Driving Stick

1.) Text from an email sent to brother Todd on May 31, 2000, containing a detailed description of my first experience driving a manual transmission. I was working in a factory at that time and the foreman offered me a forklift job if I went through forklift training over the weekend:

I went to forklift training this weekend and all they had was a stick shift, which I had no idea how to drive. It was pretty bad and the instructor was pretty cranky. I about ran the forklift through his wall and I kept laughing whenever I screwed something up, which was making the guy get madder and madder. In all my preoccupation over how to use the clutch without killing the machine, I kept forgetting the basic forklift safety video he'd just showed us. Looking behind you before going in reverse is very important, of course, because you could run into somebody; but it was far from my mind while I was learning how to drive a stick for the first time (in front of an audience no less).

Whenever I'd back up without looking, he'd yell, "You just killed somebody!!" and then I'd laugh really hard because he was so high strung. I was trying to concentrate on not letting the machine die and safety stuff was secondary to me. I also didn't tell him I didn't know how to drive a stick in the first place, so he thought I was just a real fuck-up.

He kept saying, "OK, I should tear up your license right now, but if you can move that crate and put it up on that shelf without fucking anything up, I'll let you have your license".

I'd say, "Alright" then take a deep breath thinking about how to work the forks and keep from killing the machine. I'd get oriented and start backing up, then he'd go "YOU JUST KILLED SIX PEOPLE!!!"

Then I'd laugh really hard and say, "I didn't mean to!"

I finally told him I’d never driven a stick before and he said, "oh, well, you should learn."
One other guy left before his test because he'd never driven a stick before either. After watching me and the instructor for awhile, he just snuck out the door and disappeared.

Anyway, there's a happy ending. The instructor told me I'd not get my license and to come back next week for more training (I was thinking, "Damn. So much for getting that forklift job then"). He took me into his office where he was really cool (I guess he was just acting like a hardass in front of the group). His associate said this sort of thing happens all the time and not to worry about it. The instructor told his associate to put my license on the bulletin board until next week when I would return to earn it, then he went out for the next class.

When he left, the associate said, "Don't worry about it", signed the license and then looked at the bulletin board and said, "There's so much stuff up there. I don't think we'd be able to find your license. It might get lost...I wonder where I could put it so it wouldn't get lost...{wink wink}...Here, I'll give it to you to hold on to and then you bring it back with you next week...{wink wink}...
I thanked him then left immediately...What a cool guy!

When I returned to the factory on Monday, I was SO NERVOUS about driving the forklift on the job. Then I found out it was a automatic, so I'm fine...whew!

2.) This small amount of stick experience came in handy about a year and a half later. I was working in a gas station and taking a bus to work because my car had broken down. The gas station’s owner used to buy old vehicles to fix-up and re-sell. One day he appeared out of the blue to drive me to work in an old pick-up truck he was trying to re-sell. On the way to work, he told me to keep the pick-up for getting to and from work until he found a buyer for it. He was just a cool guy like that. He didn’t pay much in wages, but he took pretty good care of you if you were halfway competent.

Almost immediately after I thanked him, I realized the truck was a stick shift and I'd never driven a stick in my life, aside from my forklift training fiasco. I was afraid that if I mentioned anything about that, he wouldn't let me borrow the truck, so I kept my mouth shut.

As we pulled into the station, it was very busy with lots of people going about their business pumping gas and coming and going from the store. It would be quite embarrassing trying to re-learn stick in front of that audience, so I (cleverly, in my opinion) requested he park behind the station (away from public view) so I could check the fluids and whatnot. And right there, behind that station, is where I taught myself to drive stick. It sputtered and jerked and died for awhile, then once I could get it to accelerate without killing it, I pulled it off the lot and took it down a side street (away from anybody who might know me) and gave myself a crash course. I was totally drenched in nervous sweat. If they would have seen me doing that in front of the station, they surely would have taken the vehicle away from me.