Christmas Eve, 2004

Merry Christmas, blog.

Ho Ho Ho

I give you the gift of information 

(courtesy of Levins, Hoag. American Sex Machines: The Hidden History of Sex at the U.S. Patent Office. 1996. Adams Media Corp. Holbrook Mass) 

How to connect your wiener to a tape recorder:

How to attach your wiener to a tape recorder.

From the original blog comments:

*Hahahaha, what would be the point?

*To give it an interview, of course!

*I don't want to ruin the illusion, but I believe this diagram was from when computer data was stored on tape rather than disk...but the notion of attaching a wiener to a tape deck is much more intriguing than attaching a wiener to a computer, so I just ignored the original context.

*Why would anyone attach their wiener to a computer? Is it like those monster movies where the disembodied brain rules its minions via computer? Only in this case it is the wiener that gives commands from its plasma tank.

*There must be a million good reasons for attaching your wiener to a computer. Maybe take it's temperature.

*A key here, being that I'm a technical person, is how much bandwidth you could transmit by using indirect contact. Your wiener knows more than he's letting on you know.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 24, 2004]

RW...BS!

Here's what I look like holding a melon next to a toy shopping cart:

Me w/ giant melon.

[Originally posted on The Real World...Blogger Style!, Nov. 14, 2004]

Zonkboard Comics

For awhile, at The Real World...Blogger Style!, we'd make these online comics using text from our real zonkboard conversations:

Example Zonkboard comic.

Happy September, You Bastard

My contribution to the arts:

Happy September, you bastard.

[Originally posted on The Real World...Blogger Style!, Sep. 3, 2004]

Hulk Hands Birthday Party

Orange, CA; Aug., 2004.

Recently, I gave my Hulk hands a holiday vacation by the swimming pool to pay them back for all the good times they had given me. 

Smart(ish) / Dumb(ish)

Probably the most intelligent-looking photo I have of myself:

Smart Jon, Alaska, 1998.

Maybe the dumbest photo I have of myself:

Dumb Jon, California, 2004.

Plastic Centaur Toy

This plastic centaur toy was a bargain at Dollar Tree.

He married a Pretty Pony in 2005.

Plastic Centaur. 

Yet More Day Labor

I finished a week long day labor stint cleaning up supporting Disney's Space Mountain renovation. It was pretty interesting. I liked the two guys I worked with, Felix & Eli. It was fun climbing around on the scaffolding and looking down at the roller coaster track.

Labor Ready office, early in the a.m.

The girl dressed up like the Little Mermaid kept sort of flirting with my co-day laborer, Felix.  He was going to ask her out the last day, but it turned out to be her day off.

Felix, Eli, and I were hard core.  We stayed busy as hell and asked the foremen what else they needed help with whenever we ran out of things to do. On our last day, Disney brought in a couple more guys and they sucked.  One was half drunk and left after four hours, the other one stood around with a broom moving a pile of dust back and forth around a room. 

In my day-labor gear, last day working at Space Mountain.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, July 17, 2004]

Happy 4th!

The people I'm renting a room from were out for the day and told me I was free to use the pool, so I had a day of relaxation and hydration.

Jumping off the board reminded me of a thing we would do as kids called a "Jumping Jackoff" where you would go off the board while doing a jumping jack. It wasn't as fun as I remembered it being.

Happy 4th of July.

Here's a photo from last year's 4th of July fireworks spectacular:

Happy 4th of July.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, July 4, 2004]

More Day Labor

Sunburn update:

Heavy contrast.

Despite the ravages of sunburn, I decided to return to Labor Ready this morning. I need the cash, as little as I get for the hell I go through.

On the rock-moving work site, the guy directing the trucks brings a huge thing of sunscreen with him every day, so I figured I'd ask him for some and then waive his gas fee. So I showed up and the dispatcher sent me to the railway yard instead, so that foiled my sunscreen plan. 

So I went to the railroad yard with my excruciating sunburn and it got HOT again today. We were unloading a train car full of concrete railroad ties.

Digression - the railway industry is beginning to replace the classic wooden railroad ties with concrete ties - which seemed weird to me because you'd think they'd be more apt to crack - but apparently not - also they don't rot and they are reportedly quieter, so there's some info you might be able to use if railroad ties ever come up in discussion. They also weigh 650 lbs each! So of course we weren't lifting them by hand...one guy was in the train car attaching crane hooks and two of use were straightening stacks of ties (using steal bars as levers) after they were unloaded by the crane.

The work was much better than loading rocks, but the extreme sun on my extreme sunburn was grueling...I was more miserable than ever. I also realized I needed inserts for my boots as my feet stung every time I stood, so I have to confess, I was not as hardcore today as I had been earlier this week. It was all I could do to stay on my feet. I could barely answer a direct question.

