Fear

Fear @ Alex's Bar, Long Beach, CA: Aug., 2012.

 

Leaving Los Angeles

My new rental in Orange County is good to go. I'll be driving carloads of stuff over there next Wednesday. MLIS classes start back up in a couple of weeks.

Leaving East Los Angeles behind, I will really only miss the amazing late night taco trucks and food stands. Best tacos ever, no contest.

I guess I will also miss the commercial murals that are painted on many of the local independent stores to advertise products.

Like this one:

Cat in a stew, pig serving sandwiches.

 And their blatant disregard for copyright law:

Tweety bird with a giant glass of juice.

Winnie the Pooh with a beverage next to a cornucopia of fruit.

Tube of Colgate over the store entrance door..

One guy used to have Wolverine painted on his liquor store, but it has since been painted over.

A weird, fairly common, motif is to show happy animals being cooked, like there will be a painting of a cow or pig being cooked in a pot over a fire with a big smile on their face.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Jan. 15, 2004]

AK Autos

While I'm recalling Alaska, they had two vehicle modifications that I don't believe are common in most of the lower 48 (states).

1. Studded Tires - Every year, everybody swaps their tires for winter tires which include dull metal studs to maintain traction of frozen roads.

Tire stud informational display.

People sometimes use chains in the continental states, but the studs are better for long term daily use (winters are a lot longer up there).

They're an extra expense, the unused set of tires (studded in summer, regular in winter) requires storage space, and changing them is another annoying thing on the To-Do list every 6 months or so.

2. Engine Heaters - Alaskan vehicles come equipped with a small heater in the engine, it plugs into an extension cord and is necessary to prevent the engine oil from freezing overnight. So the cars have little plugs coming out their grills. It's common practice to plug in the car at night for the coldest couple months of the year. 

In Anchorage, modern apartment complexes had electrical outlets available on posts located in the parking lot, one for each parking space. 

In Dillingham, we would run an industrial extension cord from the house to the van.

Here is a photo of me changing a tire on the ice, using a lever made from firewood to assist my piece-of-crap jack:

Changing a tire in a frozen driveway.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 29 2004]

Hands Across America

Yep, I did this. It seemed like the thing to do at the time.
We met at the high school and were bussed  around to where they needed people.
Weird thing.

Hands Across America: May 25, 1986.

I was not particularly community minded in high school, but I do remember participating in things like this. I also participated in a community disaster response drill where I was instructed to act like I was injured along with a bunch of other people at the high school (of course), then we were taken to the hospital to see how emergency response teams would handle such an event. I don't know why, but I was always quick to volunteer for things like that.

Viagra Store

Viagra store ("pharmacy") in Mexico.

This was a cruise ship stop (Mexico, not the viagra store).

Xmas Party

I have to go to the company Christmas party today goddammit. I had no intention of attending, but my boss is shrewd and will be giving out paychecks at the Christmas party. If you skip the Xmas party, the office is closed the rest of the week & you're assed-out on your check. I'm still not so sure I'll go though. Maybe I'll flip a coin.

**UPDATE**

OK, I'm going to the company Christmas party. Ready to walk out the door right now. I'm bringing my gift, it's a hand flipping the bird. Can't wait to see who gets randomly chosen to receive my gift:

Merry Christmas, fucker.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 22, 2003]

Shaving Cream Head

Has anyone every played Shaving Cream Head?

It's tons of fun, it's almost free, and it's anonymous.

Just run around in public and raise hell with your identity disguised by the shaving cream.

If you're in a small town, it's funny to urge people to try to guess who you are. Nobody will have a clue.

I am the one in the Attakiska Alaskan Vodka t-shirt.

My friend James and I originated this in 1991. 

It may have influenced the later Juggalo movement.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 27, 2004]

Medical Marvel

This drawing was on a notepad in the Gripco guard desk, so I would see it every time I worked.  I think I cropped it to remove phone numbers and names that were surrounding it.

