Found Flyer

I encountered this flier while living in Los Angeles. It was issued around New Years, 2002 as part of a campaign to discourage residents from discharging firearms into the air while celebrating New Years.

I thought it was funny in 2002 because it seemed like such a common sense non-issue, but these days, who knows? It would probably be construed as government overreach.

flyer, front.

flyer, back.

First Impressions

When I had recently arrived in Anchorage and was getting on my feet, I bought a van real cheap from a co-worker. The next morning, I was starting a second job working with disabled kids. 

I drove that van on my first day of work and I remember having a completely overbearing head cold at the time. I was parked in front of the home of the individuals I would be assisting while I was digging in the back of the van looking for some Kleenex when I noticed a large sawed-off shotgun underneath the back seat! 

I don't know what I was thinking (I was ill and disoriented at the time), but I picked it up and pulled the trigger (I guess to see if it worked). I remember an explosive, "BLAMMM!!", followed by a deafening ringing in my ears and the smell of gun powder. It was loaded! 

Shotgun blast hole with swiss army knife for scale.

Blew a hole right through the side of my new van. Right in the parking lot of my new workplace on my first day! I just remember smelling smoke and my ears ringing like crazy and being glad nobody was outside in the parking lot who might have been caught by the blast. The lady who ran the house came running out and asked me what was going on. All I could think about was my head cold and I didn't want to explain it all to her, so I stupidly stuck my head out the window, held up the shotgun and said, "I just shot a hole in my van. I have a head cold," as if that explained anything. 

Well, they say the first impression you make on somebody is the one they will always remember and you'd think I made a pretty bad one that day; but if that's the case, you'd never know it. She didn't say a word, she just turned around and went back in the house. I came in a little later and started my first shift. We later became friendly acquaintances, but she NEVER mentioned the incident as long as I knew her.

The photograph below shows brother Todd holding his Swiss Army knife by the shotgun hole for scale. If the shot had landed a foot or so to the left, where the gas tank is located, I may not have lived to tell the stupid tale.

True Security Guard Fantasies

Searched my journals for something on this day and found this:

In 1989 I worked nights as a security guard while I was in college. Easy job - walk the building once an hour, study the rest of the time. There was another guard named Warner, who took the job a lot more seriously than the job took itself.

At shift change, he’d describe his fantasy of accomplishment: a giant pyramid, with a hot tub at the top, built inside his home. It had to be high enough that, “I could see 360 degrees around myself,” so nobody could ever sneak up on him.

He would fantasize that he’d be soaking there with his wife, surrounded by an arsenal of guns, waiting for the day someone tried to climb up after him.

The fantasy always escalated. Every night I came in to relieve him, there’d be a new version - more detail, more invaders.

Eventually it always returned to the same ending: movement in the periphery, Warner stepping out of the hot tub, his wife tying a towel around his waist to cover his privates (for the movie cameras, I assume) and continually handing him fresh ammunition, and him just standing there blasting away, determined to defend his hot tub pyramid lifestyle.

He genuinely thought it would make a great screenplay and wanted me to ask around about it. I remember thinking: “wtf?”

I wrote this down in 2005 because I love human stupidity and didn’t want to forget about this.

Werner's fantasy love-spa.

Werner's action sequence.

Thirty-seven years later, A.I. successfully rendered the pictures I’d always had in my head.

Hell yes. Just like I imagined it!!