Save the World

Monday, May 11, 2020

Van Log, 1994: Montana

3:01 am: We just entered Montana and we're on the Crow Indian Reservation. All's quiet on the Crow Reservation, they're all at the casinos. I don't mean that at all.

We're up in a cloud, we're really high, I've been pressing the gas and am not getting much acceleration. We're surrounded by a thick blanket of fog or clouds or something which has cut my speed drastically. We can't see shit. The roads are wet and we'd better slow down. We're at about zero visibility and we're going down a very steep steep hill. This is terrible.

Things are better now; the roads are wet, but the worst is over. We're in Montana! Just driving through on the way North. ShaNaNa was at Woodstock which ties into something that Ron and Russ were saying in the Badlands about a Woodstock reunion and what a joke it was because Aerosmith was playing and it was profit oriented.

Billings is 99 miles from here! We're gonna have to stop by there and pay our respects since Mr. Billings let us use his jack and was an all-around decent guy. If it weren't for Mr. Billings, we wouldn't be able to go to Billings.

Things are going pretty smooth. I've been holding a crap for awhile now, across state lines. The hills in Montana are steep. We're, like, the only car on the road. We have not passed anybody and nobody has passed us. It's just us, the rain, the pavement and the windshield wipers. These are really pretty dangerous conditions here, but we can handle it. Even without any wipers.

3:30 am: My God, it's pissing down rain in the form of a strong gale!! We've pulled off the interstate and are looking for a place to gas-up, use the restrooms and fix the windshield wipers. I mean, it's a haze of rain everywhere! There's a sign up ahead, but we can't read it through the gale. It's closed, no lights on there. We're just creeping along through the backroads of Montana in the pouring rain. "Land-O-Lakes" is closed. These roads are just drenched! There is, I bet, a couple of inches of water on the road here, we'll just poke right through. We can't see shit. Someone left the window open and the Atlas is soaked. I just turned on the defrost to improve visibility, I'm very nervous and cannot relax.

It's extremely dark out there and you can just see these huge shadows of mountains and you're going down for awhile, then you're going up for awhile; there's a curve and there's just constant readjustment of the wheel and the speed. It's never right...just tension, tension, tension. If we just had windshield wipers, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. There is reason to be nervous, I mean, who wants to crash and burn?

3:59 am: Things are looking better now. They're not great, they're not ideal by any means; but the rain has stopped pouring down. Oh! A blue sign! Now, the toilets and gas! Beautiful. The site of the Little Big Horn battle is a mile from here, too bad we can't stop. It's four in the morning, dark and wet and there's no reason at all to stop. This is really cool, the way this has worked out. The Little Bighorn Casino! Let's drop a quarter! Is this place open? There's a "Sinclair" station, the same place that fixed our tire in South Dakota. My first impression of Montana was, "Hell On Earth", but it's an alright place now. I'm sure that, in the daylight, the scenery would be gorgeous.

4:15 am: The bathroom in this place is shitty and inside it's not much better; but I found out, by studying stuff in there, that we're on a reservation. There's a poster up in there to re-elect Sheriff Medicine Horse and there are notices that a certain Council Member is discriminating against Crow Indians. When I went in the bathroom, the trashcan was sitting up on the toilet seat and it was eerie. It was just a scary place, but I'm glad we found anywhere and that the rain stopped and the fog lifted.

Here's the deal with the windshield wipers - the left one should be okay, the right one comes off.

There was a 300 pound Indian in there with tattoos. We missed the way to the casino. We missed the way to our Interstate too.

I'm kinda likin' this. Me and Montana. Yeah! Laura's cleaning Jonnie's ears with a Q-Tip while he drives, thanks Laura. All of us have pretty clean ears.

It's early morning and Montana's turning out to not be the Hell that we'd supposed. We're watching the sunrise and Todd's relaying a dream.

Todd's Dream

...At the house, they had cattle and, while we were there, one of the bulls went mad and we were all on acid and didn't know what to do. It was a town...it might have been Billings actually. The van was parked and I was gaging the strength of the door and I thought, "Well, we've got about ten whacks, then that bull's through".

So we thought maybe we'd go to the barn, but the barn doors were just thin old wood. Then it was fighting two other cows and winning!! They were on top of it and it was just goring them, like, picking them up in the air and then people thought, "Well, we've gotta help those other cows 'cause this is a mad bull!

So it was, like, four humans and two cows against one mad bull and they were fighting and wrestling it and finally everybody had a limb and everybody got these ropes and tied it up and I'm just, like, watchin' it.

They tied up the mad bull and everybody pulled the ropes tight and carried it. It's legs were all spread out and it couldn't move. It got really elaborate on the ropes and knots...all different colors of ropes and people in a procession carrying the bull and these guys were carrying hot-air balloons. Behind them, a bunch of people had the bull and I was helping them carry it. I asked what they did with it and they shot it and said,"Someone will be eating that bull".

Then we were going home and Laura was driving the parents' van. Somehow we got into an argument then turned off the road and there was a cliff and she goes, "Fuck it, let's just take the cliff down", and drives off the cliff. We made one jump and were okay, then we did something else and got all fucked-up. Fucked that van up bad.

While Todd's remembering the rest of it, we'll watch the sun rise in Columbus, Montana. Mountains all over the place.

I remember that the house we lived in...There were all these fucking people with goatees living there. A bunch of people and I could hardly tell them apart. And there was a Jamaican. Dad was there and we were getting ready to go somewhere and the Jamaican and everybody were smoking a hooter on the couch. We were going to an A.A. function and they were smoking this hooter on the couch and we took the car to run an errand, their Escort.