I think it started as a weird design, then had a head and body added around it.  Somebody  must have thought it looked like a surgery and labelled it, "medical marvel."  

Pretty weird. Pretty worth saving.

"Medical Marvel."

Cheap Video Reviews: Wild Guitar

Wild Guitar.

Wild Guitar opens with a teenager riding a motorcycle around Los Angeles, California. He's wearing a leather jacket and the viewer can't help but to assume this teenager is probably looking for trouble. As the biker rolls into town, the viewer is treated to a series of black & white Los Angeles street scenes from what must be the early 1960s. These historic scenes are interspersed with footage of the motorcycling teenager; who will, unfortunately, probably turn out to be our story's hero.

The motorcycling Teenager.

The teenager decides to check out the scene. He parks his motorcycle somewhere and starts walking around town. Apparently he is not local to Los Angeles because he's carrying a suitcase and engaging in a great deal of rubbernecking.

Hollywood Blvd.

At one point, while crossing the street, his suitcase falls open and his laundry falls into the street; so he has to repack in front of a shitload of impatient drivers as they unmercifully honk their car horns at him. He is not a city guy.

The teenager stops to check out the Capitol Records building and longingly adores it for awhile, then he strolls on down Hollywood Blvd., stopping for a moment to admire a neon Dean Martin sign outside "Dino's Lounge". At this point, he seems inspired and runs a comb through his hair. Despite his difficult adjustment period, this trip is turning out to be worth it after all.

Dino.

Now it's time for refreshment. Our hero drops by the Coffee Cup Cafe which is staffed by a no-nonsense straight-talking waitress named Marge. Off to the side, there are three lowlifes playing cards in plaid jackets. When they see our hero, the lowlifes are less than impressed.

Lowlife 1: "What's that"??
Lowlife 2: "Me thinks it's a Hick"!

Lowlife 3: "Yeah! A HICK"!

Three lowlifes.

These clowns are obviously douchebags who have nothing better to do all day than run their mouths.

Just to show they mean business though, one of the lowlifes mutters, "Hit me" during the card game.

Another replies, "OK", and punches him right in the face. You wouldn't want to mess around with these guys.

Seated at the counter is a perky blond girl. Our hero sits down right next to her.

Perky blonde girl.

The blond girl is talking to Marge the waitress about how she just got a role on the "Hell Kitten" TV program. In front of her is an untouched sandwich. She comments, "I just wanted to feed the butterflies. I'm not hungry". At first I thought this scene was supposed to show how nice the girl was. Now, during my reflections as I type this, I realize butterflies don't eat sandwiches and the butterflies she was talking about were in her stomach. She was talking about being nervous before her appearance on "Hell Kitten". This movie had no butterflies in it at all.

"Who needs freeways anyway?"

Back to our hero: He is discouraged by the menu prices and orders a donut and coffee. Marge tells him he forgot the tax: "You forgot the tax! A penny for the governor!"

When she sees he's broke, Marge covers it from her tip jar and makes a shitty comment: "Who needs freeways anyway"?

This may be the reason she gives our hero a girl's cup to drink from.

Well, of course the blond girl gives our hero her sandwich since she wasn't hungry anyway. As she gets up, she trips over our hero's guitar; which he has left laying on its side, protruding out into the walkway.

The blond girl doesn't get mad at all. She just asks our hero if he's a musician. He affirms he is.

Blond Girl: "I read somewhere about the thousands of kids we come to Hollywood each year, but I forget the exact number".

It is obvious to everybody that our hero is from out of town.

Our hero feels some pressure to make himself stand out in the crowd, so he produces a letter from the manager of a local radio station, "in Spearfish", who used to put him on the air.

Well, nobody is impressed. The viewer is treated to a series of closeups of everybody in the diner (even young children, who apparently know all about geography) looking puzzled and inquiring, "Spearfish"?

