When in Austin...

Besides Hook 'Em Horns, two other awesome things to see in Austin are:

1.  The Alamo

2. Animatronic LBJ.

Texas really is one big wonderland.

Mesa Verde

With Ericka at awe-inspiring Mesa Verde National Park, home of the cliff dwellers; May, 2015.

Salvation Mountain

With Ericka at Salvation Mountain. Niland, CA; July, 2014.

 

Viagra Pharmacy

Viagra store ("pharmacy") in Mexico.

This was a cruise ship stop (Mexico, not the viagra store).

Viva Mexico

I don't know that I want to formally visit Mexico, but it was pretty fun as a quick cruise stop.

 

John Wayne Airport

Me and Jon Sr. at John Wayne Airport, Orange County.

Two Jons and a John.

Column of Virtue

Me in Rome, with the Column of Marcus Aurelius sticking out my head.

J Spot

Guess what this is -

My favorite parking spot in Von's supermarket parking lot has been memorialized.

I drive over to Von's every morning at about 5:45 a.m. and park there all day while I ride the bus to work. I'm gone for roughly twelve hours (8.5 working and 3.5 commuting both ways), then I drive back home.

Apparently they re-surfaced the parking lot on Tuesday and, since I wasn't around to move my car, they had to pave around it, leaving a huge unpaved spot, memorializing my favorite parking space.

I think it's cool.

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, Apr. 27, 2006]

Homecoming

I'm back from my travels, just in time for my final MLIS class.

August was great! I got to help Jon Sr. build a garage on this Alaska property:

 Then I got to fly down to the mid-west to meet my brand new niece, Mina, in Missouri:

Mina & Uncle Jonnie.

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, Aug. 31, 2005]

Back in Town

I just returned from a trip home to Indiana for the sad occasion of attending my uncle's funeral.
Aside from the purpose of the trip, it was great to see the family and farmland again.

A lot of us had an early reunion at Chicago O'Hare Airport as all of our connecting flights were delayed or cancelled. I met my father and cousins Adam and Abby there and we all cancelled our connecting flights and took a bus to Indiana.  It was a riotous journey.

At the end of the trip, as we were all entering the airport to fly to our respective home states, Abby sent a fake can of peanuts with a springing snake it it through baggage check.  We were hoping the TSA guy would open it and get pranked. He laughed and refused to open it though. He said he saw the snake in the scanner.

Once back in Orange County, it took me two hours to get home from the John Wayne airport by bus, but it was totally worth it. The driver for the first segment of my ride should have been on American Idol! He sang really well. There were only three passengers on the bus, it was evening, and the driver was singing beautifully. A bunch of old Temptations songs, and I don't know what all. A bag lady who was riding would occasionally join in and they'd perform a duet. It probably was my most delightful bus ride ever.

Based on the three bus drivers I rode with to get home, I'd say that evening bus drivers are far more pleasant than daytime bus drivers (in Orange County, at least). It is probably the lack of traffic congestion.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, June 5, 2004]

Chipping & Driving

Hot & Spicy or Cheesy: pick your poison for the long drive from Texas to L.A.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 13, 2003]

Hook 'Em Horns

During our visit to Austin, Texas, I was very surprised and amused to so see the locals flashing the heavy metal devil's horns all over the place. At first I felt like I'd stumbled upon a cult or a criminal organization of some sort, so of course I had to take a picture:

Hook 'Em Horns!

It turns out, "Hook 'Em Horns" is a University of Texas, Austin school spirit thing. The gesture represents the school's sports mascot, the Longhorn. 

Brother Todd later drove me out to witness this statue:

Rock On, Dude.

Relief on the statue's base.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 15 2003]

Econoliner (Road Hog Weekend)

[Originally posted as part of "Road Hog Weekend," on The Real World...Blogger Style!]

When I think of living in Alaska, I think of driving around in a Ford Econoliner from the late 1970s.

