The Plaid Brothers

 Jonnie and Todd Gilliom: The Plaid Brothers.

“We’re on a mission from mom.”

Jonnie the Clever Child

In 1970, I got my hand stuck in a chair and couldn't figure out how to pull it out. Instead of helping me, my parents took a picture and captioned it, “Jonnie the clever child." wtf.

Jonnie the clever child.

Dreaming of a Plaid Christmas

 Jonnie and Todd, the Gilliom Bros. - Christmas in the 1970s.

The Golden Lion

I got this when we saw Dick the Bruiser wrestle for WWA at the Fort Wayne Coliseum in the late '70s or very early '80s. I've kept it for the next 40 years, so may it be preserved digitally forevermore.

Tim Golden

The Golden Lion

WWA

Cheating at the Pinewood Derby

The only things I really remember from my short time in Cub Scouts are dressing as a monkey for a play, answering “dandelion” when they asked for flower names (and getting laughed at), and the pinewood derby.

For the derby, you got a block of wood and some wheels to make a car and raced it downhill. My dad, still drinking back then, was very into it. One Saturday night, while I was watching SNL, he was in the basement melting lead fishing sinkers with a few beers. He drilled holes in the front of my car, poured in the molten lead to make it heavier, sealed the holes with wood putty, and painted them yellow like headlights. When that looked too obvious, he slathered the whole front of the car in thick yellow paint.

I got the date of the race wrong and missed it, which turned out to be a blessing. Another kid told me they weighed the cars, so my lead-filled masterpiece would’ve gotten me busted and humiliated.

Between that and “dandelion,” Cub Scouts was not my shining moment.

Gooey Looey

Still Life: Frog leg bone with a piece of gooey looey.
Courtesy of Ross Frank.

Gooey Looey is what we called the sealant on one of Herb's grain silos. 
We'd pick it off and play with it. Sometimes we'd chew on it for a spell.

Amish Tendencies

My family's ancestors were Anabaptists during the protestant reformation. Over time, schisms within the Anabaptist movement gave rise to groups like the Mennonites, Amish, and others. My direct line came from a later Anabaptist splinter group in Switzerland known as the Apostolics. So, I share some common ancestry with Amish folk.

Our family’s lineage can be traced back to Adam Gilliom, who emigrated from Switzerland to Indiana in the 1800s. At that time, we were Apostolic. A few generations later, my father became the first member of our family to leave the church entirely—a decision he made on his own. He’s mentioned that it was a tough time because none of his friends were allowed to talk to him anymore, and he deeply missed hunting and fishing with one of his cousins.

According to my parents, when I was a little kid, I had a memorable encounter with an Amish buggy. One passed by our house, and I took off chasing after it without a word. My mom was frantic when she realized I was missing; she even called the police.

Eventually, someone reported seeing a little kid running down the road after a buggy, yelling, "Horsey! Horsey!" The police found me and brought me home. When my mom asked what I was doing, I told her with great determination that I wanted to be “an Amish” when I grew up.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 20, 2004]

Fork Fangs

Cousin Ross taught me this at Long John Silvers in Fort Wayne, IN during the late 1970s and I've never forgotten it. Fork Fangs are an example Hoosier ingenuity at its best.

It's an easy way to entertain yourself and others in a public dining area for no extra cost while your parents are talking for hours. 

Directions:
1. Start with a standard disposable plastic fork.
2. Break off the handle and center prongs.
3. Flip it upside down.
4. Place it in your mouth, and....ta-daaaa - Vampire fangs.
5. Fun time!

Recreating the Fork Fangs experience as an adult..