On the way back, there were these people having a protest about something, I don't even know what it was, but they were hanging in the road a little bit, like sitting down, waiting. I said,"Fuck it, they're in my lane". I just drove over them, like, their legs. One guy, I drove over his legs and I looked at him and he just took a knife and got my tires. They had cars parked around, so I bumped up against 'em. Boom! Like, "You fuckers get out of here".

So after we got them, I looked and we had four flat tires and we were, like, "Fuck it". So we just drove home on the rims.

We got back and Dad's real pissed because we smashed up the van driving over a cliff and then we took the car and came back with four flat tires and I knew he'd be pissed. In the dream, he had a white beard and I told him, "Well, we drove it home on the rims 'cause it was only a mile", and he goes, "oh, FUCK!!!"; just like he does.

There's more, but I don't know...a couple of fragments. That dream catcher's goin' to town. A long vivid dream and I was totally into it, like it was real.

Back to Reality:

I had a dream too. Mine wasn't that interesting though. It just had to do with a lot of pot smoking and playing video games.

I'm still on top of the van. I just watched the sun come up. Never is the sunrise more majestic than when you're surrounded by mountains. We're even in an urban area and it's still exotic. The fog's just rolling in. We're watching it roll in. Beautiful here. It's gonna be a day of mass travel today. That fog's comin' right at us. If we get lost, it may be for days. The fog is currently surrounding us. You can see it almost right up to the van. It's a very thick fog and can even be clearly seen at close range. Far out in the distance, the mountains that we did see are now completely covered and we can't see a damn thing. The sun is, like, pale egg color. It's covered now! A few minutes ago, it hurt your eyes to look at it, now you can stare right at it and it's like the moon or something. It's hard to see it at all.

The fog is blotting out the sun. Before our eyes, the sun's drying up! OH! It's gone! Oh. It's back. Oh no. It's gone. We just watched the sun disappear. I've never seen that happen, the moisture from the fog just put out the sun. We just watched the sun get snuffed. Even if the sun is dissolved, you can still see those billboards over there. There's not a damn thing over there but fog. We might plunge off a mountain to a fiery death and I hope this log survives.

The sun is back!! The sun can not be extinguished, it rose from its own ashes like the Phoenix. It's white. It's not nearly the magnificent glory that it once was. It'll blast this fog away. You can't keep the sun down. And then it's gonna burn those billboards and the world's gonna go down in fire. It's gonna be the fucking Badlands everywhere. I hope my body is eaten by vultures and shit across this great country. I hope my bones are blown away onto Amber Lynn's doorstep and she comes out and licks them.

Do I wanna deal with this shit so early? Yeah, no fog's gonna get me down. Blow that fog down the mountain, Sun. Blow that fog down South. Now you can see the mountains again. The Sun is just burning that shit away. For us! We're goin' North! We're gonna stop for coffee somewhere. Laura, would you roll down your window? These socks are going out the window. These socks aren't worth saving at all, let the fog swallow those bastards. There they go, Goodbye! Be gone, long ones. Fog's up, I got the suitcase out from the bottom of the van, got some clean bright socks on and I feel good about it.

Day 5, 9:35 am: We just had a long stop in a truck stop and we wrote a shitload of postcards, so that's out of the way. Throw me those smokes. It was a great little truck stop, hot water in the bathroom. truck stop literature...like, bathroom stall writings...is the same across the country. I noticed no difference between the messages here and the Columbia City truck stop. It must be the same people driving around and they hit every truck stop and write the same shit. Or just the same kinds of personalities that write on walls tend to write the same type of stuff. In Wall there was...some name..."sucks dick". The name was really Western and masculine, but I don't remember what it was. Like, "Big Bill Sucks Dick".

The waitress in there was really friendly, she mailed our postcards for us, she was a cutie. Really cute, really nice. If I wasn't writing postcards, I'd have been goosing her, chasing her around the table. She was a dumpling and we're leaving her behind for the road. Look at those mountains! Like we ever had her to leave behind! But we're not hanging around gawking at her. There's a water slide here, looks fun. We're gonna see some unusual things today. We've been driving all night, Jonnie hasn't slept yet. I'm gonna finish my smoke, Mel's gonna finish his smoke, Todd's gonna finish his smoke, Laura's gonna finish her smoke; and we're just gonna floor it.

We just saw a sign that said we are looking a Aberaska Mountain Range and it is gorgeous. We're looking for mountain goats. We may have lost Jonnie, he's lying down and that may be his downfall. Dead skunk in the middle of the road. That's a roadkill update.

11:11 am: All "ones" on the clock! We're here at the "Bison Room Casino and Restaurant" where Laura has found that the van has radiator leakage. A fellow traveler from Wisconsin, Chris, is helping us out.

"I left Wisconsin yesterday at seven in the morning and drove straight here."

"Wow, that's pretty hard-core."

"Yep, pretty hard-core. A six-pack of beer later and I was here."

"We left Indiana five days ago."

"Oh my God, you guys aren't making very good time."

"Well, we fucked around in the Badlands."

"Oh...You went South?"

"Yeah. Then up North. We wanted to see Devil's Tower."

Thanks, Chris.

"I was driving and all of a sudden, something came in my window. I knew it was a bug, but I didn't know what it was called. All of a sudden, something was biting me and it was a god-damned bumble bee. A hornet actually. It hurt and it bit me two or three times."

