Life, Jim Thompson

 “Life is a bucket of shit with a barbed wire handle.”

– Jim Thompson, Texas By The Tail

Jonnie the Clever Child

In 1970, I got my hand stuck in a chair and couldn't figure out how to pull it out. Instead of helping me, my parents took a picture and captioned it, “Jonnie the clever child." wtf.

Jonnie the clever child.

Melted or Meltdown?

Ambiguous cravings. Ice cream or nuke? Thanks AI!

Happy New Year, 2018

 Out with the old, in with the new. 

First Santa

Anikka’s first visit with Santa Claus; Dec 2021. 

Santa wasn’t actually being scary immediately. Anikka just started crying like crazy when he welcomed her. He did the scary pose real quickly and on the fly for the benefit of a photo when her back was turned to him. He just did that for a second and I’m glad Ericka was ready with the camera.

Pyramid of Force

I found this carved into the road; I think in Laguna Beach in 2013.

I used to call it the pyramid of death, but I think it is actually the pyramid of force.

Pyramid of Force.

Force

Kill All Police.

Kill All the people. All seven billion.

Death all Police.

wtf?

Mesa Verde

With Ericka at awe-inspiring Mesa Verde National Park, home of the cliff dwellers; May, 2015.

Found: Marilyn

Found while browsing one of my mother's old yearbooks.

Marilyn was apparently hell on wheels at Lancaster (Indiana) High School in the late 1960s.

Easter, 1992

Sitting across the street from a church, eating easter candy.

Easter, 1992.

(L to R: Johanns, me, Jason S., Brother Todd).

Trash Talk: A Wallet's Misadventure at Panda Express

Once, in Panda Express, while I was enjoying a meal brimming with flavor, I noticed a teenage couple sitting nearby. One of them had laid their wallet on their food tray and apparently forgot about it because when they left and proceeded to tidy up their table, the wallet was dumped into the trash along with the rest of their meal debris. The pair then exited the restaurant.

My friend exclaimed, “Hey! He just threw his wallet in the trash!”  

Soon after, the teenage duo raced back into the restaurant, panic etched across their faces. The boy, in a moment of brilliant deduction, glanced at the trash can but decided he wasn't the wallet-in-the-trash kind of guy.

A.I. recreation.

Looking back, maybe I should have told them their wallet was in the trash, but, in the moment, I let fate take its course.

The moral of the story? Life's got a twisted sense of humor, and sometimes, wallets just need a little adventure in the trash can.

A.I. recreation.

Supplement to "My Experience Falling Through a Bathroom Ceiling"

Referring back to my earlier post, My Experience Falling Through a Bathroom Ceiling, I’ve always wished someone had taken a photo of the moment. Thanks to the magic of A.I., I’ve now created a rough approximation of what it might have looked like to see me crashing through the ceiling of a high school restroom.

1.) First try - I look like Gary Neuman, but thought this image suffered from the lack of  falling ceiling debris. It also missed the detail that I was wearing a suit jacket.

2.) This is more like it. It included the broken ceiling and showed me coming down on top of a toilet. Also, I look like Ryan.

3.) I look like Brother Todd in this one - kick open the door!

4.) This one captures my confusion pretty well, though the toilet is halfway up the wall.

Anyway, I guess you would have had to have been there.

Dreaming of a Plaid Christmas

 Jonnie and Todd, the Gilliom Bros. - Christmas in the 1970s.

Birth Announcements

Baby announcements for Anikka and Llyr, posted on social media:

Anikka Kathalyn.

Llyr Liev.

Beach Pokemon

While I was catching pokemon on the beach before work, I looked up from my phone and saw this:

Every Meximelt

Personal ad placed in the Valentine's Day edition of a local newspaper (Bloomington, IN; Feb. 1992). It is a message from Larry to Laura Lynn. I'm guessing Larry was a Taco Bell employee and Laura Lynn was a customer.

At one point, Larry had apparently taken a photograph of Laura Lynn during one of her visits to his establishment & published it in the local newspaper along with a personal message of love. 

Laura Lynn,

You don't know me, but I love you.

I work at Taco Bell.

I was thinking maybe you love me too,

because you're there so much.

It's your smile I see when I melt the cheese on every Meximelt.

Please be mine.

Larry

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Mar. 9, 2004]

Found Note: My Grandparents Think I'm Gay

Note found in a public library:

My grandparents think I'm gay.

The Golden Lion

I got this when we saw Dick the Bruiser wrestle for WWA at the Fort Wayne Coliseum in the late '70s or very early '80s. I've kept it for the next 40 years, so may it be preserved digitally forevermore.

Tim Golden

The Golden Lion

WWA

Vending Machine Rant

One night in the Nautilus Marine break room, a tall, bearded, drunken hillbilly staggered into the break room to buy something from a vending machine. He was dressed in a camouflaged jacket and rubber boots. He claimed the change machine short-changed him 25 cents which triggered what can only be described as a complete reversion to savagery.

I recorded his comments in a journal I was keeping at the time:

"A tall bearded hillbilly...claims the dollar bill changer only gave him 75 cents back for his dollar. His initial comment was, 'Hey!...It only gave me 75 cents!! But, hey!...That's all I need!' After he finished his snack though, he started beating on the change machine and yelling for somebody to 'Call the fuckin' cops'. 

He tried to write on the wall that the machine owed him money, but his pen was dry; so he hurled it against a nearby table and sat down with his face in his hands. Soon, he started to demand that somebody, 'Call the fuckin' cops'!!"  

"He says, 'If I robbed a liquor store, they'd call the cops on me; but this machine can rip me off a quarter and the cops don't even care.'" 

"Now he's swaying a lot. He can barely hold his head up straight. He's saying, 'Fuck America' and 'God Damn America' over and over and over again. Now he just added, 'God Bless Alaska'!! He'll be asleep soon." 

"Oh! He got a second wind. He's raving (to nobody in particular, just in case anybody's listening) - 'I live like an animal!...I'm a savage!!...If you don't believe me, if you think I'm full of shit, just live with me for a year - I'll show you how an animal lives'!!! ... 'I've been sleeping by railroad tracks and under trucks for years, usually with no heat"! [Jonnie comments: "ha ha, "usually"?] 'We're living in the end times...and when the cities fall, I'll be thriving'!!"

Packing Crew, Nautilus Marine; Valdez AK, 1991.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Sep. 27, 2004]

Red, White, & Brown

Dropped (not by me) on the sidewalk in Laguna Beach, California.

Red, White, & Brown.

Hulk Hands Birthday Party

Orange, CA; Aug., 2004.

Recently, I gave my Hulk hands a holiday vacation by the swimming pool to pay them back for all the good times they had given me.