections are just irreplaceable. They shake on the new honest business arrangement. If McCauley goes crooked again, Bud will release the tape to the police.

The final scene of the film treats us to kind of a music video of Bud's latest single, Twist Fever - "She's got twist fever and I just can't leave her alone." 

Dancing with abandon.

Vicki is his personal dancer now and she is by his side throughout his performance.

The kids are loving it! Everybody's having a ball and in one scene, we see them tucking real eagle feathers into the seat of Bud's motorcycle.

Conclusion - This movie was half of a two-film DVD I picked up at Dollar Tree in Santa Ana. It was worth the 50 cents I paid for it.

[ Reviewed December, 2007. ]

Cheap Video Reviews: The Great Rupert

DVD. 1950.

While The Great Rupert features a stop-motion animated squirrel brought to life by the talented George Pal—who also crafted the special effects for War of the Worlds and When Worlds Collide—the film itself starts off at a languid pace. Surprisingly, the squirrel turns out to be one of the movie's least entertaining plot devices.

The story kicks off with washed-up vaudeville performer Joe Mahoney, who plays the accordion and sings a song about "Rupert" while the titular squirrel, dressed in an adorable plaid kilt, dances on a table. However, when Joe gets a visit from big-shot Broadway agent Bill Davis, his enthusiasm is quickly dampened. Bill is unimpressed by the dancing squirrel and declares that he wants something grander, something like a lion, dismissing Rupert as "just a little pipsqueak squirrel that anybody can see at any time."

Joe Mahoney.

Joe Mahoney protests, "Rupert is almost human!", but Bill is unmoved. He leaves and Joe is kicked out of his apartment. Sucks.

Joe removes Rupert's stage outfit and sets him free in a park, reassuring the squirrel, "You'll be the life of the party doing the somersaults and all the cute little tricks that I taught you, Now, beat it!"

The scene shifts to Louis Amandola (played by Jimmy Durante) and his family: Mrs. Amandola and their daughter Rosalinda. They are a former vaudeville act, "The Amandola Trio").

Rupert the squirrel.

Stamps only cost three cents each (!) when they made this movie because Mr. Amandola is reading his final bank notice which states, "We feel it is hardly worth three cents to tell you you have two cents." 

And to make things worse, it is almost Christmas and Rosalinda can hardly walk because she has outgrown her shoes and they are pinching her feet.

This desperate group encounters Joe Mahoney and they make a little small talk. Jimmy Durante spouts a lot of random schtick that I think he just ad-libbed. Like, "We gave a performance the audience will never forget! Because they were elephants! HaHaHa!" Everybody laughs hysterically at this, not just Jimmy Durante, because it is a pretty funny joke. 

Anyway, since Joe is kicked out of his apartment they decide to move in since it only costs $32 per month (even though they are also broke). Joe totally walks out of the movie at this point.

Meanwhile, Rupert is having a hard time getting back to nature. Similar to a scene in Santa Claus, Rupert is chased up a tree by a mean dog. He crawls into a hole in the tree, but is then chased out by a fake owl. He runs through traffic and then ultimately ends up returning to Joe's old apartment.

The apartment isn't as peaceful as it was when Rupert left, because he returns to find the landlord's son, Peter Dingle, sitting in the vacant apartment playing the tuba.

Peter Dingle practicing the tuba.

Soon, the Amandolas arrive. When Peter Dingle sees Rosalinda, he can't keep his eyes off her, so he lets them move in. He keeps pressuring them for advance payment of the rent. When none of Mr. Amandola's jokes seem to distract him, Rosalinda tells him she has to change her clothes which totally embarrasses him. He leaves immediately (he also leaves his tuba behind in their apartment).

The landlord, Mr. Dingle, is furious with his son for not getting the rent in advance. He chews him out pretty severely - "Honor, Charity, Love-Thy-Neighbor....Everything but money! What did money ever do to you??" This scene establishes the fact that Mr. Dingle is a tightwad.

"My shoes pinch me feet so, Peter."

The chemistry between Peter Dingle and Rosalinda can not be denied. He asks her to go on a walk with him, but she has to refuse because her shoes pinch her feet too much for serious walking - So Peter gives her a pair of his mother's shoes (!) and even though they are too big, at least they don't pinch her feet.

When they spot Mr. Dingle coming out of a bank, Rosalinda confides, "I've never been in a bank!" 
Mr. Dingle was in the bank cashing a weekly $1,500 check he gets from a goldmine he owns. He then stashes the money in the floorboards of his house because he doesn't trust banks. He won't even tell his wife where he hides his money specifically because he doesn't want her to give it to his son.

Now the action starts rolling. Snow is coming in through the broken skylight in the Amandolas' apartment as Mama Amandola is praying to God out of total financial despair. She's praying upwards, facing the ceiling rafters and Rupert apparently thinks she is talking to him because he goes into the wall and retrieves Mr. Dingle's money stash and drops it down on her, bill by bill, in imitatation of the falling snow. Mrs. Amandola thinks the money is a Christmas miracle from God. She removes her apron and runs out the door.