I never expected this much research material for my analysis - the bathroom stall thing. In the stall in this Conoco, not "Muff Diver", but somebody wrote, "Talkin' Shit About JB Hunt", they talk shit about that all the time in the Columbia City truckstop and it must be the same guys. I wish I was getting a grant for this.

There is no progress. Van Log, I'm a dog. We've drained all the chemical shit from the radiator and Chris is a good guy, a Road Man. Road people help each other and it's a great society to be a part of. There's a NAPA right over that overpass.

12:15 pm: We're in the NAPA parking lot, mission to get teflon tape was successful, Laura's firing up the stove and we were just strafed by a biplane. Here's the trickle of our antifreeze - it's a green potion and it's filling up three of our pans; our biggest pan, our second biggest pan and the skillet. We're gonna deal with this problem. Teflon tape. We're gonna deal with it right.

Everything is going wrong! Maybe Montana is the hell that I thought it was when I pulled in. Do you know what it was? I said that bad thing about the Crow Indians all being in the casino when we pulled in on the reservation. We have the Crow Indian Curse! Said something about them all being at the casino, now we're broken down here at this big "Bison Room Casino" thing. They said, "You're at the casino now, buddy. You're gonna be at the casino for a long time and you're gonna be ordering food there too". Our stove's broken.

You had better be doing some penance, man.

How do you do it? How do you make good?

I'll think of something.

We thought we wouldn't need goop for the radiator. I bought some wrenches and it turns out that we do, in fact, need goop. I bought these wrenches at NAPA, so I have all these wrenches now.

Mel was injured! He jumped over a ditch...a Raging Creek. It was only 3 and a half feet wide, but it was raging, swirling eddies and everything. Jumped over it, landed in soft dirt. At first it hurt, but then the pain subsided and it just felt weird. If I turned it one way, it was a sharp pain; but if I turned it another way, it felt great. I mean, it felt better than normal. I was kind of afraid to take my boot off, but I did and I've found out that it is swollen.

Furthermore, the stove won't work, there's no pressure in the tank and we've tried everything.

1:00 pm: I was in meditation trying to heal my ankle, trying to call upon the Godfathers and the Bear Spirit and somehow...Jonnie or Laura - I think it was Jonnie, since he's the only one that nothing bad has happened to yet - dumped, or spilled a whole can of Coleman Fuel and it went up in a pillar of flame. It was leaping up the side of the NAPA store.

Our cooking pans, full of antifreeze.

Todd inspects the radiator.

Stove difficulties.

Explosion next to the NAPA store.

Todd went in and got one of the NAPA guys with a fire extinguisher and it's out; but,, holy shit, we've got to do something. We have to form a circle and bond and try to get rid of this bad karma. I mean, shit is seriously - Seriously - going wrong. This is just too much bad shit happening at one time; too much to be normal, this is unnatural. We've offended some serious powers.

Have you ever felt, just really unwelcome? That's how we feel here in Bozeman. We were trying to cement the thing on the stove and we've been burning our debris, so we burnt a paper towel and couldn't get it to light. In my family, we pour a little fluid on it, so that's what I did. I looked down at my hand - I was holding the can - and there was flame going around on top. I threw it down and it burst into flame. Me and Laura looked at each other. Todd got in the van and coasted over the skillet full of antifreeze. Bent that skillet out of shape, like a taco. I was sure that the black smoke was going to stain NAPA's siding and we'd have to buy another one. Todd ran in and informed them and they sprayed it with a fire extinguisher. They said, "What were you doing so close to the building?" Everybody's worst fear, burning the most explosive thing that you can buy.

OK Crow, this is an eternal apology to the Crow Indian. We're unwelcome in this town and this is penance out the ass. Laura's got a big bug bite on her ass. I laughed so hard, I peed my pants. I have a real problem with that sometimes. We've got to get out of here. I'm gonna change my camera film, the last picture was that fire.

Our first cookware casualty - a skillet bent like a taco. Coasted right over it, I just thought, "I'm getting out of here".

We're talking about appeasing the Gods now, but it's hard to be sincere. This is just too fun, it's exciting and I can't give a damn as long as the van's running. I don't want to wish a dead van on us. Lets just say we're even with the Gods. We've had a lot of good times and, just now, we've had a lot of bad times. We just don't want anything worse to happen. The van could've blown up and I would have been right here, dead. But it didn't happen so we're not going to play with fire anymore. When you play with fire, you pee the bed. I know you've heard that one before, Laura. I don't pee the bed, I pee my pants.

I turned around and there was a burning can of Coleman Fuel - 'WHOOSH!'.

I just heard, 'Oh Shit!'"

I just looked down at the can and thought, 'that really caught'.

I just fell down on the ground and pissed and laughed.

Right when I let go of the can, I wished I hadn't thrown it at the building. I was thinking, you know...away from the van. I'd rather burn NAPA down than the van. We'd just haul balls out of here, but we don't have any antifreeze in the radiator. We'd make it as far as we could and then we'd be fucked.

Things have taken a turn for the worse, but that's all over now. We're on a new leg and Jonnie's sweeping out the van.

I'm trying to get rid of that old curse. It's kind of like a cleansing. Getting rid of the curse that we drug here from our earlier days. Hellfire.

1:47 pm: This is our goop inventory: Shoe Goo, gasket goop, hair gel, peanut butter, jelly and all kinds of lotions. "Aloe Vera Mosquito". Lotion is a sub-species of goop. It's smooth. It's a soft goop, a slick goop. Goop doesn't go away when you rub it. If you rub lotion long enough, it goes away. I found some more goop - this tar shit.