My brother Todd purchased our first Econoliner down in Indiana. He added some special features to the original green van, most notably: a set of sexy mannequin legs protruding from one of the back walls:

Todd's customization job.

The legs were eventually removed so he could install bunk beds for his road trip to, and back from, Alaska. I was able to participate in the Green Econoliner's second Alaska trip in 1994 (documented in Van Log '94).

Mel, Laura, me, & Todd: Ready to set off to Alaska.

One of the green Econoliner's cool features was that the walls were covered with yellow shag carpeting. Carpeted walls = comfort:

Carpet.

In Alaska, the green van was more often referred to as the, "green egg van." This is because of a fried egg sticker Todd had adhered to it. People always asked what it meant. They usually took it to be reference to, "This is your brain on drugs." 

The "Green Egg Van" in Seward, AK.

While Todd drove and lived in the green egg van in Valdez, I relocated to Anchorage where I purchased a second, blue, Econoliner from a co-worker. This is the one I accidentally shot a hole in during my first day on a new job.

At the end of the salmon season, when Todd came back through town, the Gill Bros had two Econoliners on the streets of Anchorage. 

Two Gills in two Econoliners.

After that summer, Todd left me the green van and flew back down to Indiana, so I was blessed with two Econoliners.  I drove one and let Donald Kilbuck use the other one. They both made it through my first Alaskan winter. 

The Green Egg van turned back to Todd when he returned the following summer. It was ultimately deserted in Valdez after its transmission went out. Reportedly though, it would still drive in reverse for awhile and Todd tells me they would occasionally take it on a short drive into town in reverse!

The blue van became Donald's and he continued to drive it into the late 1990s when it finally gave up the ghost. By then, it had a steel bar welded to the front, acting as a homemade bumper and a patchy blue pattern from Donald spray painting over rust spots.

Let the Sun Shine: Donald & the blue Econoliner.

The blue Econoliner from my apartment window, Anchorage, 1997.

[Originally posted on The Real World...Blogger Style!, Feb. 12, 2006]

Hyder-ized

While driving through British Columbia, Canada, for what seemed like forever on our road trip to Alaska in 1994, we made a Hyderization pit stop in Hyder, Alaska.

The proper entrance to Alaska is through the Yukon Territory, which was still a long way off, but we learned there was a southern Alaskan town called, "Hyder," accessible through British Columbia. It isn't a proper entrance to Alaska because there are no additional routes into the interior, evidenced by the absence of a customs stop.

We were a little road weary from days of driving and decided it was worth the 200 mile detour off the Alkean Highway to check out Hyder. It was probably a once in a lifetime opportunity. I doubt we will ever be back in Hyder. It is absolutely in the middle of nowhere.

Checking out Hyder, Alaska.

Once we arrived, Hyder looked like kind of a wilderness outpost. There were a few buildings (at least half of which were bars) and a lot of mud.

One guy we met there told us they did try to establish a border patrol office at one point in the town's history, but the locals, "shot it up."

There was not even anything to indicate where the Canada-Alaska border was. The guy we were talking to said, "There used to be a sign, but if fell down, eh?"

We decided to celebrate at the Glacier Inn bar & liquor store. The walls were covered with autographed money, originally from miners staking claims, but in recent years it was probably just drunks.

One wall of the Glacier Inn.

While we were there, the bartender, Caroline, was creating a subliminal message to her boss by stapling $2 bills to the money covered wall to spell out, "Fuck you, Buzzy." She said he would never notice and she would laugh about it for years.

"Fuck you, Buzzy."

The Glacier Inn had a tradition called, "Hyderization," the process of, "getting Hyderized," which consisted of drinking a shot of Everclear.