Soon, the Amandolas have acquired a giant Christmas tree and Rosalinda has baked a turkey while wearing brand new shoes. When Mr. Amandola witnesses this scenario, he is afraid Mrs. Amandola sold her wedding ring. Next, he assumes the money must have been given to her by another man who at one point in the past was interested in her romantically.

Mrs Amandola: "That was 22 years ago!"

Mr. Amandola: "I don't care how long ago it was! I never trust a man in a tuxedo! Especially a rented one!"

The next time Peter and Rosalinda are out walking, Peter learns that Rosalinda plays the harp and decides to compose a musical piece for the harp and tuba (titled, Melody of Two Orphan Instruments).

Cut to Christmas morning: The Amandolas pay a visit to the Dingles and pay 3 months' rent in advance. Peter and Mr. Amandola find they are wearing the same tie and share the following bonding moment:

"Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells!"

Peter: "We have the same ties on!"

Mr. Amandola: "It could be a lot worse! If we was girls wearing the same dresses!!"

Once the rent is paid, everybody is happy and Mr. Amandola has his way with the Dingles' piano without even asking permission. He starts with "Jingle Bells" then starts adding some old vaudeville shtick, which really gets everything hopping.

Next, Peter and Rosalinda perform Melody of Two Orphan Instruments for their families and anybody else who is interested.

Melody of Two Orphan Instruments.

Rosalinda: "It's lovely."

Peter: "So are you."

Finally, big shot Broadway agent, Bill Davis, shows up. Everybody wants to get into Rosalinda's panties and Mr. Davis is no exception. He stares at her constantly while he's talking to her.

Bill Davis: "You live here?"

Bill Davis and Rosalinda.

Rosalinda: "Yes."

Bill Davis: "Alone?"

Rosalinda: "With my parents."

Bill Davis: "Oh. Well. That's nice."

Mr. Amandola decides to impress Bill Davis with his juggling. He states, "I can juggle 25 plates with one hand. And with the other hand, I pick up the broken ones". Then he immediately starts juggling nuts and tossing them way up in the rafters, where Rupert snags one. Bill Davis is impressed, thinking Mr. Amandola was doing a magic trick.

Bill Davis is crazy for Rosalinda and takes her out to, "a chinese dinner." They don't get home until after midnight. Ms. Amandola is worried about her daughter while Mr. Amandola comments, "Nothing will happen to her. She's with a man."

Peter is going apeshit and decides he needs to get a job immediately so he can compete with the wealthy Bill Davis. He walks out to a drug store (after midnight) and wakes up the owner who surprisingly agrees to give him a job serving customers at the soda fountain.

Rosalinda is now dating Bill Davis regularly. She tries to pull some strings, she claims to have written Medley of Two Orphan Instruments under the pen name "Peter Dingle" and Bill agrees to get it recorded for her. When she tries to tell Peter at the soda fountain, Bill Davis barges in, calls the soda fountain a "dump", and makes her leave. Poor Peter Dingle.

The Amandolas.

In the next scene, we see a well-dressed Mr. Amandola squandering what remains of their $1,500. He has purchased a polar bear rug for the apartment and when you turn one of its teeth, its eyes light up and a recording of a brass band playing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" blares out of its head!

Mrs. Amandola doesn't approve, but Mr. Amandola feels it "lends an air of quality to the place." Comments such as this are apparently a sore spot for Mrs. Amandola, because she starts bringing up old shit about how whenever they get ahead, Mr. Amandola squanders everything. 
Then we're treated to the following family financial dialogue:

Mr. Amandola: "Do what you did a week ago! Pray!!"

Mrs. Amandola: "Well, I am praying! Every hour of the day! But if it's money you want me to pray for..."

Rosalinda: "Why not mother? It's worth a try!"

Mrs. Amandola: "Well...Well...I just wouldn't have the nerve to ask again."

Mr. Amandola: "Just ask and let Heaven make up its mind!"

Rosalinda: "Say the same thing you said before!"

Mrs. Amandola: "I said Rosalinda needed a new pair of shoes. But now she doesn't. She has four pair already!"

Mr. Amandola: "When you say she needs shoes, that doesn't mean she really needs them! It's like when you play dice! A guy says, 'Baby needs a new pair of shoes'. It doesn't mean she needs them. It's just a disfigurement of speech."

So Mrs. Amandola tries it again, with Mr. Amandola and Rosalinda by her side. She prays, "Please help us, Rosalinda needs shoes. She needs them real bad".

It just so happens that Mr. Dingle is placing a new stash of cash into the floorboards at that very moment. Thinking their prayer has been denied, Mr. Amandola and Rosalinda leave to return the polar bear rug and as they walk out the door, Mrs. Amandola looks to the Heavens and prays, "Please forgive me for telling a lie. Rosalinda doesn't really need shoes." Then Rupert drops another $1,500 on her! She calls in her husband & Rosalinda and everybody is thrilled.