We learn that Spearfish is in South Dakota, much to the amusement of the L.A. locals.

The blond girl comments, "I'm still tryin' to get my foot in the door and I was born here.

This doesn't faze our hero and the blond girl turns out to be sympathetic since he's such a nice guy, especially when compared to the card-playing lowlifes. She invites him to join her during her appearance on the "Hell Kitten" television program.

"I'll be back for this later."

Our hero decides to bring his guitar and the letter from Spearfish. He also leaves his suitcase behind the diner counter with the Marge the waitress (!).

As the couple is leaving, we finally learn their names. The blond girl is named "Vicki Will" and our hero's name is "Bud Eagle". "Spelled just like the bird", he helpfully adds.

Hell Kitten.

The next scene opens with Vicki Will dancing on the Hell Kitten television program. It's pretty gratuitous. The dance goes on for almost an entire song, which is an upbeat beach music instrumental.

Backstage, another band is prepared to play, but the sax player isn't feeling well. The context of the scene suggests that he actually threw up into the bell of his own saxaphone!

Big shots are watching.

All the Big Shots of Los Angeles happen to be watching this show, and the host goes into a panic backstage. He has to fill the dead air with something entertaining!

Of course, Bud steps up. He walks right out on stage, forgetting his guitar due to nervousness. After retrieving his guitar from Vicki, he returns to the stage only to fall on his face after tripping over a power cord.

Everybody in the audience thinks this is hilarious. They carry on like it's the funniest thing they've ever seen in their lives. This kid is obviously from a small town.

Bud's performance.

Well, Bud isn't fazed at all. He's remarkably good-natured. The sick saxophone player's band is still standing around on stage and Bud walks right up to the show's host, who announces, "Well, I see you brought your own band. Let's fly"! And fly they do, performing sort of a half-assed rockabilly tune:

You're so sweet and you're so fine
You put an arrow right in my mind.

Bud's powerful stage presence wins the audience over completely. The crowd rushes the stage! The The Big Shot's phones are ringing off their cradles! The Big Shot announces, "There's our next hit"!

Back at the studio, Vicki is completely impressed. "Bud, you were wonderful! You've really got a sound"!

Washed-up Don Proctor.

The head big shot who was watching the show just happens to be Mr. Mike McCauley, "the biggest agent in Hollywood" and he wants to talk to Bud! It's also suggested that Mr. McCauley cooks the books. The viewer is treated to a scene in which an angry drunk named Don Proctor tries to get Mr. McCauley to show him the accounting books.

Apparently, Don proctor is a celebrity in his own right, because Bud is thrilled as hell when he sees him: "That's Don Proctor"! McCauley just gives Proctor the brush off though.

Bud's Hollywood pad.

McCauley insists that Bud call him "Mike" instead of "Mr. McCauley". He also informs Bud, "I don't want to handle anyone who thinks they know more about this business than me." Bud is agreeable to this arrangement, so McCauley agrees to manage his career. He even hooks Bud up with an apartment with a swimming pool that very night.

Bud: "I'll try to pay you back."

Mike: "Oh, you will!"

In addition to an apartment, Mike McCauley provides Bud with the services of a hardened thug named,"Steak." At first, I thought it was, "Snake," but it is, "Steak." Steak is a bad guy. He says Steak can get Bud anything he wants. Steak is commonly depicted next to a bottle of liquor in this movie.

"Steak."

Mike: "Now look, kid! Let's get something straight right now! When I said I do the thinking, that's what I meant!!"

Mike is controlling. When Bud announces his intentions to drop by the Coffee Cup Cafe so he can retrieve his suitcase and talk to Vicki, Mike McCauley suddenly goes apeshit.

McCauley really makes Bud feel stupid for wanting to retrieve his suitcase. He even decides he doesn't want to manage him any more. Bud ultimately apologizes and agrees to only do what McCauley tells him to. McCauley sends Steak to pick up Bud's suitcase and tells Steak to, "lose that guitar. It's probably got termites."

