Instant Messenger

I am now instant messenger equipped.
The computer named me, "jonnie701."
I shall soon start instant messaging other bloggers so we can talk shit & have encounters in a non-public environment.

This is sort of a milestone, I suppose.
I would like a cake now. Or pie.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 22, 2004]

Coyotes In These Here Hills

Despite development and urbanization efforts, coyotes still roam around Orange County at night. One of them grabbed a dog right in its own yard.

I'll try to get a picture of one by the lemon tree.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 16, 2004]

OC, First Impressions

I drove around the City of Orange for a few hours, assessing my new city. My initial impression would be that this is a nice and shiny community with lots of commercial establishments. It should be very much like living inside a mall.

I'm in a hillside house, away from the hustle and bustle, but close enough for everything to be convenient.

I didn't notice very many of the local, independent establishments that dominate East L.A. There were lots of national chains, so it's a lot more antiseptic and commercial, but very comfortable. I will miss the taco trucks of L.A. though.

There are two Del Tacos about a block or two down each street of my nearest intersection, so that's something. I can hear the Disney fireworks at night, and the freeway traffic if I open my window.

I have a personal restroom next to my bedroom with two (!) sinks.  I think I'll set up my coffee maker next to one of them to prevent counter drippage and I'll use the other for hygiene purposes.

I just spent $100 on bathroom, cleaning, & office supplies that will probably last me for years.

I also replenished some essentials - new towels, bottle opener/corkscrew, comfortable bathroom rug, toilet plunger w/ an ergonomic handle, & some of that shit that makes your toilet water blue.

I am ready to roll.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Jan. 23 - 28, 2004]

Leaving Los Angeles

My new rental in Orange County is good to go. I'll be driving carloads of stuff over there next Wednesday. MLIS classes start back up in a couple of weeks.

Leaving East Los Angeles behind, I will really only miss the amazing late night taco trucks and food stands. Best tacos ever, no contest.

I guess I will also miss the commercial murals that are painted on many of the local independent stores to advertise products.

Like this one:

Cat in a stew, pig serving sandwiches.

 And their blatant disregard for copyright law:

Tweety bird with a giant glass of juice.

Winnie the Pooh with a beverage next to a cornucopia of fruit.

Tube of Colgate over the store entrance door..

One guy used to have Wolverine painted on his liquor store, but it has since been painted over.

A weird, fairly common, motif is to show happy animals being cooked, like there will be a painting of a cow or pig being cooked in a pot over a fire with a big smile on their face.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Jan. 15, 2004]

Jesus, the Real Superman

When Brother Todd visited from Texas recently, he was telling me about one of his neighbor’s tattoos, and I completely misunderstood what he meant. I forget what the real tattoo was — something to do with Jesus — but I mistakenly thought he was describing a tattoo of Jesus Christ hanging on the cross, with blood running down his face and pooling on His chest to form the Superman “S” logo. And honestly, I thought that sounded like a badass tattoo.

Update: About ten years later, Sandra illustrated this pretty much like I imagined it:

Sandra's Illustration, Dec. 2, 2013.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 22, 2003]

Xmas Party

I have to go to the company Christmas party today goddammit. I had no intention of attending, but my boss is shrewd and will be giving out paychecks at the Christmas party. If you skip the Xmas party, the office is closed the rest of the week & you're assed-out on your check. I'm still not so sure I'll go though. Maybe I'll flip a coin.

**UPDATE**

OK, I'm going to the company Christmas party. Ready to walk out the door right now. I'm bringing my gift, it's a hand flipping the bird. Can't wait to see who gets randomly chosen to receive my gift:

Merry Christmas, fucker.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 22, 2003]

Avatar Vault: I'm Nacho Steppinstone

The avatar I used for my first blog, I'm Nacho Steppinstone, launched Dec. 2003.

Drawn-on sharpie sideburns were very fashionable in those days.

 

Ceiling Tile Art

In Los Angeles, we were invited to paint on the ceiling tiles of a band practice room.

Here are my contributions:

New Sweater.

Introducing Red.

Welcome.

Bok Bok.

Grass.

Bonus:  Here is a photo of a knife stuck in the ceiling of that same band practice room:

Knife in the band room ceiling.

Shonen Knife

Shonen Knife @ the Knitting Factory, Los Angeles, CA: 2003.

Shonen Knife.

What's Good About Hollywood?

Superheroes in the streets!

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 24, 2003]

Jon Sr.'s Piranha Log

In the early 2000s, my father, Jon Sr., was living in Alaska and decided to keep a tank of piranhas. He named them all “Killer” and regularly posted updates about them on our family website, Gilliomville. What follows is a kind of Piranha Chronicles—a compilation of all the piranha-related posts from Gilliomville’s message board:

I now have 5 piranhas in my 75 gallon aquarium. They are about one and a half inches long and, for the next month, will eat flake food. I did put a little guppy in with them and they chased him around, nipping at him. I haven't seen the guppy for a couple days. I guess maybe he was ganged-up on during the night.