We recorded Caroline's Hyderization rap on the Van Log cassette tape rec (she was able to recite it super fast, an skill she called, "Speed Hyderization"):

What I have before you is a water chaser, this in the other hand, is a house special. You may not taste it or smell it first. You have to knock it back straight one time & one time only... On the count of 3, down the hatch. 1,2,3. Congratulations, you've just been Hyderized with 1 ounce of Everclear 190 proof straight grain alcohol. Here's you card, sign your name to it...Welcome to Hyder & have a nice day. Bingo! We're done! Thank you.

Getting Hyderized.

After that initiation, they provided you with a souvenir card:

My proof of Hyderization.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Mar. 12, 2004]

Bozeman Radiator Disaster

Here's a good radiator disaster pic:

Catching our antifreeze leakage in cooking pans.

It was in Bozeman, Montana, during our 1994 drive from Indiana to Alaska, when we sprang a radiator leak. We managed to limp into a Napa auto parts parking lot just before the engine overheated completely. We parked and let everything cool down, catching the leaking antifreeze in pans because we were afraid Napa might kick us off their lot if we flooded it with coolant.

As bad as that seemed, things only got worse from there. Among other disasters, our camp stove decided to give up on us too.

Laura with our faulty camp stove.

Things escalated fast after that. I was trying to help Laura with the stove when I managed to set a can of kerosene on fire. I looked down and saw the fluid around the spout starting to ignite. Without thinking, I hurled the can—straight at the Napa store building. It exploded almost immediately on impact.

Here's the result:

Fire at the Napa store.

I guess I was just thinking in terms of throwing it AWAY from the van and opposite of the van was Napa.

That got the store staff riled up more than antifreeze in their parking lot ever could have. Multiple staff members immediately came pouring out of the building wielding fire extinguishers. My first thought was to take a picture (above).

When brother Todd saw the explosion in his rear-view mirror, he just threw the van in neutral - coasted right over all those pans of antifreeze.

Laura fell down and peed her pants from laughing so hard.

It was freaking hilarious.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 10, 2004]

Van Log, 1994: Alaska

7:47 pm: Welcome to Alaska! The pavement begins here! We're now going to Customs to see what happens there. See what kind of shit they give us... Hellfire! Baton down the hatches!! We're at Customs.

Hello.

Where are you all headed?

Valdez.

Where you coming from?

Indiana.

Everybody U.S. citizens?

Yep.

Let me see I.D. from everybody please.

Alright.

Any firearms on board today?

Nope. Noooo....

Go ahead and shut the vehicle off. I want you to come inside and fill out a customs declaration for me.

Okay.

Leave the keys in the ignition. Come on in. Make sure you bring your purses and bags.

That guy inside was the most intimidating fucker I ever saw. I felt guilty. My hands were shaking.

No shit! I thought something in there would pass as pot. He pulled that pin out of my wallet & I thought, "Oh Shit!" and it wasn't even for drugs! I just had it! 

He's good.

They found resin on my knife. The guy knew it was resin, but he didn't want to push the issue because that's all they found. My heart was racing. That was the best customs officer I've ever seen! He should get an award. That guy was a hard ass. He was like, "Grateful Dead...hmmm...You guys have a lot of these..."

But the guys who searched the van were actually pretty nice. They just moved some stuff around. They probably found that note.

No, I had it crumpled up.

They might have though.

They didn't even look under this tag here.

No! They didn't! We could've brought a bale of dope!

No, they probably ran a dog through here and that was it.

Happy to be here. Let's buy a bag. Inside they were talking to a guy and they go, "I'd appreciate it if you don't drop or lose anything because you're on camera". Then the guy's like, "Huh! At least you got the pleasure of sayin' that"! Some hick asshole.

I'm glad to be out of there! I thought for sure I was sunk. I felt guilt for no reason. I started thinking stuff like, "OK, I did lick off those tweezers after I used them for a roach clip, didn't I"?

He didn't give me my knife back! Wait, maybe he did...yes. The law sucks.

We pulled up and he thought, "I'm gonna get these guys".