In this scene, we also learn that Bud's main reason for going into the music business is so he can make enough money to keep his brother Ted in college.

Waiting around for Bud.

Back at the Coffee Cup Cafe, Vicki and Marge are wondering where the hell Bud's at.

Steak darkens their doorway and gives Vicki a dollar bill to cover the sandwich she provided for Bud earlier.

Steak: "The kid doesn't want any loose ends."

After Steak leaves, Vicki & the waitress figure that Bud probably was an asshole after all.

Now that all the characters have been introduced, the story can really get rolling.

There's a short scene between Bud & Steak which takes place the next morning:

Steak: "I ordered you a steak".
Bud: [thrilled] "A steak for breakfast"?
Steak: "What else is there"?

Steak is trying to impress Bud with what a high roller he is, but that's the least of his deceptions. He also tells Bud that Vicki wasn't waiting for him at the Coffee Cup Cafe. Steak suggests Vicki was probably jealous that Mike McCauley signed Bud instead of her.

Mike McCauley goes over the published reviews of Bud's performance on the "Hell Kitten" show:

McCauley: "Four record companies are waving contracts."
Bud: "Four record companies"?
McCauley: "I put that in there. You can't believe anything you read."

McCauley presents Bud with a brand new electric guitar and this moment is one of the highlights of Bud's young life. McCauley also provides a band, some new suits, and a stack of songs. Bud has some of his own songs too and, despite the band's initial skepticism, they're better than anything McCauley could provide.

The viewer is treated to a series of close-up shots of everybody having the time of their lives.

"I'm getting taller every day."

Bud sings, "I'm getting to be a big boy now. I'm getting taller every day." Everybody loves this.

The camera close-ups start to swirl and they ultimately fade into a shot of a record swirling on the player. As the camera pans out, we see Steak is listening to it on a small record player.

He and Mike McCauley are up to no good. They're even sending fake letters from Bud's brother Ted and keeping the money that Bud is supposed to be sending home.

Good times.

While Mike McCauley is wheeling and dealing over the phone, Steak is standing by a light fixture. He keeps fooling around with the lamps, suggesting that he can't control his impulses as well as a regular civilized person can.

Steak screwing around with the lamp.

Over at the Coffee Cup Cafe, Bud's latest single is playing on the jukebox and the card-playing lowlifes are dancing around and generally enjoying themselves in their plaid jackets.

Vicki at the record store.

Vicki and Marge are still talking about Bud. Vicki comments, "Marge, he's the most"!

Vicki decides to go out and buy Bud's record. There's a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Bud next to his record display and Vicki is just crazy about it.

Back at the office, Mike McCauley has gathered the presidents of all Bud's local high school fan clubs. They're talking business and McCauley offers them a percentage if they can increase product sales. 

"I think he's cute."

McCauley is running kind of an informal focus group, asking their opinion about Bud and a girl replies, "I think he's cute."

McCauley: "Sure he is! He's got appeal"! Mccauley is benefitting immensely from this focus group.

McCauley asks what they could do to increase Bud's popularity nationwide.

"He's got appeal."

Girl in focus group: "What about tearing off his clothes"?

Guy in focus group: "That's for squares."

Girl in focus group: "I think it's effective."

They discuss what kind of fad they should start and agree on feathers since bud's last name is Eagle. McCauley is cheap though and says they don't have to use actual eagle feathers. They could use chicken feathers instead

Bud's big entrance.

Next, Bud makes his big entrance. He's wearing a brand new pair of white slacks.

McCauley is getting all worked up, "Payola! Buzzola! Just call it ola"!

Bud doesn't go for this business talk and he's also suspicious that the letters from his brother Ted don't sound like Ted at all.

Bud wants out. he starts packing his suitcase.

Ever the quick thinker, McCauley gets involved: Steak! Bring him a Coke!"