Two hardcore, but also stupid things I did today -

1. Accidentally hit myself in the head with a steel bar.
2. Walked through a thorn bush to adjust a bundle because that route was the quickest.

I did buy sun-relief products after work today. I don't want to become a leather face.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, July 2, 2004]

I'm a Lobster

I returned for day two of Labor Ready and the foremen looked very surprised.

"Huh! Back for more?", one said. I don't think it's normal for somebody to return to that site. It is pretty brutal. They said a couple of guys left after an hour & a half last week. They were also not nearly such assholes today since they know I am hardcore.

I knew I should've stopped for sunscreen this morning. I am now bright red like a lobster and I think my ears have been totally cooked. They feel like pork rinds.

Sunburn not looking nearly as bad in photo.

Nothing real exciting to tell about the day, it was just more loading rocks in the sun for 9 hours. My co-workers weren't particularly interesting today either. We drove 2 separate cars and by 1pm we were all miserably delirious. They left at 8 hours and the foreman asked me if I was leaving too or if I wanted another hour. I gave him a huge-ass smile and asked, "Only one more?" (and I have no idea where that came from, because I felt like I was gonna die right there in the dirt). But he hooked me up for that last hour! I barely did ANYTHING, so sometimes it's good to not know when to quit.

I want to go back again tomorrow! I will let my sunburn determine whether I do or not. But really, tomorrow's Friday...so I might as well. I mean, am I freaking hardcore or not?

If I do though, I will do it with sunscreen.

PS - Even though I buy a huge jug of water in the morning before going to the job site, I NEVER have to pee for the entire 9 hours I'm out there, I guess because I sweat it all out. I SO miss peeing!

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, July 1, 2004]

Revisiting Labor Ready

I only register for day labor when I absolutely have to, like when I arrive in a new town and need a little cash while I'm job hunting. It's a reliable means of getting some extra cash (though not much) while you're waiting for something better to come along.

Right now, one website has wrapped up and I've been waiting to start two others, but haven't heard anything; so I decided, instead of hanging around the house all day, I should behave like the man of action I am and revisit old reliable Labor Ready.

I went down and applied yesterday, the lady said, "You filled out your application really good, like she was talking to a kid. I showed up early this morning and was hired for an earth moving company which I thought was badass; although in practice, we were actually picking up huge-ass rocks all day which sucked and was hard on the back. But then, I do need exercise.

Today's Labor Ready Report -
I often enjoy the people I meet working day labor. Today, I transported 3 other laborers to the job site (got an extra $2 from each for gas!). Co-worker #1 was kind of nuts, kept talking about how he's gonna make a pipe bomb for 4th of July.

Co-worker #2 was a good enough guy, though his wife is taking a good chunk of his earnings for child support, which would be a shitty situation for him. He just got out of prison, where he did time time for beating a guy up with an aluminum baseball bat because, "I told him to get out of my house, but he didn't go". He was a pretty good guy at heart. I didn't charge him gas money since he was busting his ass as hard as I was, for a lot less pay.

But the day sucked because they gave no breaks (not even lunch) and it was heavy duty work right there in the sun, I thought I was gonna pass out, but didn't. When the foreman told us he isn't giving breaks, you should've heard Co-worker #2! He was furious. I suggested, "You oughta bash his head in with a ball bat," but he didn't.

But we got in 9 hours, and I was paid less than what I get for screwing around a few hours on webpages from the comfort of my own home, and my body was beat.

We apparently did an acceptable job, they invited us back tomorrow, though neither of my co-workers are going. And I don't blame them, it really was back-breaking work, for shit pay. I think I will do at least one more day....it did me good to get out in a different environment, even if it sucked. 

Sunburn hat head.

Oh, and I got a lot of sun! I was wearing my hat low to keep the sweat out of my eyes, so now my face is red while the top of my forehead is pale.

Hauling rocks all day blows....but I will try one more day. Because no one else from my group is going back and I like to tell myself I'm hardcore. And it's a guaranteed 9 hours, other assignments tend to be fewer hours...and at this shitty pay-rate, you want all the hours you can get.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, June 30, 2004]

What's Your Favorite Book?

Here's mine:

Naked On Roller Skates.

I confess I've never read this book, I might ILL it. The 17 comments in the original post led to a lively discussion of WorldCat availability in California and the author Maxwell Bodenheim who was a Communist sympathizer and who, along with his wife, was brutally murdered by a crazy friend of theirs. Not the life you would expect for the author of such a light and carefree sounding book.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, June 27, 2004]

Back in Town

I just returned from a trip home to Indiana for the sad occasion of attending my uncle's funeral.
Aside from the purpose of the trip, it was great to see the family and farmland again.

