Zonkboard Comics

For awhile, at The Real World...Blogger Style!, we'd make these online comics using text from our real zonkboard conversations:

Example Zonkboard comic.

What Do You Want?

Some recent search engine queries that brought visitors to Rebel Leady Boy Scrapbook:

• amish healthcare
• anchorage taco bell camera
• Bob Barker piggyback ride
• come mr tally man tally my banana
• dogs peeing on the wall
• funny cabbage
• great butt excercises
• hitler yelling
• how to be a fat sumo
• how to counterfit $20
• how does mass affect a pinewood derby car?
• i'm in jail
• incredible hulk nightlight
• jonnie esoteric
• old lady half werewolf
• pee in the coffee pot
• scrapbook boy
• supergirl porn
• testicle punishment
• what is the best outfit to wear for a singing competition

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, Oct. 10, 2005]

Which JohnnyC Quote are You?

Update 9/5/2025 - I ran a couple of the results quotes through ChatGPT and after an intense commentary, I asked, "Is it metal?"

ChatGPT responded: "Yeah-- It's metal as hell. [fire emoji].

In the mid-2000s, JohnnyC emailed me a list of outrageous metal quotations he had written down and saved. I was not sure what to do with them, but I thought they should be shared. I didn't know how to incorporate them into my blog, so the Which JohnnyC Quote are You? quiz was born. 

Original banner link to the quiz.

The quiz is no longer active. I may have to recreate it, but until then, here's a reproduction:

Which JohnnyC Quote are You?

JohnnyC has said a lot of crazy shit.

Which JohnnyC quote best characterizes you?

1. Which statement appeals to you the most?

a. "Lick my plate, you dog dick”.

b. "Nothing damages better than a brand new building”.

c. “Blarney Balls”!

d. "Bus Driver, I want to drive your bus”.

e. "I'm gonna try to get some off a skank at the Motel 6”.

2. If you could have any number of eyes besides two, how many would you prefer?

a. None            .

b. One.

c. Three to Nineteen.

d. Twenty.

e. More than twenty.

3. Which element best characterizes you?

a. Earth .

b. Wind.

c. Fire.

d. Water.

e. Meat.

4. You are pissed off because:

a. You are horny.

b. You only have one eye.

c. Your favorite electronics warehouse has vanished without a trace

d. They put cheese on your burger even though you told them:
    "Hamburger, not cheeseburger."

e. All of the above.

5. Who rocks harder?

a. Metallica.

b. Van Halen (David Lee Roth).

c. Van Halen (Sammy Hagar).

d. AC/DC.

e. Kiss

6. If you had to eat only one thing, what would you prefer?

a. White Castle.

b. Vienna sausages.

c. Something without cheese.

d. Poontang.

e. Nachos.

Possible Results

(sorted from most to least popular)

1. Rage and Mayhem - 24% of participants, awarded 61 times:

The clouds in the sky above float weightless, yet they attack me as if made of lead and crush me in fits of rage and mayhem.

2. Automated Warriors - 15% of participants, awarded 38 times:

Licking the fresh wounds of indifferent weapons, the helldogs gather behind the automated warriors and launch a terror assault against the demon children of mistrust and misunderstanding.

3. Misunderstood Agony - 14% of participants, awarded 35 times:

I bleed not red but the crimson of hate and the fire orange of misunderstood agony, and my mind is the chimney for the raging firebox of my tortured soul.

4. Wall Not Yet Built - 12% of participants, awarded 31 times:

Rain down upon me the drops of searing lust for destruction of wall not yet built and the wet tears of souls not hearing their destiny.

5. Ill Gotten Animals - 9% of participants, awarded 23 times:

Feed me the meat of ill gotten animals and let my disease begin to spread across the universe.

6. Beginnings of Armageddon - 6% of participants, awarded 14 times:

The sirens wail and the nukes rain down as the loathsome cowards, otherwise known as the world leaders, gather in their cocoons of sin and larceny, watching the beginnings of Armageddon in their palaces of anti-terror"

7. Beginnings of Armageddon - 6% of participants, awarded 14 times:

The cold skin of fear creeps down my back leading the last morsels of conscious thought into a paranoid rage as the curtains of night close on the theater of ultimate terror.