McCauley starts telling Bud all about how the music business works.

Show business success.

Bud: "You can't just force people to like me."

McCauley: "Life is just a big game of follow the leader."

Bud comments that they couldn't manipulate his brother Ted. Brother Ted is no sheep. He's a guy everybody looks up to.

McCauley objects that Bud cannot leave because he hasn't covered McCauley's expenses yet and estimates they will be even in six months. Bud agrees to stick it out.

"He's singing about me!"

Bud: "We're gonna hit this town like mad"!

The next scene suggests the passing of time and a big increase in revenue.

While watching Bud perform on a television program, Vicki Will realizes Bud's latest song is about her!

Bud & Vicki: Together again!

Since she lives in Hollywood, she just gets up and runs to the studio on foot. When she finds Bud, she gives him a huge kiss.

Steak is spying on them from behind a bunch of hanging beads and he's appalled at their reunion.

They compare notes and realize that Steak was lying about her not waiting for Bud to return to the cafe on the first night they met

Steak is appalled.

 Then they decide to go skating. It turns out, Vicki's father owns a skating rink.

Bud assures Vicki he's a very good skater, but this turns out he was exaggerating.

Bud can scarcely stay on his feet when wearing ice skates. He tells Vicki he thought she meant it was a roller skating rink, because he's a hell of a roller skater.

Vicki on ice.

Vicki takes this moment to show off a little bit. She is practically an olympic level ice skater. I couldn't really get a good photo, because she moves so fast and is so white. This scene seemed gratuitous.

After her ice skating show, Vicki winks at Bud. Bud staggers around, then they start making out.

Back at the office, McCauley and Steak are discussing Bud's upcoming national tour and his reunion with Vicki.

McCauley: "If he wants a girl, get one for him."

Steak: "How about Daisy?"

Daisy must be some piece of work for a guy like Steak to recommend her so highly. The viewer can hardly wait.

While Bud is practicing the guitar in his apartment with the lights off, washed-up Don Proctor wanders in, making a comment about McCauley being too cheap to buy light bulbs. He goes ahead and takes a seat at Bud's bar.

Don Proctor: Telling it like it is.

Proctor: [pours drink] "Join me?"
Bud: "No, thanks."
Proctor: "Not yet, huh? You will."

Proctor is an alright guy. He starts telling Bud all about Mccauley's shady ways and the shady nature of the music business itself. He hates being one of McCauley's "trained seals."

Bud knows all about Proctor's musical career, he even has some of his records at home. He asks Proctor a little bit about his personal life.

Proctor: "It's not a long story, but a very tiresome one.
Not long ago, the fashion was for dark wavy-haired singers like me. Now it's kids. you don't even have to hear the words."

Proctor tells bud about McCauley's "golden leash" in which McCauley gives his performers everything they need, but no cash, so they can't leave.

Proctor: "Every cent you bring in goes out in expenses."
Bud: "How do I know you aren't just saying that because..."
Proctor: "Because I'm a drunk? A has been?? You don't, kid."

Steak & Daisy.

Luckily, this awkward moment doesn't last long because Steak shows up with Daisy!

Steak: "Kid, this is Daisy. She's gonna teach you how to swing."

Daisy is extremely direct. She is practically giving Bud a lap dance and she can really shake it! She has jewels on her nylons!

Don Proctor R.I.P.

Off on the sidelines, Steak and Don Proctor are getting into an altercation. Steak actually pulls a handgun on Proctor, but doesn't have a chance to use if before Proctor dies from falling down the stairs. This arrangement suits Steak just fine.

Things quickly go from bad to worse as Vicki barges into the apartment and finds Bud on the couch with Daisy, who is practically blowing him.

"Vicki!"

Well, shit. The party's over and everyone scatters. Vicki leaves in tears. Bud is wandering around outside. Steak slaps Daisy in the face for letting Bud get away.