A lot of us had an early reunion at Chicago O'Hare Airport as all of our connecting flights were delayed or cancelled. I met my father and cousins Adam and Abby there and we all cancelled our connecting flights and took a bus to Indiana.  It was a riotous journey.

At the end of the trip, as we were all entering the airport to fly to our respective home states, Abby sent a fake can of peanuts with a springing snake it it through baggage check.  We were hoping the TSA guy would open it and get pranked. He laughed and refused to open it though. He said he saw the snake in the scanner.

Once back in Orange County, it took me two hours to get home from the John Wayne airport by bus, but it was totally worth it. The driver for the first segment of my ride should have been on American Idol! He sang really well. There were only three passengers on the bus, it was evening, and the driver was singing beautifully. A bunch of old Temptations songs, and I don't know what all. A bag lady who was riding would occasionally join in and they'd perform a duet. It probably was my most delightful bus ride ever.

Based on the three bus drivers I rode with to get home, I'd say that evening bus drivers are far more pleasant than daytime bus drivers (in Orange County, at least). It is probably the lack of traffic congestion.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, June 5, 2004]

Frank Farm

Revisiting the Frank Farm, wishing it was for a happier occasion.

 

Hay Elevator

When we were little kids running around at our cousins' farm, we used to love running up the hay elevator and riding it back down - CRASH! - then running back up the other side again, and crashing down again. It was like a huge see-saw with impact.  When you ran to the top, your weight would make it fall (fast!) to the ground. When we were really little, sometimes the impact would launch us up in the air.

I made a chart to illustrate the dynamic:

 Lots of fun, and I got to do it again last week, joined by Cousin Abby Jo:

It's a lot less dramatic now that we've grown up so much.  We used to be able to fit on the very end. It's still fun though.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, June 5, 2004]

On the Frank Farm: Secret Features

One of the old, unused sheds on the Frank Farm is the home of a peculiar masterpiece, a tree that has slowly been growing through a chair over the years, as if time itself has been politely waiting for nature to finish its work.

Secret Feature @ the Frank Farm.

Quack!

Went out back to smoke and discovered a mother duck and her babies have moved into Brandee and Matt's swimming pool:

Ducks in the pool.

Once in the pool, though, it looked like the babies were too small to get out:

Too little.

So, we rigged up a ramp for them:

Duckling ramp.

And everybody made it out okay:

Resolution.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, May 23, 2004]

Don't Go To Bed...

So, this morning, a guy I'm making a website for tells me about a bail bondsman he knows named Moses.  When I asked who Moses was, he told me Moses was an ex-biker, turned bail bondsman/bounty hunter with a steel CAGE built into the trunk of his car. For people. He is apparently a hard core mother fucker.

But the best thing of all about Moses his his promotional t-shirt:

Moses' promotional t-shirt.

Nothing subtle about it.

And if that isn't enough to cram onto one shirt, the front displays a huge caption:

"Don't go to bed with a price on your head."

The sleeves are emblazoned with sharks:

Sleeve detail.

I just can't believe the awesomeness of this t-shirt. The back panel incorporates Moses posed as the Biblical Moses, parting a shark infested ocean so a car can drive through. The caption reads, "When you're in deep water, call Moses."

Back panel images, wide view.

8 Commandments detail.

"Thou shall not croak."

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, May 18, 2004]

The Presidential Prayer Team

Well, this is stupid. It's a sticker from an organization called the Presidential Prayer Team.  I'm now getting spammed with right wing prayer requests, but receiving this free sticker of George W. Bush praying with the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln and George Washington makes it totally worth it. 

The Presidential Prayer Team.

What a dumb thing.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, May 16, 2004]

Anti-Rape Technology

Hey, I've had this book for a few years -

[American Sex Machines: The Hidden History of Sex at the U.S. Patent Office by Hoag Levins. 1996. Adams Media Corp. Holbrook Mass.] - It's a collection of patents for sex gadgetry.

My favorite section is Chapter 13 - "Anti-Rape Technology" which includes a pretty remarkable selection of protective vaginal inserts that are all much more horrifying than extra-vaginal chastity belt/armor patents -

Here's George Vogel's basic vaginally-inserted spike (1977).

George Vogel's anti-rape vaginal spike (1977).

This one makes me cringe. Well, the all do, but so does this one:

Alston Levesque's "penis locking and lacerating vaginal insert." Those things on the side are RAZORS! (1977):

Alston Levesque's penis locking and lacerating vaginal insert (1977).

This one's interesting - Charles Barlow's vaginal harpoon tube (in 1 & 3 prong models - 1979):

Charles Barlow's vaginal harpoon tubes (1979).