8. Retribution Against the Demons - 6% of participants, awarded 14 times:

The scorched earth,blackened by flames of tortured souls, screams in agony for retribution against the demons and vandals who lit the match with their blood stained fingers

9. My Festering Soul - 4% of participants, awarded 11 times:

Every passing of the satellites overhead keeps me cowering in fear of demons in black who wait for my miserable failure, feasting on my festering soul.

10.  Bleeding in the Gutter - 4% of participants, awarded 9 times:

As the mulleted skull lay bleeding in the gutter, I silently observed the remnants of horror in the eyes reminding me that rock and roll will never die, but flesh and blood is flesh and blood. 

Yelp Avatar

2019

My favorite Yelp review: 

Rodrigo's Mexican Grill, Mar. 21, 2020 - Great take-out! We eat at Rodrigo's pretty regularly. I have become a great fan of their seafood enchiladas in recent months. It's almost always a delightful experience dining there. Staff are often welcoming. The dining environment is stimulating: Lots of flowers, refills on chips and salsa from the comfort of your own table.
Tonight we ordered take-out for the first time and I was a little bit nervous I would not enjoy the food as much without the bottomless chips and salsa. The razzle dazzle of the dining experience always stays with me longer than anything else.
What a shocker to find the food is just as good, if not better at home! It just goes to show that Rodrigo's has a solid foundation in delicious menu items. The stimulating dining environment and refills on chips and salsa are just the icing on the cake. Rodrigo's take-out is a great choice any (or every) day of the week.

Former Avatars: 2013

One of my favorites, used for social media beginning in 2013:

Twits, 2007-2012

I never used Twitter much.  Here's my entire tweet history:

*Update 11/6/2022 - Finally deactivated the account this morning.

Year in Facebook Status, 2011

The year 2011 as recorded in Facebook posts:

2011.

Ow, my head. Happy New Year! - Sudoku time! - Tacodawg food truck has reached another level of greatness with their new & improved Reuben Dog (now with pastrami). Best hot dog ever. - Off to San Bernardino today: birthplace of the first McDonalds, Taco Bell, and the Hell’s Angels Motorcycle Club.  Other attractions include Randy Rhodes’ gravesite. That’s about it. - Spending tomorrow in L.A. - WINNING is the new losing. - Runescape Night! Indian Food!! - I was just told by an elderly library patron that I look like a young Liberace. She meant it as a compliment. - Enjoying Germany immensely. Had my first taste of steak tartare and am addicted. Must find a tartare connection when I get back to the U.S. - I received the best compliment ever: I can drink like a German. - We did a ridiculous amount of laundry today. - Today’s Huntington Beach summary: Breakfast at the Longboard, rented a tandem peddle car, watched some street performers, got some sun, held an albino snake. - Checked out the Long Beach Pirate Invasion today. - Watching Hallmark channel’s “Golden Girls” marathon w/ Sandra. - I’m home from work and playing handyman today. Just repaired two door issues, both related to limiting cat access. - Off to see Daniel Tosh in Anaheim soon. - MMmmm: fermented pear cider. - Alright! I’m in st louis with bro todd. Visiting jon sr tomorrow - Alright! Chipotle gave me my barbacoa bowl for free tonight. Just for being a regular customer. - I’ve taken on the Library’s eSupport duties this week. Any difficulties with hour eBooks or eAudiobooks, I’m the guy to talk to. Yep. - Cro-Mags! - Feeling pretty German: reading Gunter Grass’s “The Tin Drum” and drinking Gluwein (mit Kraken). - Geez: I’m turning into a caramel corn fiend. - Finishing the year out in style: homebound with an upper respiratory infection.

Former Avatars: 2011

I'm not sure why I used this as a social media avatar, but I did for awhile in 2011.

 

Editor's Introduction

Editor's Introduction to I Left My Heart in Gilliomville
By Jonnie 

For the most part, this volume’s text was taken directly from posts made to the Gilliomville Message Board between Oct. 2001 and Oct. 2008 – W’s post-9-11 years. In some cases, the text was not always copied verbatim. Some things have been altered slightly in the interest of conciseness or clarity. I also paraphrased occasionally and followed most spell-check recommendations when appropriate or if funny and/or interesting.

Some of the text is original to this document. My father (“Uncle Jon”) and Uncle Rick’s ex-wife, Deb, provided some really good stories which fit the spirit of this publication, even though they did not formally appear on the original message board. I also added some personal recollections when they complimented a particular discussion or line of inquiry. I sometimes added editorial notes as well.