There's resin all over my knife! All Over!! Fuck, I've got resin on two of the blades that you don't use for anything else but scraping resin. I didn't even think of that. He said, "You'd better clean or lose that knife". I planned to say I bought it at a second hand shop in Montana. But we're in Alaska now! Let's all smoke a cigar! And inhale it! And play Irish drinking songs!! Yeah!!!!

8:28 pm: We made it through Customs. Fuck 'em. Yes, those are fucking Grateful Dead tickets, buddy! I was high every day for two days!! And I dropped acid three times in those twenty days, mother fucker!!! Fuck 'em.

Welcome to Alaska.

Alaskan Moose.

Another flat.

Mel handling the lug nuts.

9:25 pm: OK, we have a kind of mechanical mystery for awhile. Every time we got to 60 miles/hour, it would go, "brrrbbbb!!!!!" & everything would shake, then we heard a "Bam!", so we pulled over. I was sitting in the passenger seat, feeling the vibration, getting a little bit concerned about it & suddenly I heard this "Boom!" that Todd spoke of and, up through the fender, right into my leg, shot a projectile of an unknown consistency - but it kind of hurt. Shot through the vent. So ,the tire is just feeling like dead skin from a sunburn. It was bad, Van Log, real bad. I've got the lug-nuts loose & this is not going to be a problem. That's the sound of a lug nut going none too easy.

Can you move your knee? This jack is a bitch. The tire just rolled away. There we go. Tire in place. Mel's now putting the lug-nuts onto the lug-bolts.

Oh my God, Antifreeze! They were supposed to have fixed that! It's barely leaking. What did they do? We don't know enough to know if they did it or not.

Oh! My head's underneath the van & it's on a jack on a piece of wood! I like it, it's sunny out here. The promised land. We made it. I say we celebrate with some hacky sackin' once we get this done.

I say we go on to Valdez, but the more physical shit we do, the more we'll wear off our buzz.

What are you doing!!?? Kicking a van on a jack!!??

Should I lower it?

What do you want for Christmas next year, Todd?

A jack.

Mel shoe-gooed the Mountie over the hole from the bullet that went through the hole in the van.

...We ate at Pizza Bella and it was great. A feast. We had garlic bread & pizza and we're looking to get air in the tire, but we're not finding any. We're mere hours from Valdez & I'm excited.

Day 9, 1:18 am: There's a moose, unconcerned that we just took a picture of it. It just stood there. Big Ol' Moose. We have to find one with big antlers yet.

2:45 am: We just saw our first Alaskan porcupine walking down the road. My concentration is on the tension at the back of my neck and staying on the road.

3:52 am: I'm still kickin' and trying to get to Valdez. Won't these guys be surprised when they wake up? 91 miles to Valdez! We're gonna be in Valdez on the last full moon of May. When we left home, it was barely a sliver. This is definitely one of the most beautiful nights I've ever seen. The moon is so bright and distracting that I'm using the sun visor so I can pay attention to the road. I'm dead tired but I just can't help it, I've got to keep on truckin'.

4:58 am: 40 miles from Valdez & it's damn cold! We can't see anything, it's damn foggy. We've told you about fog before, but that was nothing but talk. This is Fog. This is bullshit! Goin' downhill in the fog on a mountain. There's a lot of snow. City center of Valdez is 19 miles from here. Laura's taking us all the way to Valdez, she's been driving for hours.

Our journey's almost over. Horse Tail Falls! We're now in Valdez city limits.

Valdez Harbor.

And so we did indeed make the trip! Here we are at our Valdez campsite with one of many new acquaintances - YaYa:

Valdez campground.

We gradually parted ways over the summer, periodically running into each other here & there, in Alaska and elsewhere.

Van Log '94: A Collective Narrative:

Forward by Todd               South Dakota, pt. 1               Washington

Leaving Indiana                South Dakota, pt. 2               British Columbia

Illinois                               Wyoming                               Hyder, AK (side trip)

Wisconsin                         Montana                                Yukon Territory

Minnesota                         Idaho                                     Alaska

Van Log, 1994: Hyder, AK (Brit. Col. Side Trip)

[Side trip into Hyder, Alaska, on our way through British Columbia.  The proper entrance to Alaska is north through the Yukon Territory, so we continued on through Canada after this excursion.]