Mrs. Amandola: "It happened last week at this time!"

Mr. Amandola: "All you gotta do is sit in that old rocker every Thursday at 3:30 and say 'Rosalinda needs new shoes'! $1,500!! It's funny how simple life can be!"

It goes on like this for weeks and the Amandolas start contributing to charities. They donate $1,000 to buy new shoes for children in Europe!!

Meanwhile, down at the soda fountain, the townspeople are getting suspicious. They notice that, while the Amandolas never go to work, they are swimming in cash.

Bill Davis' bigass car.

One man suggests they are gangsters. A woman suggests they are printing counterfeit money at home. They discuss calling the FBI.

An observant fat gentleman comments, "A man comes to see their daughter every day in a big car", suggesting the Amandolas are getting rich by prostituting their daughter and, "contaminating the whole community".

Unfortunately for that man, Peter happens to be working behind the counter and, blinded by rage, smashes a "Banana Delight" ice cream sunday into the man's face. Peter then storms out of the soda fountain and goes straight to a bar.

Peter's Irish friend, Mulligan, is at the bar and notices Peter is distraught. He is the sensitive type and observes, "You're hurt, Peter. Who hurt you boy?" Then he offers to let Peter in on an oil well deal that will make him rich.

Rosalinda's and Peter's love scene.

Next is Peter and Rosalinda's big love scene. Regarding Peter's financial worries, Rosalinda states, "Mama and Papa didn't have any money when they first met and it was the happiest time of their life".

Peter replies, "But I don't even juggle".

Mr. Amandola is eavesdropping and totally approves of his daughter's relationship with Peter Dingle. He also offers to front Peter the $2,000 required to get in on Mulligan's oil well deal.

The next day, the feds come knocking:  the local police, the IRS, and the FBI all arrive at the same time! Mr. Amandola tries to bullshit them all, but they are unmoved. Finally, Mrs. Amandola tells them their money comes from God and she will prove it next Thursday at 3:00. So they all agree to return then. Something major happens before that appointment though.

The Amandolas are flourishing in the community - they own a furniture store, florist shop, and a cleaning business and Mr. Dingle keeps raising their rent on them. They don't want to move elsewhere though, because they're afraid their prayers won't work at another location. So, tensions are pretty heated between the two men when Mr. Dingle tells Mr. Amandola, "No son of mine will ever marry a girl of your daughter's reputation!"

Conflict!

When he hears this, Mr. Amandola hurls Mrs. Amandola's prayer chair at Mr. Dingle, shattering it against the wall!

Even worse, Mr. Dingle's gold mine goes dry. So he won't be stashing anymore weekly $1,500 profits into the floorboards anymore.

When the 3:00 "proof" meeting comes around with the police, FBI, and IRS agents. The prayer meeting is a failure as Mrs. Amandola looks to the Heavens saying, "Rosalinda needs new shoes". 

 Nothing happens, of course, and the cops and feds don't think it's funny to be jerked around like this.

While they are arguing about who gets to take Mr. Amandola into physical custody, Mr. Amandola juggles his last cigarette which is snagged from the rafters by Rupert who scurries off into the wall with it. Soon the house is on fire and Mr. Dingle walks into a little bit of smoke and cries out, "Help! I'm choking!" As the house burns down, Mr. Dingle mentions he isn't insured, then he mentions the $1,500 per week he was stashing in the floorboards and then the Amandolas all look at each other like, "Aha! It wasn't God after all!"

All loose ends are resolved immediately and the situation ends positively for everyone:

Mr. Amandola does the right thing and offers to replace Mr. Dingle's uninsured house.

A fireman walks out of the burning house carrying a dead squirrel (!) but the fire chief notices it isn't really dead, it is just tired from smoke inhalation. The fireman places Rupert in a tree in the (apparently) nearby park where he can recover in peace.

The Feds and police decide everything is too confusing to prosecute and they all just leave.

Bill Davis pulls up in his bigass car and Melody of Two Orphan Instruments is playing on the radio!

Joe Mahoney: Back in the saddle.

At the same time, Mulligan tells Peter the oil investment paid off and they are both rich!

Mr. Dingle and Mr. Amandola are now great friends and they hug.

Joe Mahoney (gone since the beginning of the film) gets off a bus in the park and starts playing the accordion and singing the Rupert song. This revives Rupert and they are back in action!

Mahoney got a circus gig playing accordion while Rupert dances. The show is an instant hit and Rupert the Squirrel is soon headlining - his name is larger than even the clowns and trapeze artists!

Rupert is a star.

The Great Rupert: Star of the Circus.

I like that nobody even knows about Rupert throughout the entire movie (except the absent Joe Mahoney). Mischievous little squirrel.

 "Lost Christmas Classic" - Maybe.

[ Reviewed January, 2006. ]