Back in Town

I just returned from a trip home to Indiana for the sad occasion of attending my uncle's funeral.
Aside from the purpose of the trip, it was great to see the family and farmland again.

A lot of us had an early reunion at Chicago O'Hare Airport as all of our connecting flights were delayed or cancelled. I met my father and cousins Adam and Abby there and we all cancelled our connecting flights and took a bus to Indiana.  It was a riotous journey.

At the end of the trip, as we were all entering the airport to fly to our respective home states, Abby sent a fake can of peanuts with a springing snake it it through baggage check.  We were hoping the TSA guy would open it and get pranked. He laughed and refused to open it though. He said he saw the snake in the scanner.

Once back in Orange County, it took me two hours to get home from the John Wayne airport by bus, but it was totally worth it. The driver for the first segment of my ride should have been on American Idol! He sang really well. There were only three passengers on the bus, it was evening, and the driver was singing beautifully. A bunch of old Temptations songs, and I don't know what all. A bag lady who was riding would occasionally join in and they'd perform a duet. It probably was my most delightful bus ride ever.

Based on the three bus drivers I rode with to get home, I'd say that evening bus drivers are far more pleasant than daytime bus drivers (in Orange County, at least). It is probably the lack of traffic congestion.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, June 5, 2004]

Frank Farm

Revisiting the Frank Farm, wishing it was for a happier occasion.

 

Hay Elevator

When we were little kids running around at our cousins' farm, we used to love running up the hay elevator and riding it back down - CRASH! - then running back up the other side again, and crashing down again. It was like a huge see-saw with impact.  When you ran to the top, your weight would make it fall (fast!) to the ground. When we were really little, sometimes the impact would launch us up in the air.

I made a chart to illustrate the dynamic:

 Lots of fun, and I got to do it again last week, joined by Cousin Abby Jo:

It's a lot less dramatic now that we've grown up so much.  We used to be able to fit on the very end. It's still fun though.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, June 5, 2004]

On the Frank Farm: Secret Features

One of the old, unused sheds on the Frank Farm is the home of a peculiar masterpiece, a tree that has slowly been growing through a chair over the years, as if time itself has been politely waiting for nature to finish its work.

Secret Feature @ the Frank Farm.

Quack!

Went out back to smoke and discovered a mother duck and her babies have moved into Brandee and Matt's swimming pool:

Ducks in the pool.

Once in the pool, though, it looked like the babies were too small to get out:

Too little.

So, we rigged up a ramp for them:

Duckling ramp.

And everybody made it out okay:

Resolution.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, May 23, 2004]

Don't Go To Bed...

So, this morning, a guy I'm making a website for tells me about a bail bondsman he knows named Moses.  When I asked who Moses was, he told me Moses was an ex-biker, turned bail bondsman/bounty hunter with a steel CAGE built into the trunk of his car. For people. He is apparently a hard core mother fucker.

But the best thing of all about Moses his his promotional t-shirt:

Moses' promotional t-shirt.

Nothing subtle about it.

And if that isn't enough to cram onto one shirt, the front displays a huge caption:

"Don't go to bed with a price on your head."

The sleeves are emblazoned with sharks:

Sleeve detail.

I just can't believe the awesomeness of this t-shirt. The back panel incorporates Moses posed as the Biblical Moses, parting a shark infested ocean so a car can drive through. The caption reads, "When you're in deep water, call Moses."

Back panel images, wide view.

8 Commandments detail.

"Thou shall not croak."

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, May 18, 2004]

The Presidential Prayer Team

Well, this is stupid. It's a sticker from an organization called the Presidential Prayer Team.  I'm now getting spammed with right wing prayer requests, but receiving this free sticker of George W. Bush praying with the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln and George Washington makes it totally worth it. 

The Presidential Prayer Team.

What a dumb thing.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, May 16, 2004]

Anti-Rape Technology

Hey, I've had this book for a few years -

[American Sex Machines: The Hidden History of Sex at the U.S. Patent Office by Hoag Levins. 1996. Adams Media Corp. Holbrook Mass.] - It's a collection of patents for sex gadgetry.

My favorite section is Chapter 13 - "Anti-Rape Technology" which includes a pretty remarkable selection of protective vaginal inserts that are all much more horrifying than extra-vaginal chastity belt/armor patents -

Here's George Vogel's basic vaginally-inserted spike (1977).

George Vogel's anti-rape vaginal spike (1977).

This one makes me cringe. Well, the all do, but so does this one:

Alston Levesque's "penis locking and lacerating vaginal insert." Those things on the side are RAZORS! (1977):

Alston Levesque's penis locking and lacerating vaginal insert (1977).

This one's interesting - Charles Barlow's vaginal harpoon tube (in 1 & 3 prong models - 1979):

Charles Barlow's vaginal harpoon tubes (1979).

And for the girl with everything - Dirk Coetzee's "spring powered vaginal spike" (1979) which actually LAUNCHES a spike INTO the invading penis:

Dirk Coetzee's spring-powered vaginal spike (1979).

I'd be careful removing that one.

There are more, but these are the highlights.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Apr. 21, 2004]

How It's Done, Done, Done

Cousin Ross taught me this at Long John Silvers in Fort Wayne, IN during the late 1970s and I've never forgotten it. Fork Fangs are an example Hoosier ingenuity at its best.

It's an easy way to entertain yourself and others in a public dining area for no extra cost while your parents are talking for hours. 