We're on the Alkean Highway, pretty good road isn't it? I love driving on this road! Lots of curves & hills, but they're perfectly spaced out and you can still maintain a good speed. Nothing too extreme, but there's constant adjustment. Keeps you occupied. This must be what it's like to drive a stick.

This Dylan from Yorkshire, England. I'm gonna do some laundry.

Hi. My name's Frank. We just got picked up from British Columbia. I'm gonna go get my wing fixed.

1:15 pm: We're in Hyder, it's small. We're gonna get "Hyderized". Glacier Inn bar & liquor store.

We're drunk. We're outside the Glacier Inn. We've all been Hyderized & that consists of drinking a shot of pure grain alcohol - an ounce.

We got a certificate for it, each has been witnessed by the other three from the van & a hitchhiker. Now Todd & Mel are shooting pool & we're gonna go in & interview the waitress. She has a lot of good stories. I've heard her talking to the locals - to the visitors - she's the local. We're now in Alaska. Hyder.

Incredible fog. Everybody's got a stagger in this town & there's a lonely little puppy leaning against the wall for support. He gave me a shake & I didn't even ask for it.

Do you wanna say something? Can you speak? Speak! Squeek? Shake? He's hanging his head, maybe he's sad. Maybe he doesn't have an owner. Is he skinny? No. He's fat. Well fed.

Hyder, Alaska.

Wall of the Glacier Inn.

Getting Hyderized.

We Love Hyder!

The walls here are covered with money, supposedly from the old gold miners who'd do that to stake a claim. But really it's just alcoholics.

The tourists have placed their own dollars with their own signatures to show they've been here.

Want me to scratch your belly? My hands are filthy. So are mine. Wanna shake? Hey, Do you know if he has an owner?

Yeah, the people who own the bar.

He's the bar dog, eh? Oh. Okay.

Now we'll go into the bar. Our hands are really filthy. From the dog.

Can you say something for our Van Log?

You bet. Hello, You are talking to Caroline from Hyder, AK. I'm currently up to the absolutely rottenest task. Making a dirty letter to my boss using $2 bills. I'm currently taking bills & I'm putting them on the wall, spelling out "Fuck You, Buzzy". You know me. You know Buzzy. He'll never notice & I'll enjoy laughing about this for a year.

I've just completed the "F".

"Fuck You, Buzzy."

My claim to fame is, in tending bar in Hyder for hundreds of years, I can speed Hyderize.

[Recites Hyderization rap super fast:] 

What I have before you is a water chaser, this in the other hand, is a house special. You may not taste it or smell it first. You have to knock it back straight one time & one time only... On the count of 3, down the hatch. 1,2,3. Congratulations, you've just been Hyderized with 1 ounce of Everclear 190 proof straight grain alcohol. Here's you card, sign your name to it...Welcome to Hyder & have a nice day. Bingo! We're done! Thank you.

Todd sank the 9 ball. Todd has me at a distinct disadvantage because his cue ball landed right touch the 12 ball, which I cannot touch in order to make my shot. This is going to be a close game. Both Todd & Mel only have the 8 ball on the table.

Mel failed to sink the 8 ball, now it's up to Todd. I have a dime, Canadian, on Todd. Laura has a dime, Canadian, on Mel. Todd's aiming...that also did not go in.

Where'd that money go? The dimes are gone. The money that me & Laura were wagering is gone. Missing from the table.

Todd sank the 8 & has won the game! Mel's winning streak is ended. If I were to lose to anybody on the planet, I'm glad it's Todd Gilliom.

Coming over the border, we thought there'd be another search, but our hitchhikers informed us there is no border patrol here. They said, "There used to be a sign, but it fell down". So that's a way to get into Alaska if you've got a bag of dope. But we don't.