Do piranhas snap into Slim Jims?

Ross, My alpha piranha eats even when he is not hungry. He just eats because he wants to remain the lead dog where the scenery always changes. I predict that within six months, he will be able to jerk a slim jim from one’s hand.

Fish tank report!! Piranhas all 5 are doing fine. I put three catfish in with them last week-end. The fish store person said the catfish were a fast growing type. She said that since the piranhas were small, that maybe the catfish could get some growth and possibly be tank mates. Situation looking pretty grave--one catfish appears alive and doing well, one catfish dead and one catfish missing.

Tank update!!! Two catfish dead and third still missing, which at this time is presumed to be dead. Killer is primary suspect, as the stalker. He did not come out to eat this A.M. He later made an appearance and seemed fine and probably full from his dark hours of evil doing. I will go to the fish store this week-end for ideas on possibilities for bottom cleaning. The catfish ended up adding to the waste problem. Maybe a turtle or snail is a possibility. Maybe a huge catfish. More updates as events evolve.

Tank update!! The remainder of the third and missing catfish has been recovered. It is fortunate, that he was the third and missing because the remains otherwise would not have been identifiable. I must get to the fish store!!

I think you should set up a Web cam on that tank. The pictures could be used as evidence against Killer.

Piranha tank update!! I talked with Josh, the manager of House of Critters, and explained my dilemma of no bottom feeder. I asked him about turtles and snails. He said that they would probably mess with anything they knew was alive. He said a snail might work if the piranhas thought it was a rock, but if they figured out it was not, they would probably mess with it. He said a sail is uni-sex and could stand a chance of overpopulating my tank. He suggested an electric catfish about three inches long for $29.95. He said the piranhas would mess with it only once. Josh said, the electric catfish stalks a small feeder goldfish within about two inches and then stops and lets out an electrical charge. The feeder fish is said to start floating to the top after receiving the charge and then is devoured by the catfish. It sounds like some high drama stuff for $29.95.

Electric catfish! Yeah, get one. For thirty bucks, I hope Josh knows what he's talking about. Will the piranha be safe from the catfish? It's turning into some kind of House of Eerie, all these villainous fish, like monsters.

Yesterday I found two feeder goldfish on my carpet. The fish were like two and three feet from the piranha tank. I think they did hari cari to get away from Killer.

My piranhas are growing so fast. I am afraid to put my hand in the tank. I think I am going to do like George Foreman, when he named his boys. He named them all George. They were George 1, George 2, George 3, etc. I am going to name my piranhas, Killer 1, Killer 2, Killer 3, Killer 4, and the last one I named Runt.

Man, I can't believe these killer fish!! When I feed them floating food, they splash water all over the top of the aquarium and sometimes on the floor.

When this box of food is gone I think I am not going to buy any more floating food. The one feeder fish of twenty five is still alive. He swims right around with the killers and Runt. I think they have adopted him. Maybe I'll let them get real hungry and see if they still like him.

Foot Treatments (Reflexology)

As discussed on the Gilliomville message board:

Grandma Hazel always wanted to give foot massages, and they were ruff, she used to dig into my foot and crunch the arches, it felt like glass was breaking in my foot, grandma would say it was the crystals breaking, I would ask why there are crystals in my feet, and she responded it was from drinking too much pop.

She would always work out the "crystals.” She'd say it was unhealthy to let those "crystals" build up in your feet. There always was something kind of popping when she rubbed the foot though, I guess it was just muscle tension or something, but I believed her and imagined crystals were developing in my feet. I believed that as gospel for years until I realized I'd never heard anybody else talk about crystals in their feet. I don't know when I stopped believing in foot crystals, but I never actively disbelieved it. I just learned it was a weird topic that was best left undiscussed with my fellow school children.

After Hazel gave foot treatments, she would have the grandkids do her feet too haha - she knew we hated to do that, so she'd let us divide the work - one kid per foot. Then Todd and I would each only have to do one foot. It was pretty horrible though. She had gnarly toe nails.

Hazel called those foot massages, "foot treatments.” She practically considered it a medical procedure. She learned this from Saul the Amishman who sold vitamins, gave foot treatments, and was widely hailed as a miracle worker in the area. He would not charge anything for a consultation, though you would have to pay for any vitamins he prescribed. 

Some days, Saul would work by appointment, but one day of the week was "first come, first serve.” Saul's Amish farm would be full of cars, sometimes people would come from outside the state to be diagnosed and treated by Saul. Grandma credited him with all kinds of miracles. My Dad had a recurring condition that kept returning despite the advice of a number of conventional doctors, but after he had Saul look at it, it was cured for good.

One year, Saul sold more vitamins from a particular company than anybody else in the country, so the vitamin company told him he won a free car. Since he was Amish though, he could not accept it; so they bought him a new buggy instead. Hazel said she saw the buggy and, "it was a really nice one.”

I remember Saul had a day of first come first serve. Mom said there was a guy that was there at 4:00 am and just slept in Saul's yard till he opened at 7:00 am. Jonnie, I remember the new buggy! That Saul sure could sell the vitamins!!

