Cheap Video Reviews: Santa Claus

Filmed at Churubusco-Azteca Studios in Mexico & starring Jose Elias Moreno, Jose Quezadas 'Pulgarcito', and Jose Luis Aguirre.

Purchased at the 99 Cent Store for just 99 cents.

Santa Claus

Right from the start, this film is obviously more than a simple rehash of the usual Santa myth:

1.) For one thing, Santa lives in a castle on a cloud in outer space above the North Pole where he runs an extensive surveillance operation on the children of Earth. At one point, the narrator observes, "Nothing on Earth is unknown to Santa".

Santa's surveillance equipment is oddly anthropomorphic. His radar dish includes a human ear in the center and his audio receiver is a huge moving set of human lips attached to a mechanical control console. I think this is an attempt to suggest a magical element. 

2.) The second notable break with the traditional Santa mythos is the total absence of elves. Instead of elves, Santa's "Toyland" workshop is staffed by volunteer children, one from each nation of the world.

The film opens with the children of the world, one representing each nation, singing songs in their native tongues (most of them completely unenthusiastic) while Santa accompanies them on his organ (extremely enthusiastically). The organ also displays the name of the country associated with whatever musical style Santa is playing at the moment.

When children sing in this movie, it's pretty piss-poor. They mumble and look at their feet. A soundtrack is obviously being played over the film footage. I don't think they are trying to lip sync. It seems like the original singing was just too bad to use, so they needed to record something later.

Most of the children in this movie (with the notable exception of the kid in the sombrero - who I refer to as their "leader") are practically sleepwalking their way through this scene. It works out okay overall though, they actually make Santa seem supernaturally enthusiastic in comparison.

Although Santa Claus is playing the organ, the children aren't necessarily singing Christmas songs, because the American children are dressed like cowboys and they sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb".

Santa is great in this movie, his eyes are extremely expressive, even under his huge beard, and he expresses concern exceptionally well (and often). He laughs almost constantly, frequently at inappropriate times and with a gusto that can come off as maniacal.

Immediately after the film's lengthy musical introduction, the action kicks right in as a Mexican child, holding a toy devil, approaches Santa and asks, "Santa, do you like this devil?" To which Santa expresses sincere concern as he inquires, "Devil?? Who requested that?"

The Devil, Pitch.

The child then lights the devil's tail with a sparkler (!) and the scene immediately shifts to the heart of Hell itself. A Devil (named, "Pitch") is ordered by Lucifer to, "Make all the children of the world do evil or you shall be punished". Pitch promises to "See that the children of the world commit evil deeds and make Santa Claus angry".

I think this is a particularly interesting statement, hinting at a primal rivalry between Lucifer and Santa Claus, as if Santa were God himself. Maybe Santa is just as good as God in the good/evil rankings.

Santa Claus' appeal is enhanced by the inclusion of some notable supporting characters.
Most surprisingly, the wizard Merlin (from Arthurian lore) plays a central role in the film. He is described as "Santa's most devoted helper" and lives in the castle where he crafts magical accessories for Santa. Santa refers to him throughout the movie as "Mr. Merlin" and for some reason, instead of walking like a normal man, Merlin gallops like a kid pretending to be a horse!

Santa & his Key Maker.

It's the odd touches like this that make Santa Claus such an enjoyable film. At the end of the film, when Merlin is rushing to help Santa, he hums the Lone Ranger theme while galloping to the intercom as a concerned child shouts, "Hurry, Mr. Merlin! This is no time to play horsie! Santa is in danger!"

Another character making a brief cameo is Santa's Key Maker - he makes a key that can open any door on Earth and it doesn't even need a keyhole! Santa just touches it to a door, a spark fires off, and the door opens right up!

Little Lupita.

The main supporting character is Lupita - the narrator constantly reminds us that she is poor and the only thing she wants in the world is a doll.

Lupita is just precious. At one point she tells her mother, "I asked Santa for two dolls; and if I get two, I'm going to give one to the Baby Jesus."

Early on in the film, the Devil persuades Lupita to steal a doll, but she almost immediately returns it. The Devil later enters Lupita's dreams and gives her a nightmare in which she is surrounded by dancing dolls in a bunch of fog and the dolls all try to persuade her to do evil, but she consistently holds her ground, emphasizing that she does not want to do evil.

The most enjoyable moments of Santa Claus stem from the shoddy production quality and Santa's overly robust voice. It's an endlessly delightful film to watch, regardless of plot, though there are a few notable plat devices:

1.) When the post office sends mail to Santa, they throw it in their furnace! Then the letters float up to the sky through the chimney! Somehow then, when Santa opens a particular cabinet in his cloud castle, a ton of mail falls on him. He loves it and practically bathes in the letters, laughing and exclaiming "Wonderful! Marvelous! HaHaHa! They don't forget Papa Noel!"

2.) Santa sorts his mail into 3 categories:
     a.) Verdad when it is a true heartfelt letter,
     b.) Falsehoods when it contains a lie, and
     c.) Paris when a child asks for a baby brother or sister.

3.) Santa's sleigh is pulled by fake reindeer that he winds up like toys.

Fake Deer.

4.) If the sun comes up before they return to the castle, the deer will turn to dust! And Santa will starve to death on Earth. He states that he (and the good children who volunteer in his shop) live on "pastries and ice cream made of soft clouds" and that he would be unable to eat Earth food.

When a child asks him what people on Earth eat, Santa responds, "Everything in sight! They eat most of the animals, the plants, the flowers, the roots, even smoke and alcohol!"

Devil's mischief.

The main action of the film concerns the Devil trying to sabotage Santa's delivery route. He's full of dirty tricks, at one point he almost nails Santa in the ass with a blast of fire sent up the chimney.

While the Devil is trying to heat up a door knob so Santa burns his hand, Santa sneaks in the back window and shoots the Devil in the ass with a dart fired from a toy cannon. Santa then laughs hysterically about it.

Mean Dog.

Eventually, the Devil tries to steal Santa's sleigh, but the deer won't obey him - so he decides to sic a mean dog on Santa instead. The dog chases Santa up a tree and the sun will soon be coming up!

The Devil also wakes up the townsfolk, telling them the dog chased a "murderer" up a tree outside, so they all come out with guns.

Dog Distraction.

Santa finally manages to contact Merlin, who suggests he try to use a toy cat from his bag as a decoy to distract the dog while he climbs down from the tree and resumes his delivery route. He tries this, and it works. Wise Merlin!

The last we see of the Devil, he's being chased off by firemen (spraying him with a hose) and the narrator comments, "He'll probably catch pneumonia"; but we know he probably won't.

Santa still has some unfinished business (getting a doll to Lupita's house before the sun comes up) which he accomplishes with no difficulty whatsoever.

Lupita's Father.

Finally, at Lupita's house, just as the sun is coming up and before Lupita is awake, her father comes home and his wife asks him if he had any luck finding work.

??? - What was he doing looking for work in the middle of the night??

Conclusion - Overall, an enjoyable movie. It drags at times, but there is enough novelty value to justify sitting through the dull parts. I'd say watching this movie once per year would be plenty, if not too much.

[ Reviewed December, 2005. ]