I admit I stole those dimes.

I talked to an old woman, she's here from South Africa & she was part of the white apartheid group. She said she knew absolutely nothing of the atrocities that were going on in the black neighborhoods and she's really glad Mandela has been in. And since Mandela's been in, there's been a wealth of information given to the white populace about the atrocities. I'm sure it's denial. It could be, but she seemed pretty sincere about it. Her name was Myra. Myra from South Africa.. The way she pronounced her vowels was just beautiful.

Our first beer when we get to Alaska is dedicated to James & Jamie in Gillette, Wyoming! Hey! This is our second....OH!! Yaaayyyy!!!! James & Jamie in Gillette, Wyoming!! May they enjoy their jobs at Subway and everything afterwards. The point is - We got that responsibility out of the way. Now all we have to worry about is the first bowl for Chuck & Digger. Which will be glorious. After that, we're free.

Mel is the most sociable person - flashing peace signs at guys in Volvos. I like talking to people. The only way to meet people is to be sociable with them because they're not going to be sociable with you. More than I like talking to people, Mel does. I'm having a great time! This is fun! The Glacier Inn. Hyder, Alaska.

Mel's not too uninhibited. I should let out a war whoop right now, but there's too many people. We all have Ranier, thanks to Jon. From beer pressure to peer pressure is the difference of another beer. One more, or one less, it depends on your mood. Shame on me. He about sunk the 8 ball. My money's on Laura. Mine's on Mel. It always has been. Though I defeated him.

Shit! Mel sunk the black ball! I've got the dough! I'm buying the pork rinds.

I need a pack of Camel Special Lights in a bag. I'm taking a pack of GPCs out of the milk crate. Mine's under the bunk on the right hand side. Here you go! Here's the keys! Go!!

These microwaved pork rinds, they're terrible. Have one.

No!

One!

No!

I dare you!

No!

You played me in pool. That was pretty daring.

Not as daring as eating fucking fried pork skin.

"60% less fat than fried pork rinds", but they're still disgusting. They're nuclear pork rinds.

I finished my last beer. 

I haven't.

I'm down to 3 dollars, Canadian.

I've got 20, Canadian.

I've got 23 dollars, American.

I've got 2 dollars, Canadian, 2 dollars, American, & a credit card.

This pork rind's like a bone. We're in Alaska, we're just not where we want to be in Alaska. I like Kool Milds. It doesn't get your fix though. It's like smoking a candy cane. You'd think that would cover up the breath, but it really makes it worse.

I try to do this on the sly. I'm only doing this because you don't live here. Who are you gonna tell? You never know. We could become tree planters & come in and tell your boss. We're fishers. We're Hoosiers. Corn planting. Born & bred. I've never lived on a farm.

But you've lived by a farm that's had cornfields before, haven't you?

Yeah.

Jon, you'd better take this 'cause I just drank from it. I'm sorry. Laura is helping Caroline with the staple gun. Come on, Jon. You're up for pool.

OK. Quincy's is an ash.

Caroline, she brought my coat & flannel to me, which I forgot in the bar and she said, "Come here. I've got something to show you...". She paints! She's got water colors and a beautiful beautiful painting that she did of the mountains. She does these regularly & she sells them as postcards around here.That's fucking cool! I'd be totally satisfied with a job like that.

It's raining & we can't get the stove to work. Every other time we try it, it doesn't work. Then every other other time, it does work. Either it's bad karma, or we're just fucking up.

Day 8 - 5:42pm: We left the Glacier Inn. Laura & I made sandwiches. Todd & Jon are having chips. And Todd & Jon are trying to figure out where we're going. I don't know where we're going. Todd is concentrated. In talking to Dylan & Frank, I learned a lot about Europe. All that decadence & sex & chaos you hear about? It's true. Laura's stealing my chips. There's decadence here too. We could be in Amsterdam.

