Mayhem

Two disasters I witnessed this week:

1. An upside down Mercedes blocking 2 of the 55 Freeway's 6 lanes. It was just laying there upside down with its wheels in the air, dead. And 3 girls were smoking cigarettes next to it.

2. We were delivering some trench braces and the onsite backhoe apparently busted an underground water line, flooding the 10-foot deep trench in seconds. We were on the truck and all of a sudden heard a bunch of chatter, then 4 or 5 workmen came piling out of the trench they were digging and soon it was completely flooded and water was overflowing into the street. It was like when someone breaks a fire hydrant in a movie. A kid was coming uphill on a bike and when he turned the corner, a bunch of water was running down the hill at him and he looked really puzzled. Since it wasn't our fault, it was pretty funny, so we were laughing about it; then we loaded are truck really fast before all of our shit was underwater.

Those are pretty much the highlights of the work week. The weekend will be spent polishing off a records management final exam.

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, July 29, 2005]

James, the Former Carny

The spider man guy in the previous post was named James, and I really like working with him. In addition to being a former carny, James is also a barrel of laughs. I took notes yesterday and recorded three noteworthy weird things he said or did:

1.)  Upon walking into the break room and finding Ambush Makeovers on the television -

James: "Fuck this! I don't wanna see an ambush makeover!"
[changes station to Judge Joe Brown]
James: "I wanna see someone get hung!!"

2.)  RE: "Day-O" by Harry Belefonte -

James: "Come Mr. Tallyman, Tally me banana" - You know what that means, don't you?"
Me: "He wants the foreman to count his bananas."
James: "NOoo - well, ok, maybe...but what it really means is he wants a guy to measure his dick."
Me: "HAHAHA"
James: "Well, yeah, 'tally my banana'! That's what it means."

3.)  Spider Venom Contest –

James: "Did you know the Daddy Long Legs is the most venomous spider in the world?"
Me: "No."
James: "Yep, but its fangs are so small, they can't break your skin."
Me: "huh!"
James: "Look it up! Or watch the Discovery Channel!!"
Me: "ok."
 James: "And I've always wanted to put a Daddy Long Legs and a Black Widow in a jar together         and see which one would walk out alive."
Me: "YEAH! I want to see too!! Let's do it here at work!"
James: "OK, keep your eyes peeled for a Black Widow and a Daddy Long Legs. And a jar. And keep your gloves on".
Me: "HAHAHAHAHA...OK!"

Other things I remember about James:

1. In the world of day labor, doing something "Mexican-style" means doing it half-assed. I learned that from Jay.  Though the Mexican guys we work with are probably the most competent guys on staff.

2. One day at lunch, somebody asked James, "What would you do if you looked down right now and there was a rattlesnake?"

James said he's always wanted to catch a rattlesnake and if he did, he'd skin it and make a headband out of the skin (with the rattle hanging off the back).

3. I give James a ride back to the Rebel Leady office after work and yesterday's James monologue went something like this:

James: "Did you know the fly is the only animal that can be frozen and then brought back to life?"
Me: "Really?"
James: "Yep - on the Discovery channel they froze one, then thawed it out later and it came back to life".
Me: "Like Captain Ameria!"
James: "Exactly! Freeze me solid and thaw me out in the year 3000! Or better yet, freeze me and thaw me out once there's a cure for AIDS!!"
Me: "hahahaha"
James: "The only other animal that can be frozen and brought back to life is the lobster. You can  freeze a lobster solid, then throw it in boiling water and the fucker will scream every time! You killed him once, now you're killing him again!!...Imagine doing that to a human!"

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, July 16, 2005]

Fuck It, Let's Make It Look Like Spider Man!

Lately, at work, I've been tasked with equipping trench braces.  They are based around hydraulic cylinders. Sizes range from little ones (pictured) to five or six feet long:

Pallet full of freshly tested cylinders.

My favorite task is assembling the cylinder sets because that requires a vice, which means I am at the tool bench inside the shop and out of the sun, often with a radio nearby.

Here's the outside work area where we test freshly used braces, note damage with red spray paint, and drain the old hydraulic fluid:

Brace lab.

I wish I'd brought a camera on Monday - the whole area was covered in huge spider webs. During a lull in production, a co-worker of mine was examining the webs. We're like, "Dang, everything is covered with spider webs," and he suddenly exclaims, "Hey! Fuck it! Let’s make it look like Spider Man!" and started spray painting all the webs red. They were all around us and they looked really cool. Then we just went back to work and I was thinking, "What a fucking cool guy!"

But really though, what a cool fucking guy.

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, July 15, 2005]

Long Live This Ditch, 1983

Long Live This Ditch, S.G. & J.C. '83."

Found this message inscribed in a cement ditch. The message has survived 23 years so far, though it narrowly escaped destruction from a severe crack.

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, Feb. 4, 2006]

Paperclips

Since paperclips tend to damage documents over time, archivists remove them from their collections; otherwise they can leave rust stains and can sometimes result it tearing the papers they are securing.

Look at all the paperclips that were removed from one particular Senator's papers:

Probably a small trash bag's worth of paperclips removed from one collection.

 I think if the paperclips come from the collection of a famous enough person, archivists should sell them in a souvenir shop instead of throwing them away. It seems like a waste of a perfectly good keepsake.

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, July 3, 2005]