2:29 pm: We've pretty much decided that all of that bad luck in Bozeman was because of Bozeman and not us. We're good people, it's just that Bozeman is a fucked-up place to be and we're getting out of here. When Todd and Mel drove through here a couple of years ago, a bunch of bad stuff happened then too. If we'd done nothing to the radiator, it probably would have stopped leaking once we left town. That guy, Chris, told us that the guy from Starsky and Hutch is now a lounge lizard and he's performing at the "Big Sky Resort", too bad we missed it.

We're out of Bozeman and it's raining. All the bad luck is gonna go away. No more bad luck after today. I took a short nap and have just examined my ankle and the swelling has gone down just a smidgin.

4:56 pm: We stopped in Drummond to get some gas. We stopped at Exxon, but they didn't have big cups of coffee or radiator sealant; so we went to the Sinclair, which has always done us right. I asked the lady how much she'd charge me for a 32oz. pop cup filled with coffee and she smiled and said, "Nothing". She gave it to me for free. I thought that was really nice.

Hopefully we have fucked with the radiator for the final time. We forgot to check the oil, but we'll do that next stop. It's not accurate unless the engine's cool anyway and we don't stop.

My generously-given cup of coffee that I put in the soda cup has wax floating on top of it. By taking a paper towel and dipping it just on top of my coffee, I have removed 90 percent of the wax. My ankle is still swollen and I'm getting some yellowish discoloration. It's really not that bad, all that a doctor will do is bill you for giving out a pair of crutches and saying, "Take it easy". It's gonna definitely bruise. We have Missoula in the next three exits.

6:03 pm: We just picked up a couple of guys hitchhiking, Digger and Chuck, and they're gonna get some beer. You couldn't ask for anything better, unless they'd want to smoke a bowl and they look like they do. We're gonna get an interview. The radiator is still leaking, maybe we should go to a mechanic. Maybe we should just go get some advice, that's free. We could've gone into NAPA for advice if we hadn't almost burned their building down.

"I'm Digger and I'm on my way to Washington."

"I'm Chuck and I'm traveling with this bum to Washington and I'm glad to be with you guys and thanks for the ride."

"Thanks for the beer. Are you guys from Montana?"

"Yep. Born and raised. Unfortunately."

"So, what's so bad about Montana?"

"Nothing. I don't feel there is anyway. When you've been there for 20 years, it kind of gets old."

"Bozeman. Is that just, like, the Bad Luck Town, or what?"

[No Answer]

I'm on my third beer and having a good time. These guys are great. A merry ride through the mountains of Montana. First roadkill of the day was a skunk and there was a big hole in its chest and you could see through it. It looked like a brain inside its chest, but of course it wasn't. It was on the edge of a cliff, bad place to die.

7:45 pm: It finally happened, the radiator spit up all over me. I saw it coming and quickly closed my eyes. Sprayed my face, I feel some burns, but they won't be bad. It's like after you touch a hot pan or something. But as soon as it happened, I was like, "Okay, is this as bad as I've heard"? The guy in the gas station was very friendly and Jonnie's at the wheel.

Will our luck get any better?

Ride on through Idaho and find out.

Or, go anywhere:

Van Log '94: A Collective Narrative:

Forward by Todd South Dakota, pt. 1 Washington

Leaving Indiana South Dakota, pt. 2 British Columbia

Illinois Wyoming Hyder, AK (side trip)

Wisconsin Montana Yukon Territory

Minnesota Idaho Alaska

Van Log, 1994: Idaho

7:45 pm: We have entered the Standard Time Zone and Idaho simultaneously on an amazingly steep downgrade. We're on a mountain road up in the clouds. We saw a sign that said, "Runaway truck Ramp" and that means that, indeed, we're in the Mountains. We're by the Longhorn Bar, the IGA and the Bank of America in some town. I don't know where we're at, but I've had some beers and I've got to piss. Digger and Chuck are hipping us on various Montana laws that are still on the books from the frontier days.

"In Montana, you can shoot Indians from a covered wagon and it's still a Montana law that, when you get out of prison, as long as you don't have parole; they've gotta give you a $20 gold piece, a 30.30 rifle and a good horse. It's still on the books."

"If you catch your wife sleeping with her lover, you can kill them both and get off on it."

"Let's move to Montana."

"It's against the law to take a shower with a mule or any other kind of animal. You can get sent to prison for it. Fags are still outlawed."

"Can you shoot them?"

"No, you can't shoot them."

"From a covered wagon?"

"No. It's just still against the law to be a fag in Montana."

Well, our time in Idaho was brief.
Continue with us into Washington if you want to.

Or, go anywhere:

Van Log '94: A Collective Narrative:

Forward by Todd South Dakota, pt. 1 Washington

Leaving Indiana South Dakota, pt. 2 British Columbia

Illinois Wyoming Hyder, AK (side trip)

Wisconsin Montana Yukon Territory

Minnesota Idaho Alaska

Van Log, 1994: Washington

9:10 pm: We're in Washington: a long fucking way from Indiana. The Northwestern corner of the United States. We've come a long way, baby, and I'm rolling a cigarette now. I bought my first bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 which I'll have by a campfire somewhere. Mad Dog is not van-drinking stuff. Beer is. I drank some kind of whisky cocktail that our hitchhikers bought for us - Jack Daniels & Iced Tea - it was really good.

I'm infinitely more fucked-up than I thought I would be. I thought I'd be totally sober. There've been no roadside tragedies. Some stupid mistakes, but nothing tragic. I don't even feel my ankle anymore.