What else could go wrong? The three lowlifes with plaid jackets from the cafe are in the bushes outside Bud's house and they decide to kidnap Bud. They plan to hold him in exchange for a lousy $5,000. The thugs are pretty inept. One of them is holding a long range rifle against Bud's chest. They don't have cars either, so they're all walking through Los Angeles holding a rifle to a back of a famous rock star.

"Let's go all the way!"

Well, that plan is so crazy, it actually works. In the next scene, they're back in the low-life's clubhouse writing the ransom note. Bud sees this as a chance to screw McCauley, so he suggests he ought to be worth $15,000 at least.

Hollywood's shady music business is making strange bedfellows. Bud has practically joined the gang. The gang leader even asks Bud for his autograph. They request that $15,000 should be left in a paper sack in the garbage can behind the Coffee Cup Cafe. 

When a low-life suggests they split the money four ways, Bud says he doesn't want any of it.

The ransom pick-up goes down, but Steak follows the lowlifes back to their clubhouse. He's a beast! Steak single-handedly beats the shit out of all of them. He recovers the money and McCauley passes the whole thing off as a publicity stunt. We see him on the phone telling somebody what a clever guy he is.

A day or two later at the Coffee Cup Cafe, Vicki is talking to Marge the waitress like she seems to do every day of the week. Marge has hired a new worker, "a drifter", she says. Vicki advises her to be careful.

"Bud!"

As the worker walks out from the kitchen, we see it is Bud! He's making an honest living and wearing a chef's hat!

Vicki can't help bringing up the night when Daisy was practically blowing Bud on the couch.

Vicki: "You seemed to be enjoying it! Did you?"

Bud: "NO!!"

Marge is eavesdropping.

Vicki: "I'm glad."

All is forgiven. Marge is eavesdropping and seems to be glad the couple are getting on with their relationship. 

Back at the office, McCauley is wheeling and dealing like usual. Steak is hanging around looking surly.

Suddenly a guy walks in asking for $20.00. He's wearing a colonel sanders tie and he threatens to tell the papers that Bud's kidnapping wasn't a publicity stunt if McCauley doesn't give him $20.00. For another $20.00, he tells McCauley that Bud is working at the Coffee Cup Cafe.

McCauley and Steak approach Bud after work and a lively discussion erupts. McCauley practically admits to cooking the books. Bud says he will work for McCauley again only on the condition they start with a new set of open accounting books. He also wants no part of any payola scheme, otherwise Bud will hire a new manager.

McCauley slaps Bud in the face, demanding, "You sing for me or you sing for no one!"  McCauley threatens to spread shady rumors about Bud in his hometown if he hires a new manager. Then he makes some vague and creepy threats regarding Vicki.

About this time, somebody yells out, "Hey Bud, we're out of tape"! It is the guy with the Colonal Sanders tie, who we discover is Bud's brother Ted! McCauley realizes he's been set up and his threats have been tape recorded on the very tape recorder he bought for Bud earlier in the film. There's a quick free-for-all where Bud beats the crap out of Steak, then cooler heads prevail.

"Twist Fever."

Well, what's a guy to do? Surprisingly, Bud still wants to work with McCauley as long as he cleans up his act. McCauley's intelligence and connections are just irreplaceable. They shake on the new honest business arrangement. If McCauley goes crooked again, Bud will release the tape to the police.

The final scene of the film treats us to kind of a music video of Bud's latest single, Twist Fever - "She's got twist fever and I just can't leave her alone." 

Dancing with abandon.

Vicki is his personal dancer now and she is by his side throughout his performance.

The kids are loving it! Everybody's having a ball and in one scene, we see them tucking real eagle feathers into the seat of Bud's motorcycle.

Conclusion - This movie was half of a two-film DVD I picked up at Dollar Tree in Santa Ana. It was worth the 50 cents I paid for it.

[ Reviewed December, 2007. ]