Saul (and Hazel) believed in the pseudoscience called Reflexology, though they never called it by that name. Reflexologists (and Hazel, and me as a child) believed that particular areas of the foot corresponded to other organs of the body and when that organ is experiencing problems, there is corresponding tension in that area of the foot. By massaging the tension out of a particular area of the foot, a person can make the corresponding organ healthier as well.

When Hazel was rubbing my feet and something would hurt, she'd say, "That's your kidneys"! I totally believed it as a kid, Hazel seemed to be so sure that's how it was and Saul was such an esteemed figure, it never crossed my mind they didn't know what they were talking about.

Reflexologists refer to diagrams or maps of the human foot with all the corresponding body parts written on it, so if somebody has tension in a certain part of the foot, you can find out which corresponding body is unhealthy. Some years ago, I was showing somebody one of these diagrams and it had everything - kidneys, liver, sinuses, head etc. marked. The only thing missing was the feet. We were laughing about that. Apparently, reflexologists don't account for troubled feet. If your foot hurts, it is always symptomatic of a different body part.

What a weird thing! And it seemed so normal to us to go to Grandma's and get foot treatments.

Grandma took me to see Saul once - He looked in my eyes with a magnifying glass and he could tell what vitamins or herbs your body needed. He would place a container of a particular herb or vitamin in your hand then ask you to stick the other arm straight out, then he would grab it like a lever, say "Resist me", and try to push it down. Then he would have you hold a different vitamin or herb and do the same thing. If a vitamin wouldn't help you resist him, he would not prescribe it, but if it gave you the strength to keep your arm up while he pushed against it, then that meant your body needed that one.

He told me I needed potassium and then Grandma added, "You should eat bananas every chance you get.” I think I left with about four different herbs he said I needed.

Art Contest

We just had an art contest.

Miski's entry:

"Girl Standing In Chinese Smoke with Shrink Wrap Stockings."

My entry:

"Something for Nothing."

 It's a 10 cent lettuce sandwich on a day-old bun.

Who won?

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Jan. 7, 2004]

Chinatown Sticker Machine

This is a sticker sheet depicting me and Kelley trying to figure out this Japanese sticker machine in Chinatown. We accidentally snapped the photo while sifting through border options.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 19, 2003]

Vegas Pill Dispenser

Souvenir from Vegas, for all my pills.

Pill organizer.

Cheap Thrills: Fire & The Dictionary

In Los Angeles, whenever we were looking for something to do, we often turned to the dictionary. A random word could spark all sorts of fun associations.

One time, we used it to see what we’d write on our tombstones: Sarah's would say, "Faithless," mine would read, "Snake," and Miski's would be "Uncontainable."

Another fun pastime was playing with fire. One night, while cleaning the house, we got frustrated with all our clutter and decided to start a big bonfire in the backyard to burn anything we didn’t need. It turned out we had a lot more to toss on than we thought! After an hour of tossing in old dish towels, ugly clothes, random objects of questionable origin, and even a traffic cone (which took ages to melt), we started to wonder if we really needed any of it at all. We were all pretty drunk, which only added to the hilarity of the situation—after all, we could have easily ended up burning everything we owned!

Sarah Vaquero burning a shirt in the backyard.

When someone brought the dictionary over to the fire, it shifted our carefree vibe. None of us had the heart to toss the dictionary into the flames, so we decided to incorporate it into our game instead.

The rules were simple: one person would stand by the fire, ready to choose something to burn, while two others acted as judges on the sidelines. The person by the fire had to justify their choice for burning that item. But if they paused for more than five seconds or lost their train of thought, the judges would randomly pick a word from the dictionary and shout it at the speaker. The challenge? They had to weave that word into their justification in a coherent and meaningful way.

It was a fun game and it inspired some great arguments for burning shit.

This is what we all looked like in those days.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 11, 2003]

Paper Uderwear

I don't endorse many products, but cheap, disposable, paper underwear from L.A.'s chinatown is an exception.

$1.75 for a 5-pack and that will get you through a work week.

It also looks hilarious when you wear it because it's see-through.
It's also surprisingly just as comfortable, if not more so, than cloth underwear.

I've test-worn them a few times, but consider them mainly a novelty item.
I still have some if anybody wants any.

Caesar & Sarah receiving the gift of paper underwear for Christmas.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Mar. 27, 2004]

Gooey Looey

Still Life: Frog leg bone with a piece of gooey looey.
Courtesy of Ross Frank.

Gooey Looey is what we called the sealant on one of Herb's grain silos. 
We'd pick it off and play with it. Sometimes we'd chew on it for a spell.

Something You Don't See Everyday

Somebody set up this shrine in our local dog park:

The sign reads, "In Memory of All Dogs Killed at Hiroshima and Nagasaki."

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 14, 2003]

Jonnie Portrait

Jonnie portrait by Amanda, Austin, Texas, 2002.

A.I. animated version: