Life, Jim Thompson

 “Life is a bucket of shit with a barbed wire handle.”

– Jim Thompson, Texas By The Tail

Jonnie the Clever Child

In 1970, I got my hand stuck in a chair and couldn't figure out how to pull it out. Instead of helping me, my parents took a picture and captioned it, “Jonnie the clever child." wtf.

Jonnie the clever child.

Ice Cream or Nuke?

Ice cream or nuke? Thanks AI!

Happy New Year, 2018

 Out with the old, in with the new. 

I'm Awesome

Ericka got me this awesome card. I love it.

Text inside reads, "You're Awesome!"

Yes!

First Santa

Anikka’s first visit with Santa Claus; Dec 2021. 

Santa wasn’t actually being scary immediately. Anikka just started crying like crazy when he welcomed her. He did the scary pose real quickly and on the fly for the benefit of a photo when her back was turned to him. He just did that for a second and I’m glad Ericka was ready with the camera.

Mesa Verde

With Ericka at awe-inspiring Mesa Verde National Park, home of the cliff dwellers; May, 2015.

Easter, 1992

Sitting across the street from a church, eating easter candy.

Easter, 1992.

(L to R: Johanns, me, Jason S., Brother Todd).

Midwestern Working Class Badasses

This was taken in a restaurant/bar where I used to work in the late 1980s, I was taking a picture of something and the guy in the middle goes, "Hey - take a picture of me and my brothers."

Midwestern Working Class Badasses.

I don't know why he directed me to take their photo. This was before digital cameras and email. There was no photographic instant gratification. Film had to be developed before you could see the pictures. So there was no way the photo was intended for their personal viewing. I guess he just wanted a record of their "brotherhood."  So, I'm posting it here for posterity.  

This is kind of how I imagine everybody looking in the old west. Then, they may have been heroes, or would have at least had a lot more influence, good or bad, in a less civilized era.

Note: The guy on the right is flipping the bird with both hands. "Fuck the World." haha

Green Porcelain Beauties

Breathtaking green urinals at the Los Angeles Theater. 

They don’t make them like this anymore. If they did, they would probably charge more to use them.

Dreaming of a Plaid Christmas

 Jonnie and Todd, the Gilliom Bros. - Christmas in the 1970s.

Birth Announcements

Baby announcements for Anikka and Llyr, posted on social media:

Anikka Kathalyn.

Llyr Liev.

Supplement to "My Experience Falling Through a Bathroom Ceiling"

Referring back to my earlier post, My Experience Falling Through a Bathroom Ceiling, I’ve always wished someone had taken a photo of the moment. Thanks to the magic of A.I., I’ve now created a rough approximation of what it might have looked like to see me crashing through the ceiling of a high school restroom.

1.) First try - I look like Gary Neuman, but thought this image suffered from the lack of  falling ceiling debris. It also missed the detail that I was wearing a suit jacket.

2.) This is more like it. It included the broken ceiling and showed me coming down on top of a toilet. Also, I look like Ryan.

3.) I look like Brother Todd in this one - kick open the door!

4.) This one captures my confusion pretty well, though the toilet is halfway up the wall.

Anyway, I guess you would have had to have been there.

Found Note: My Grandparents Think I'm Gay

Note found in a public library:

My grandparents think I'm gay.

The Golden Lion

I got this when we saw Dick the Bruiser wrestle for WWA at the Fort Wayne Coliseum in the late '70s or very early '80s. I've kept it for the next 40 years, so may it be preserved digitally forevermore.

Tim Golden

The Golden Lion

WWA

Vending Machine Rant

One night in the Nautilus Marine break room, a tall, bearded, drunken hillbilly staggered in to buy something from a vending machine. He was dressed in a camouflaged jacket and rubber boots. He claimed the change machine short-changed him 25 cents which triggered what can only be described as a complete reversion to savagery.

I recorded his comments in a journal I was keeping at the time:

"A tall bearded hillbilly...claims the dollar bill changer only gave him 75 cents back for his dollar. His initial comment was, 'Hey!...It only gave me 75 cents!! But, hey!...That's all I need!' After he finished his snack though, he started beating on the change machine and yelling for somebody to 'Call the fuckin' cops'. 

He tried to write on the wall that the machine owed him money, but his pen was dry; so he hurled it against a nearby table and sat down with his face in his hands. Soon, he started to demand that somebody, 'Call the fuckin' cops'!!"  

"He says, 'If I robbed a liquor store, they'd call the cops on me; but this machine can rip me off a quarter and the cops don't even care.'" 

"Now he's swaying a lot. He can barely hold his head up straight. He's saying, 'Fuck America' and 'God Damn America' over and over and over again. Now he just added, 'God Bless Alaska'!! He'll be asleep soon." 

"Oh! He got a second wind. He's raving (to nobody in particular, just in case anybody's listening) - 'I live like an animal!...I'm a savage!!...If you don't believe me, if you think I'm full of shit, just live with me for a year - I'll show you how an animal lives'!!! ... 'I've been sleeping by railroad tracks and under trucks for years, usually with no heat"! [Jonnie comments: "ha ha, "usually"?] 'We're living in the end times...and when the cities fall, I'll be thriving'!!"

Packing Crew, Nautilus Marine; Valdez AK, 1991.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Sep. 27, 2004]

Red, White, & Brown

Dropped (not by me) on the sidewalk in Laguna Beach, California.

Red, White, & Brown.

Hulk Hands Birthday Party

Orange, CA; Aug., 2004.

Recently, I gave my Hulk hands a holiday vacation by the swimming pool to pay them back for all the good times they had given me. 

Bedtime Tingler

Chuck Tingle might have restored my joy of reading.

Publisher's summary for "Bigfoot Pirates Haunt My Balls":

After years of having their natural habitat encroached upon, bigfeet are finally forced to leave the forest and head out into the open ocean. At first, we think that it's the last we’ll ever see of them, until bigfoot piracy becomes rampant across the Seven Seas.

When the most notorious bigfoot pirate, Lorko the Black, is killed off the coast of Santa Monica, a man named Andy begins to feel a mysterious throbbing in his balls. After a trip to the doctor, Andy soon learns that what seemed like a coincidence is actually an acute case of haunted balls, and the only prescription is a bigfoot ghost pirate gangbang!

Now, that piques my interest. Who cares about Merry Christmas, Alex Cross?

Bad Brains

H.R. from Bad Brains, Santa Ana Observatory; Nov., 2012.

Bad Brains.