And for the girl with everything - Dirk Coetzee's "spring powered vaginal spike" (1979) which actually LAUNCHES a spike INTO the invading penis:

Dirk Coetzee's spring-powered vaginal spike (1979).

I'd be careful removing that one.

There are more, but these are the highlights.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Apr. 21, 2004]

Fork Fangs

Cousin Ross taught me this at Long John Silvers in Fort Wayne, IN during the late 1970s and I've never forgotten it. Fork Fangs are an example Hoosier ingenuity at its best.

It's an easy way to entertain yourself and others in a public dining area for no extra cost while your parents are talking for hours. 

Directions:
1. Start with a standard disposable plastic fork.
2. Break off the handle and center prongs.
3. Flip it upside down.
4. Place it in your mouth, and....ta-daaaa - Vampire fangs.
5. Fun time!

Recreating the Fork Fangs experience as an adult..

First Webcam Photo

My first webcam photo. Yep.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Mar. 22, 2004]

Jonnie On Enrichment

Today is the two month anniversary of The Real World ... Blogger Style.
Your assignment is to write a post telling how being a member of the house has enriched your life.   -  Boz 3/19/2004 

Joining the blog-house has been much like accidentally falling into a swimming pool fully clothed at a public event. Initially embarrassing, and your money’s no good. But also, kind of invigorating and often refreshing, depending on the weather.

The RWBS has enriched my life far more than a job ever could.

[ Originally posted on The Real World…Blogger Style! – March 19, 2004 ]

Real World Bathrooms

When I was part of The Real World...Blogger Style!, we all posted photos of our bathrooms one day.

Here was mine. This is when I was renting a room with a bathroom next door in Orange as I finished my MLIS.

Note the ergonomic toilet plunger handle.

2 sinks and a coffee pot.

[Originally posted on The Real World...Blogger Style!, Mar. 10, 2004]

#1 Jonnie

Alright! Google says I'm the #1 "Jonnie" in the world!

#1 Jonnie.

I'm glad my name ignores the common "h" - cuts down on the competition.
I even beat out Jonnie Cochran (mis-spelled).

The Internet should let me have, "Jonnie1" as my instant messenger name.
Give "Jonnie701" to Google's 701st most popular Jonnie.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 25 2004]

Instant Messenger

I am now instant messenger equipped.
The computer named me, "jonnie701."
I shall soon start instant messaging other bloggers so we can talk shit & have encounters in a non-public environment.

This is sort of a milestone, I suppose.
I would like a cake now. Or pie.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 22, 2004]

Coyotes In These Here Hills

Despite development and urbanization efforts, coyotes still roam around Orange County at night. One of them grabbed a dog right in its own yard.

I'll try to get a picture of one by the lemon tree.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Feb. 16, 2004]

OC, First Impressions

I drove around the City of Orange for a few hours, assessing my new city. My initial impression would be that this is a nice and shiny community with lots of commercial establishments. It should be very much like living inside a mall.

I'm in a hillside house, away from the hustle and bustle, but close enough for everything to be convenient.

I didn't notice very many of the local, independent establishments that dominate East L.A. There were lots of national chains, so it's a lot more antiseptic and commercial, but very comfortable. I will miss the taco trucks of L.A. though.

There are two Del Tacos about a block or two down each street of my nearest intersection, so that's something. I can hear the Disney fireworks at night, and the freeway traffic if I open my window.

I have a personal restroom next to my bedroom with two (!) sinks.  I think I'll set up my coffee maker next to one of them to prevent counter drippage and I'll use the other for hygiene purposes.

I just spent $100 on bathroom, cleaning, & office supplies that will probably last me for years.

I also replenished some essentials - new towels, bottle opener/corkscrew, comfortable bathroom rug, toilet plunger w/ an ergonomic handle, & some of that shit that makes your toilet water blue.

I am ready to roll.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Jan. 23 - 28, 2004]

Leaving Los Angeles

My new rental in Orange County is good to go. I'll be driving carloads of stuff over there next Wednesday. MLIS classes start back up in a couple of weeks.

Leaving East Los Angeles behind, I will really only miss the amazing late night taco trucks and food stands. Best tacos ever, no contest.

I guess I will also miss the commercial murals that are painted on many of the local independent stores to advertise products.

Like this one:

Cat in a stew, pig serving sandwiches.

 And their blatant disregard for copyright law:

Tweety bird with a giant glass of juice.

Winnie the Pooh with a beverage next to a cornucopia of fruit.

Tube of Colgate over the store entrance door..

One guy used to have Wolverine painted on his liquor store, but it has since been painted over.

A weird, fairly common, motif is to show happy animals being cooked, like there will be a painting of a cow or pig being cooked in a pot over a fire with a big smile on their face.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Jan. 15, 2004]