I related the story about me and Nick getting kicked off the golf course from memory because its original discussion on the Messageboard was fragmented and probably confusing to anybody who wasn’t there.

It took some effort to make sense of the multitude of random messageboard posts that have accumulated over the years, but I think this book’s five sections provide a reasonable categorization scheme.

Anyway, thanks to everybody for contributing Gilliom/Frank lore and for participating in Gilliomville over the years. When I started the original message board, I had no idea we would still be regularly using it seven years in the future. 

[From "I Left My Heart in Gilliomville," 2008]

G-ville Timeline

Oct. 10, 2001 -  Quicktopic Message Board

The idea for an online message board came about shortly after Todd and Amanda’s wedding in late 2001. It seemed like a great way for our geographically dispersed family to stay in touch without exerting too much effort or expense.

Nick is the one who gave Gilliomville its name via AOL Instant Messenger when I was setting up the original message board and couldn’t think of anything to call it. He suggested, “Why not Gilliomville”?  Sounded good to me, and the name stuck.

The message board was much more of a hit than anybody expected. Soon Gillioms and Franks were posting to it pretty regularly from Indiana, Texas, Arizona, California, and Alaska.

Before long, there was talk of establishing a normal website where we could post photographs and be able to reach the message board with a simple mouse click.

In early 2002, I started archiving the message board posts in case we ever lost the Quicktopic site. I still have most of the archives, though two pages (part of December, 2001 and part of February 2002, I think) were corrupted and the information is no longer viewable. I tried to revisit these pages through the Quicktopic site, but they only save a limited number of posts (going back to 2004 as of last month). It’s possible the lost posts could be accessed by a paid membership, but I’m not willing to pay the $49 membership fee to find out.

Dec. 17, 2001 - Original Gilliomville Website

The first Gilliomville page was set up on a free Tripod account. It had the Gilliomville logo, a link to the message board, a list of Gilliom/Frank birthdays (compiled by Nancy Frank) and a Link of the Week. The first link of the week was a Fraser Fir Christmas Tree website in response to an ongoing message board discussion at the time. The idea of, “safety needles” really captured my imagination. I think the first full photo gallery was Todd and Amanda’s wedding gallery.

Gilliomville started growing from there, though we were limited by the Tripod account’s skimpy amount of free server space. We basically had a FAQ page and, eventually, a few photo galleries.

April, 2002 – Gilliomville.com

Gilliomville proper went into effect when we purchased the Gilliomville.com domain and some server space which was paid for by Uncle Jon and reimbursed by contributions from the Gillioms and Franks.

Gilliomville.com grew pretty big for its britches as we added all kinds of bells and whistles – extensive photo galleries, survey pages, and I don’t remember what all. It became a pretty high maintenance endeavor, but I had some time on my hands in those days. It actually kept me out of trouble by giving me something productive to occupy my time through some pretty sketchy times.

By this time, I was living in Los Angeles and had a stable address for the first time since late 1999. I left a lot of personal items in Uncle Jon’s garage when I left Alaska for Las Vegas at the end of 1999 and now these items started trickling back to me. I also acquired a scanner, so family photographs began to appear in the extensive Gilliomville galleries.

                                                                                 

December, 2006 - Messageboard “Upgrade”

By 2006, Gilliomville was running on server space provided at a substantial discount by an acquaintance from The Real World…Blogger Style! who also provided quite a bit of additional software options. In an attempt to make the message board more up-to-date and versatile, I installed a more powerful message board program which ran on our own server. The new message board included individual avatars, the ability to hotlink images inside posts, and all kinds of extra features.

The new message board met with quite a bit of resistance from the Gilliomville community. People didn’t like the logon process and some would-be participants experienced difficulty accessing the new board. I ran a poll asking what people thought of the new message board and only received one response, from cousin Nick Frank, stating, “It sucks.” So, by popular demand, I brought back the original Quicktopic message board. For a time, both boards were accessible from the main Gilliomville page, but Quicktopic was the clear favorite.

May, 2007 - Gilliomville.org

Due to a dispute with the irreputable Domain Registry of America, I allowed Gilliomville.com to expire in 2007. I purchased the Gilliomville.org domain for less than half what I was paying for Gilliomville.com (which wasn’t much, but it was the principle that companies shouldn’t price gouge domain names).