Another Montana quote from Digger: "Nothing comes from Montana unless it's either a piece of shit or else it's too god-damned good for society."

"Anything to add?"

"All you need to do is live in Montana for a week to understand the whole entire state. Amen to that".

"This is Digger, I wish you guys the best on your trip. I hope you keep your rubber down & the wind in your hair, or your hair in the wind; and if you smoke a bowl, think of us."

In Alaska, the first bowl will be dedicated to Digger & Chuck and the first beer will be dedicated to James & Jamie in Gillette, Wyoming.

10:00 pm: We just came out of a Burger King in Spokane, having dropped off Digger & Chuck. Digger's full of shit, but he knows how to entertain his rides. He bought us a lot of alcohol. I am pretty fucking drunk! Let's make sure that windshield wiper is on good. Do we wanna go to the store? The Gill Brothers just spilled both of their coffees. If we find a Goodwill, maybe we can get some stuff. Maybe we'll find a raft.

Mel's foot.

1:21 am: We're coming into the "Indian John Hill Rest Area" on West 90. "Limit your stay to 8 hours", we'll be fine, park under that light. We're gonna stay here tonight. My ankle feels like hell & my head feels like shit.

10:02 am: The rest of the crew just got up. I've been up for hours, reading. There were some punk kids having a blast going around knocking on windows & stuff. They avoided this van when they saw me though. I think one of them shit in the urinal, but luckily one of the attendants cleaned it up already. I guess we're going to get up, change clothes, head to Seattle or a suburb of Seattle & go to the grocery store.

I'm gonna clean myself up so much that I'll feel like a King, gonna shine like a diamond, gonna look like I came out of a beauty parlor, gonna wash my armpits.

I found an old cigarette case in my jacket with a roach in it. I'm glad we found it before the border police did.

Day 6, 11:42 am: East of Seattle, beautiful pine trees, mountains & power lines. I'm smoking a roach and Laura's scraping the bowl. We're going through the first tunnel of the trip! It was a short one, but it was fun.

We've been welcomed to Isaquah. We're gonna go to "Tourist Information" so we can find a camp store and a grocery store and get all the shit we need for Canada. There are some really bright flowers to our right. Really big, like a pineapple-sized flower. Far-Far's Danish Ice Cream, that's one of the reasons why I'd like to live in Seattle for a year. We're gonna go to the "Farmer's Market."

The Farmer's Market had no vegetables! They're out of season and we didn't want any flowers.

3:15 pm: We're at K-Mart in Bellingham, about an hour away from the Canadian border & there's a crow flying over the parking lot and I just bowed to it. We're gonna get a new tank for our stove. Well, we haven't tried it since we left Bozeman. Let's try it...After re-examining the Coleman Stove, it works! Laura has two tattoo decals from K-Mart, a butterfly & a heart with wings and she's put them both on her arm.

Here we go, quart of oil in the van and we're ready for the long run out of the country. It's been nice being in Seattle. Lots of coffee everywhere.

4:34 pm: The border is in sight and we're the only gritty van in this cluster. We really do stick out, but they probably see a lot of this. There are a lot of people in front of us and a lot of people behind us. Hopefully they'll just say, "Fuck it. Go on through" and we'll go. OH! Hide the Mountie figure! They didn't like that last time. They don't drive around with, like, FBI Agent figures in their cars.

I just flashed a peace sign to an old guy in a Volvo and he smiled really big & flashed it back. Maybe he's an old hippie. We're about five car lengths from the border and it doesn't look like anybody's being stopped. That's because they see us back here. I bet we get stopped. If we're not careful, we're gonna overheat! Our Customs Official is wearing a hat with dark glasses and has a dark mustache & short hair.

Can we make it past Border Patrol? If so, then Welcome to Canada!
Follow us on to British Columbia

Or, go anywhere:

Van Log '94: A Collective Narrative:

Forward by Todd South Dakota, pt. 1 Washington

Leaving Indiana South Dakota, pt. 2 British Columbia

Illinois Wyoming Hyder, AK (side trip)

Wisconsin Montana Yukon Territory

Minnesota Idaho Alaska

Van Log, 1994: British Columbia

5:19 pm: The border Patrol made a mess of our van....Fuckers. They messed everything up! Bags are all over, sleeping bags off the shelf, the Necessities Box is on top of the Food Box, they just rape you. They rape your stuff, violate your privacy. I'm putting the Mountie up. We are in Canada now! We've got our Canadian money and we're going on to Vancouver. And Customs stole a pack of my cigarettes.

5:52 pm: We've now crossed Vancouver city limits. We've parked on Howe Street at a parking lot. It's $1.50 for every two hours of $5.00 all day. $70.00 monthly. We're gonna walk around.

9:00 pm: We just came back from the Pub Pub Pub, which was the lobby of the St. Regis Hotel. There are a lot of fun things here and a big diverse collection of people. Lots of porno shops & leather stores which is kind of intriguing seeing as how they keep closing them down in Indiana. There was a guy selling peace pipes who gave us directions. We were trying to find the seedy part of town, but it seemed a bit too far for the time that we have to spend here. We were going to get on a bus, but we didn't have exact change at all. Vancouver, given enough time and enough money, could really please me; I think.

I don't know if my short hair makes me look like the domestic type, but I've been asked twice if Laura is my wife. They think I'm married - the guy at the border and then the guy who was telling us where to find the seedy part of town. And he asked me if I was in the Navy.