Hyderization certification, front.

Hyderization certification, back..

Back to British Columbia

Or, go anywhere:  

Van Log '94: A Collective Narrative:

Forward by Todd               South Dakota, pt. 1               Washington

Leaving Indiana                South Dakota, pt. 2               British Columbia

Illinois                               Wyoming                               Hyder, AK (side trip)

Wisconsin                         Montana                                Yukon Territory

Minnesota                         Idaho                                     Alaska

Van Log, 1994: Yukon Territory

Refreshment.

3:15 am: I'm in the Yukon! At the gas station, all the lights were off & they turned them all on - even their pump lights -just for us! The people people are friendly, very heavy Canadian accents. Driving the mountains at night is bizarre. You see all kinds of bizarre things, and that's how my last couple of hours have been going.

Coming in through the Yukon, there was some extremely muddy territory where they were doing construction, which was extremely disorienting because all the lights from the work vehicles were glaring off of my face... ...My face!... were glaring off the windshield. I'm about half asleep. In fact, I'm making this entry to stay awake. It looks like the road's moving. I hope I make it out alive.

6:40 am: It may seem like a dumb thing to tell you about, but we just saw a fox & it was all bushy tailed. I'm glad we didn't strike him down with this van. He had a white tip on his tail. Skinny clever fox. I'm glad we didn't hit him. He's still out there and I hope he never sticks his nose in a porcupine quill.

Porcupine #9! We're stopped behind a Yukon school bus & a school boy's getting on. He looks totally Americanized - he's got the slick hair, he's got the BUM sweatshirt, taking a seat toward the back of the bus. We're about 45 miles East of Whitehorse, by the way. It's called "Diversified". That's all it says on the side of the bus. No number, no school system. Just "Diversified". I was hoping they'd be, like, Jed Clampet kids.

Yukon Pancakes, courtesy of Todd & Laura.

We pulled over in Whitehorse. Cooked some pancakes and Laura made some strawberry & banana syrup. Mmmmmm...delicious. We're gonna clean up this mess a bit, then go get coffee somewhere and decide where & when to go.

7:05 am: We just had coffee at a nice little restaurant & we saw the new Drum package! It's a lot tougher lookin', looks bigger; and seeing the new Drum package, you realize how sissy the old Drum packed looks. We're gonna get two hitch hikers.

We just dropped off some hitchhikers going down to Vancouver. Just picked them up for maybe a couple of miles...took them to the highway. One guy sounded Australian, but I didn't ask. He had a nice coat though, I got one like it.

Now, I like the new Drum package for what we're gonna be doing in Alaska, but the old Drum package has some class. So when I go out on the town, I think I'll look for the old Drum package. I mean, it's got the regal blue & gold and it looks really nice. That's good that I have options now. I can dress my Drum with my attire.

Here's Mel on Hitler: Hitler's generals (particularly Goering) said, "We could take Canada easily and that would be a great blow to Great Britain". And Hitler - quote - "laughed" and said, "Why would we want that? All that's gonna do is attract unwanted attention from the Americans and it isn't worth shit anyway". No way. He didn't see the Yukon. He didn't drive the 99 North. He never saw our lake. He never saw the pine trees. He never saw shit. The moss & lichens. He never saw Wall Drug, or he would've been in South Dakota. Yet another of Hitler's follies.

1:45 pm: We saw a lemming.

1:50 pm: We may be in Pachyderm country. There's been two of them all loaded with shit. Hauling their cars with them so they can set up a little home & watch TV and all that other bullshit. Fucking Sam's Club members. I hope we don't see any more.

We just passed a weird little cemetery by the highway and it had little houses in it. Maybe crude mausoleums. Pretty weird looking, kind of took us by surprise a little bit.

Mel's island.

Dall sheep.

3:48 pm - Medical Report: Todd slammed his right middle finger in the door. We're at the site of Mel's future tower, Coin Lake. It's beautiful and we've had another accident.

Laura's giving puffed rice to the seagulls and they seem to really like it a lot. They're gobbling it up. We're going to try to tape some seagulls chirping.

[Sound of seagulls chirping]

We put a trail of bread into the van and the fat one ate it all. But he won't come in. He's shy of audio recorders.

There's a sheep walking down the mountain! Now he's stumbling in the middle of the road! He's cute. Laura's going out with a carrot to try to tame the sheep. He's walking away. It's going up the mountain...and he almost fell. Now a seagull's going over to eat the carrot that Laura threw in the road. Laura got mad because he wouldn't eat it. The mountain goat is now running up a steep hill. If he falls, I'll tell you.

4:07 pm: I just tried to have a little encounter with a mountain goat; but he didn't like the carrot, so he took off up the mountain.

What did he say?

He said, "Waaaughhhh!!!!"

4:28 pm: We just saw our second lemming of the day. He's not anywhere near a cliff so maybe he's not afraid to be independent of the hoard of lemmings. We just entered "Destruction Bay", site of our last trip's beer run. Their sign is a bulldozer that says, "Welcome To Destruction Bay".

5:25 pm: I've just received a field dressing of paper towels and duct tape from Laura, who applied her veterinary science knowledge to my fingernail. Now my finger kind of looks like a dog's paw. It's all...I don't know...I'm just waiting for the border patrol to ask me what's in it.

Mel's made a nice sign. It says: "Faithful servants of our country, It would be greatly appreciated if you, in your diligent search for criminal possessions, would kindly replace those items that you open, move, or otherwise dishevel. Thank you, The residents of the van PS. God Bless you."

That's pretty cocky. Will it do us any good? I'll bet a roll of duct tape that it won't do us any good.

OK, I'll bet a fine leather thong that there will be less destruction than the last time we came through here. And I'll also bet a second fine leather thong that, even if they're complete total dick asshole motherfuckers, we'll still get a comment about the sign.

Well, I don't have a problem with that. I fully agree with that.

Now, wait a minute! I'm gonna bet a roll of duct tape against a leather thong???

I know, you're ripping me off. You can do anything with a leather thong! You can make a necklace from a fine leather thong.

Or duct tape.

Yeah, but it's much more stylish with a thong.

No, it's not. Silver is futuristic.

I'm talking about tasteful fashion here.

So am I! OK, duct tape for thong. Get out! ... Fuck it! It's fun to gamble.

If they're really irritable, that "God bless" could be seen as a little cocky and that could be the difference between a quick search and a long, drawn-out search.

That's possible, but what's to say we don't really mean "God bless you"? Who's to say that??

I have a rotten banana. I'm sure not gonna waste it, I'm gonna eat it. This book here says that, "Godfather Peyote" makes the unborn baby dance inside it's mother's womb. Hmmm.....

5:48 pm: Once again stuck behind a pachyderm hauling a vehicle. And we're on a shitty dirt and oil covered road. And it's starting to rain. At the first possible opportunity...We're passing this fucker. Make sure it's clear...it's looking pretty good...Hell's bells, here we go! We're even with the pachyderm...We're gone. We're on our way. Good riddance, you bastard.

7:01 pm: The last sign we saw said "3 Miles". We must be near the border because it wasn't measured in Kilometers. We made a gas stop near the end of our Canada trip, at Beaver Creek. We had 4 nice showers. We want to get to Alaska and get out of here. Hopefully we're in Alaska soon.

And indeed we were! 
Alaska - the final leg of our journey lies ahead.
Just one Border Patrol to go.

Or, go anywhere:  

Van Log '94: A Collective Narrative:

Forward by Todd               South Dakota, pt. 1               Washington

Leaving Indiana                South Dakota, pt. 2               British Columbia

Illinois                               Wyoming                               Hyder, AK (side trip)

Wisconsin                         Montana                                Yukon Territory

Minnesota                         Idaho                                     Alaska