Directions:
1. Start with a standard disposable plastic fork.
2. Break off the handle and center prongs.
3. Flip it upside down.
4. Place it in your mouth, and....ta-daaaa - Vampire fangs.
5. Fun time!

Recreating the Fork Fangs experience as an adult..

First Webcam Photo

My first webcam photo. Yep.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Mar. 22, 2004]

Jonnie On Enrichment

Today is the two month anniversary of The Real World ... Blogger Style.
Your assignment is to write a post telling how being a member of the house has enriched your life.   -  Boz 3/19/2004 

Joining the blog-house has been much like accidentally falling into a swimming pool fully clothed at a public event. Initially embarrassing, and your money’s no good. But also, kind of invigorating and often refreshing, depending on the weather.

The RWBS has enriched my life far more than a job ever could.

[ Originally posted on The Real World…Blogger Style! – March 19, 2004 ]

Real World Bathrooms

When I was part of The Real World...Blogger Style!, we all posted photos of our bathrooms one day.

Here was mine. This is when I was renting a room with a bathroom next door in Orange as I finished my MLIS.

Note the ergonomic toilet plunger handle.

2 sinks and a coffee pot.

[Originally posted on The Real World...Blogger Style!, Mar. 10, 2004]

#1 Jonnie

Alright! Google says I'm the #1 "Jonnie" in the world!

#1 Jonnie.

I'm glad my name ignores the common "h" - cuts down on the competition.
I even beat out Jonnie Cochran (mis-spelled).

The Internet should let me have, "Jonnie1" as my instant messenger name.
Give "Jonnie701" to Google's 701st most popular Jonnie.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 25 2004]

Instant Messenger

I am now instant messenger equipped.
The computer named me, "jonnie701."
I shall soon start instant messaging other bloggers so we can talk shit & have encounters in a non-public environment.

This is sort of a milestone, I suppose.
I would like a cake now. Or pie.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 22, 2004]

Coyotes In These Here Hills

Despite development and urbanization efforts, coyotes still roam around Orange County at night. One of them grabbed a dog right in its own yard.

I'll try to get a picture of one by the lemon tree.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 16, 2004]

OC, First Impressions

I drove around the City of Orange for a few hours, assessing my new city. My initial impression would be that this is a nice and shiny community with lots of commercial establishments. It should be very much like living inside a mall.

I'm in a hillside house, away from the hustle and bustle, but close enough for everything to be convenient.

I didn't notice very many of the local, independent establishments that dominate East L.A. There were lots of national chains, so it's a lot more antiseptic and commercial, but very comfortable. I will miss the taco trucks of L.A. though.

There are two Del Tacos about a block or two down each street of my nearest intersection, so that's something. I can hear the Disney fireworks at night, and the freeway traffic if I open my window.

I have a personal restroom next to my bedroom with two (!) sinks.  I think I'll set up my coffee maker next to one of them to prevent counter drippage and I'll use the other for hygiene purposes.

I just spent $100 on bathroom, cleaning, & office supplies that will probably last me for years.

I also replenished some essentials - new towels, bottle opener/corkscrew, comfortable bathroom rug, toilet plunger w/ an ergonomic handle, & some of that shit that makes your toilet water blue.

I am ready to roll.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Jan. 23 - 28, 2004]

Leaving Los Angeles

My new rental in Orange County is good to go. I'll be driving carloads of stuff over there next Wednesday. MLIS classes start back up in a couple of weeks.

Leaving East Los Angeles behind, I will really only miss the amazing late night taco trucks and food stands. Best tacos ever, no contest.

I guess I will also miss the commercial murals that are painted on many of the local independent stores to advertise products.

Like this one:

Cat in a stew, pig serving sandwiches.

 And their blatant disregard for copyright law:

Tweety bird with a giant glass of juice.

Winnie the Pooh with a beverage next to a cornucopia of fruit.

Tube of Colgate over the store entrance door..

One guy used to have Wolverine painted on his liquor store, but it has since been painted over.

A weird, fairly common, motif is to show happy animals being cooked, like there will be a painting of a cow or pig being cooked in a pot over a fire with a big smile on their face.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Jan. 15, 2004]

Jesus, the Real Superman

When Brother Todd visited from Texas recently, he was telling me about one of his neighbor’s tattoos, and I completely misunderstood what he meant. I forget what the real tattoo was — something to do with Jesus — but I mistakenly thought he was describing a tattoo of Jesus Christ hanging on the cross, with blood running down his face and pooling on His chest to form the Superman “S” logo. And honestly, I thought that sounded like a badass tattoo.

Update: About ten years later, Sandra illustrated this pretty much like I imagined it:

Sandra's Illustration, Dec. 2, 2013.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 22, 2003]

Xmas Party

I have to go to the company Christmas party today goddammit. I had no intention of attending, but my boss is shrewd and will be giving out paychecks at the Christmas party. If you skip the Xmas party, the office is closed the rest of the week & you're assed-out on your check. I'm still not so sure I'll go though. Maybe I'll flip a coin.

**UPDATE**

OK, I'm going to the company Christmas party. Ready to walk out the door right now. I'm bringing my gift, it's a hand flipping the bird. Can't wait to see who gets randomly chosen to receive my gift:

Merry Christmas, fucker.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 22, 2003]

Avatar Vault: I'm Nacho Steppinstone

The avatar I used for my first blog, I'm Nacho Steppinstone, launched Dec. 2003.

Drawn-on sharpie sideburns were very fashionable in those days.