He asked me if I was in the Army.

He had a whole bag full of cassette tapes & a bag full of beers. We offered to buy him a beer & he said, "No, I already have one" and pointed to his plastic grocery store bag. What a guy. We're looking for 5, who knows where we are? There are a lot of beautiful women in this town. Wow, look at that! "West Coast Tattooing" with a big demon on the storefront!

There's massive bruising on the ankle from today's walk, blood red and slightly black. We've got a photograph of the post-Vancouver ankle. It didn't feel that bad, but now after a couple of beers, it feels great. Bruising does not cause pain, bruising is just the bursting of blood vessels which could be painful, but not to me.

I've seen so many hockey sticks being wielded in the streets here.

9:23 pm: We're kind of on a weird stretch of road here, I think it's just a park. We don't know. There are trees on both sides of the road. Nothing but trees. Two thirds of the lanes are marked with a red "X" & there's a lot of traffic coming at us. Our lane is marked with a green arrow & we're going the other direction. "Park Drive", so it may very well be a park. We're coming up on a bridge - an enormous bridge - and enormous mountains behind it. Everything around us is enormous. As we take this bridge, we see more of Vancouver and, below us (a long ways) is a barge towing two big things of grain. It's really wide. Very pretty. Tug Tug Tug Tug Tug Tug...

This city - I'm sure its got its pollution, its problems, its crime and all the shitty aspects of any city; but you just kind of lose that when you look at the city and see the trees & the backdrop of mountains. I looks like a nice place to live.

9:40 pm: We're in the Vancouver suburbs and they're very wealthy. We're kind of lost and there's a guy wearing a paper hat. Vancouver is a bitch! Lots of turn-offs all over the place. Right now, we're turning around at this guy's house & we're hitting his trees! He has a landscaped yard, a red rubber hose & not enough room in his driveway to turn around. This is, like, a twelve-point turn. Now we can go.

This guy in the cook hat who was sweeping off the road (he was Austrian Jon says), he told us to go all the way down to the stop sign and ask for directions there. So maybe there will be a sage waiting for us there with a roadmap. Maybe he didn't know, maybe he didn't have the words to tell us; didn't remember "left" or "right", so he just said, "Go down and ask there."

We found 99 and we smell hot dogs. We're heading North & the brakes may be going out.

10:30 pm: Broad daylight in British Columbia. We're going up 99, a very winding road with lots of beautiful scenery. A minute ago, we saw a tea shop, and I know you can make wide conclusions, but I think that's a little bit more of a British influence than the U.S. has. A tea shop in the middle of fucking nowhere. Green phone poles! Awe-inspiring cliffs of British Columbia!

We just peed at the McDonalds & they have pizza here, which I almost bought.

"I'll bet it's just gross shitty fastfood McDonalds pizza."

"But I want to know it is."

"I'll bet you right now..."

"I'll bet a looney that it's okay & Mel bets that it's shitty. We'll each eat half & whoever's right gets the looney & if you think it's that bad, I get the rest of your half."

The smell outside of McDonalds in British Columbia was not completely like the smell of other McDonalds. It must have been the pepperoni.

While I was in the bathroom, there was a boy taking a shit and another boy taking his shoes off and passing them to the boy who was taking a shit and who had already taken off his shoes. They were trading shoes.

My coffee spilled and it was shooting out of that straw like antifreeze out of a radiator. I spilled a bit on my hand and it is scalding, definitely something to be careful around.

This stretch of road is not as bad as it was. It's gotten a lot better since we've come down off the mountain. 99 North out of Vancouver has some beautiful scenery and I recommend it, but be careful. If I lived in the Vancouver suburbs, I'd either hire a driver or sell my vehicle. I wouldn't want to drive home there after going to the bars, but maybe you could get used to it.

"Fuck it! I don't want to get used to it. If you get used to driving in a city like that, you've just got to be fucking out of your mind because that means that your natural state of thought is all fucked up".

"It might make it nimble. I guess you could go about it nimbly. You could go to either extreme in Vancouver.

If you could master driving in Vancouver, you'd be a real hard-ass driver, but on the other hand, if you get on a long and uneventful road, you might lose interest easily and fall asleep & go off. Or you might just get really bored. Todd just made a convenient "Miles to Kilometers" conversion chart that will be very handy going through Canada. I have seen the perfect stretch of road! God All-Mighty, What have you done?

12:06 am: We just got our first full tank of gas at "Petro Canada". We just listened to the Flash Gordon soundtrack & it was a real treat. The fact that the British Columbians don't label their roads very well is really causing us a lot of inconvenience - loss of time, loss of gas, loss of energy & just general frustration. It's getting pretty dark and we're backtracking & just trying to figure shit out.

Grey road, red road...Which road's the red road? We want the red road. We've got the situation figured out: What seems to be the worst road (the color grey) on the map is actually the best road pavement-wise. Neither are labeled, so we're trying to guess which one is which. We're going to look at the sign when we get back on what we think may be the red road. Nothing! It just has a picture of a road and it says, "For 9KM". We don't know. We're just going to have to take it slow so we don't blow that tire.

12:55 am: Now we have pavement! We're 83Kms from Lillooet & we're going up some mountains and they look pretty wild. "Extreme Grades Next 13 Kms". It's some fucked-up territory, but you've gotta love it. Speed limit 12mph on this curve. My ears tell me that we are definitely going up and the drone of the van also tells me that. And the drone of Bob Dylan is keeping us going. Have we got the curves! Now this is a mountain road! Try putting it on "2" instead of "Drive" & see if that helps. Yeah, I don't have to floor it to go anymore. Big pay-off!