Also, at this time, the acquaintance who was providing our generous amount of discounted server space went into a different business altogether, so I purchase commercial server space. To keep costs down (and since I no longer had a lot of extra time on my hands), Gilliomville.org became a much leaner, low-maintenance website. I dropped the bulky photo galleries and most of the fluff, keeping Gilliomville confined to one page with links to the original Quicktopic Messageboard and to a Flickr account where a selection of Gilliomville photographs were stored.

[From "I Left My Heart in Gilliomville," 2008]

Webcam Memories

A couple of screen shots from my short-lived webcam thing through The Real World...Bloger Style! during my Hulk Hands phase.

Hello, World.

Hulk Hands Charge.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 14, 2005]

G-ville Keywords

Keyword searches that brought people to Gilliomville in the mid-2000s:

amish in California

bend it like beckman photos

bras for full figures that of

breaded cheeseburgers

cocaine in germany guestbook 2004

dan haggerty look alikes

Distressed Camels

fart in a skillet

fay wray s tit shot

fish care for piranahas

fish processing chat room

fort wayne coney island sauce recipe

george foreman bratwurst how long

goldmine-between-your-legs

grandma is shitting

haunted houses and mesquite

history of menenites

how to bullshit a customs officer

how to gig frogs

Hulk Hands

immitation penis with clean urine

in rubber pants

irish goat

john-holmes dukes hazzard

K-Mart Closing Sale

nick nack shelf

peeing

poptarts commercial song

preventing nocturnal erections

raising piranha

Rick Hazel

scary mask

Shooting Wolves

space shuttle clean up

The Arctic Fox

the mule of grizzly adams

Todd's shoes

what is the best road pavement

First Webcam Photo

My first webcam photo. Yep.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Mar. 22, 2004]

Jonnie On Enrichment

Today is the two month anniversary of The Real World ... Blogger Style.
Your assignment is to write a post telling how being a member of the house has enriched your life.   -  Boz 3/19/2004 

Joining the blog-house has been much like accidentally falling into a swimming pool fully clothed at a public event. Initially embarrassing, and your money’s no good. But also, kind of invigorating and often refreshing, depending on the weather.

The RWBS has enriched my life far more than a job ever could.

[ Originally posted on The Real World…Blogger Style! – March 19, 2004 ]

#1 Jonnie

Alright! Google says I'm the #1 "Jonnie" in the world!

#1 Jonnie.

I'm glad my name ignores the common "h" - cuts down on the competition.
I even beat out Jonnie Cochran (mis-spelled).

The Internet should let me have, "Jonnie1" as my instant messenger name.
Give "Jonnie701" to Google's 701st most popular Jonnie.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 25 2004]

Instant Messenger

I am now instant messenger equipped.
The computer named me, "jonnie701."
I shall soon start instant messaging other bloggers so we can talk shit & have encounters in a non-public environment.

This is sort of a milestone, I suppose.
I would like a cake now. Or pie.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 22, 2004]

I'm Nacho Steppinstone

The avatar I used for my first blog, I'm Nacho Steppinstone, launched Dec. 2003.

Drawn-on sharpie sideburns were very fashionable in those days.

 

Going Digital

While the Internet was not readily available in rural Dillingham, Alaska, where I spent the mid-90s, we did have cable TV, so I kept hearing all about how great the Internet was. At first, it seemed like a fad. Initially, I thought they were just talking about email and that people were overenthusiastic about it. Then you'd hear about kids causing trouble from information they found on the Internet and all the rampant porn. That's when I started getting excited about going online—so much information so easily accessible! In the analog world, you had to really hunt around for things.

When I returned to Anchorage in 1997, the World Wide Web (then commonly known as the "Information Super-Highway") was a mainstream phenomenon, but I still had never used a browser in my life. I was able to self-educate myself in the free computer labs of the University of Alaska, Anchorage.

"Fuck you, ape face!"

My brother was working on a digital scanning project for the campus library at that time, and one day he showed me how the scanner worked, which amazed me. He scanned a random comic book image I had with me and then showed me how easily you could add text. I've saved that image to this very day. It’s the one captioned, "Fuck you, Apeface."

We added that text to the original image. Pretty clever, huh?

Another Gilliom Bros. collaboration was, "Jesus Has Joined the Workforce" (below):

Jesus has joined the Work Force!

Yep.