1:07 am: We've tuned-in to the Indian channel on the radio. No, it's Chinese! Jonnie knows a little bit, at least enough to distinguish it from Indian. We're way up here, not far from the snow caps. I see no way that we could climb any higher on this mountain. We've gotta start going down. Here we go! I feel a little bit light-headed from the altitude. Oh shit, it was a fooler! Here we go back up again!

We are high and dry, no rain tonight. It's a lot of fun and it's really whacking me out. We are at equal altitude with the snow caps. The last Highway 99 sign was, like, 600 miles ago, now we finally get verification that we're on 99 & it's down on a steep mountain. Going through the towns when the road splits, there's not a sign! You don't know where you're at in the towns. We've got snow right beside us. Snow and a boulder. There's a mountain lake, it's formed by glaciers.

Lillooet, B.C. We're here for a few hours, but hopefully we'll get the van going, then we'll get on our way. I'm gonna go into town, gonna look for a shower. Might just kick back somewhere, have a coffee & read a book.

Jon, Mel & Todd here, by the river, having a beer. Sun's out, Laura's taking a shower for 3 bucks & is going back into town. The brakes were apparently down to the bare metal, so it's a good thing we stopped. Todd & I went to this quaint little game place played some pool - it was a good release.

I just got off a bit by myself & that always does me good - looked at mountains, smoked some cigarettes, went into Lou's Family Restaurant, that was nice.

A couple of old guys were in there talking about, "educated idiots" & being down on the teachers that come through town here. Sayin', "They've got beards and no common sense and they're teachin' our kids to be idiots". My Godfather, that's all he talks about is educated idiots.

British Columbian glacer.

Bridge to Lillooet, B.C.

Roadsice hacky sack.

Aside: While in Lillooet, we explored many of the town's small stores (probably ALL of them). Todd stumbled across one where the proprietor, Mr. Hans Meyer, had a collection of license plates, from numerous American states and Canadian provinces, on display.

Todd thoughtfully saved the man's address in the event that we may want to send him a license plate in the future to help bridge some of the gaps in his collection.

A year or two later, when I was settled in Alaska and Todd had recently transferred up there, I had just gotten official Alaskan plates put on the van. I still had the old Indiana plates laying around and Todd pulled out Mr. Meyer's card, suggesting that we mail them to him since Indiana was not represented in his collection.

Good thinking, Todd. Thanks for remembering Mr. Meyer's license plate collection.

Mr. Meyer responded with the following letter:

Mr. and Mrs. Gilliom Anchorage, AlaskaDear Mr. and Mrs. Gilliom: [sic]
Thank you very much for sending me your licence plate.
I don't know if I eve will get to Indiana, so that plate is very welcome. Now I am missing only approximately 35 states, including Alaska. I have one of the older Yukon plates, but still none from Alaska although I much have asked half a dozen tourists. I'm still hoping to make a trip up there soon to bring back a license plate.
Thank you again. I hope you enjoy your stay in the North!
Yours truly
Hans Meyer Lillooet, B.C.

The actual letter.

Day 7 - 7:53 pm: We're leaving Lillooet, great little town, brakes are fixed, radiator's fixed, & no more fucking around with that. It was a good chillin-out period. I feel really good. I can handle these mountains. Todd & I played some pool, jogged around town a bit, went to a pub, watched some hockey - I don't know what you guys did.

I went & found a really comfortable spot on a mountain, sat there awhile, watched the river, & then I found Todd & Mel and we had a beer then I walked back into town & ran into Laura and went to the coffee shop with her. And I've been there twice that day!

I washed up in the river & a bunch of guys drove by and saw me naked. Then I took the hottest shower of my life.

I've got a blister on my toe. I think I've got a blister on my heel.

Ankle Report - I haven't looked at it yet, I'm sure it's an ugly bruise. I can hop on my ankle & I was hackin' & it feels great. So everything seems to be on the level now. Back on the road to Alaska.

"Are you eating corn chips"?

"Does it smell like it"?

Laura roller-bladed today. It was really rough, but going down the hills was pretty smooth.

We're gonna find a scenic spot & make some macaroni & cheese. Todd's gonna change socks.

9:23 pm: We're cookin' macaroni & cheese by a beautiful lake. Foul smell of South Dakota buffalo shit burning off the bottom of the pan. We're using it to saute onions & carrots.

10:40pm: Jonnie just took off his shoes & socks and they smell good.

I aint smellin' it.

They don't smell bad.

My right...actually, both of the knuckles of my big toes...are stained brown! No other dirt but on those two toe knuckles.

We had a little meal, it was good...a little bland, but that was our first macaroni & cheese batch yet. We're still learning. It's usually not intended as a main course, we're kind of pushing the limits when we do that. It was Kraft and it was crafted well.

We're on 97 now, going North. There's a ferris wheel. No it's a miller's wheel. A water wheel! It's open from 8-8, then they shut it down.

5:45 am - Laura's been driving all night. She stopped in Prince George, where she had coffee & a meal while we all slept. Didn't get real dark last night. It was kind of dusky. I mean, you wouldn't want to read outside...you wouldn't be able to do it. But there was a blue tint to the sky all night. We're on the 16, West of Prince George & we just saw the first, "Moose X-ing" sign. The sun is already coming up. I'm starting to see shit out of the corners of my eyes. I think I might pull off.

7:00 am: I'm trying to catch up with those guys in the van ahead of us. Maybe they're going that Alaskan way & have a joint to smoke with us. That would be nice. We caught up with that van, I saw their faces & they looked pretty freaked out. They allowed us to pass them easily & we haven't had sight of them in miles. In the words of Laura, "Those guys are pussies".

8:50am: We just saw a road-killed moose! A big one! Just laying by the side of the road. So those signs are true, the mooses really do cross the road. Glad it wasn't me who hit it.

"Buffalo Eggs"?...and "Buffalo Chicken"... hahaha! Eggs and chicken. Don't ask. We don't know either. I warned 'em!! About those eggs and about those chickens.

Van Log, oh little van log, I'm going to hold you in my lap until just the right moment & I don't know when that will be.

Day 9, 9:57 am: We're watching tragedy in action as our deal beloved mascot, Sam-On, is about to lose his left front fin. We're going into surgery right now with the wonder adhesive, Shoe Goo

Medical Update: At 10:01am, surgery was complete. Here's Dr. Todd for comments: "I gooped it on, Mel kind of spread it out, and Sam-On looks much happier."

We stopped at a Chevron in New Hazelton, Canada & I bought a Coffee Crisp. It says, [Reads ingredients in French]..."Makes a nice light snack." And Laura, remembering her hallucinations, got a Mirage & it is [Reads ingredients in French]...I don't know. It's thick, yet light! We're gonna all sample these. See what this Canadian candy is all about.

I've made an observation about the people indigenous to this mountain area. I think that, for some reason, evolution has seen fit to give these people exceptionally long arms. Now, my evidence for this is the fact that the toilet paper roll is an exceptionally long way from the toilet. Smilin' Sam must be from here originally. Lick it, Like it, Love it.

Our reactions to the Coffee Crisp: MMMMM!!!! MMMMMMM!!!!! Yeah, I like that. I can't taste the coffee. I can't either. OK, let's get the van started up.

My Mirage is like a chocolate sponge. It's very light.

Batman! Batman! Batman!

[Entire van crew sings along with the Batman theme song playing on the tapedeck]

10:59 am: We've decided that we are going across into Alaska about 200 miles from here, to this bar where we're going to get "Hyderized". If Laura & I don't get carded. Laura is going to start flashing a "Joint" sign at any car we pass.

12:03 pm: We're 2 miles over our 200 mile rule-of-thumb for getting gas. It's raining & we're going to run out of gas. Maybe, if we just ignore it, we won't. I've been bowing to those crows. Roll up that window for gas mileage!

12:06 pm: We're seen a sign, "Gas - Next Right"! I'd like to say thanks to our own personal deities - Thanks! We just passed the turn! We've pulled into a construction site & we're going to get some gas! I bet it's 60 cents per liter. I'm glad it's not my turn.

12:14pm: The van is 57 degrees, which is starting to feel pretty warm. We got gas. It was 60 cents per liter. It was Jon's turn, he put out $40.16! But it is nonetheless, an oasis of salvation. Otherwise we'd be stranded by the roadside in much worse spirits than we are now. In the cold rain. We're now leaving this oasis of construction & going back on the 37 North.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Detour into Hyder, Alaska:At this point, we briefly leave British Columbia and take a 200 mile recreational detour into Hyder, Alaska, to achieve "Hyderization". While Hyder is technically Alaska, it is not our destination as it has no roads to the state's interior. It is connected by road only to Canada. It is only Alaska in name. For our purposes, it might as well be part of Canada.

Follow Us to Hyder, AK

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Back to British Columbia, Canada:

7:45 pm: We're at a strange place here with way overpriced gasoline. I started pumping it in, then Mel told me there's another place less than 20 miles away. So we're gonna do that.

9:27 pm: The return of Mel at the wheel. No inane ramblings. We just had a $48 fill-up. I gave up driving until I have my own car where, if I crash, it's my own fucking problem and nobody else has to worry about a thing.

We just saw a bear! Big black bear!! He was wandering through the pine forest. It looked like he had a human arm in his mouth. I think it was a fish. It was a pretty roly poly bear. I don't know if it was necessarily a black bear or grizzly bear or maybe just a teddy bear. I don't really know. It was a bear.

Not to be anti-climactic, but then we saw a rooster across the street. Black Rooster.

10:19 pm: A lumbering porcupine walking along the road. Last time, we saw wolverines. Had big adamantium claws on them. We saw some with blue boots and some with brown boots.

We just saw the porcupine's buddy. We just saw another porcupine. They're out in troops today. Screwy, Loony, and Dewey.

We just saw numbers 4 and 5 together by the road.

6th porcupine!

7 porcupines!!

11:15pm: There's a moose running away from us. Fully antlered, hump backed, cute big old moose. The first live moose we've seen. Anticipating more.

11:34 pm: The 8th porcupine of the day. We're on a roll.

12:01 am: We're gonna go down and look at a lake in the mountains. Mel's foot is fucked up! It's really swollen, but he's not feeling any pain, so he isn't taking it seriously like he should be.

What would I do to take it seriously?

Stay off of it.

Yeah right, so I've gotta sit in the van while you guys go off and have fun? Forget about it.

We'll pull over and you can get some wood and you can make a crutch out of a pine tree.

The lake was nice and clear. Laura found some seagull footprints and the mosquitos were terrible.

Jon is picking up telepathic vibes from the Van Crew.

I'm telepathic...HaHaHa...I knew what tape Todd was going to play and I knew what tape Laura wanted to hear.

Get out of my head, man!

I'm in Mel's head telling him to get that foot looked at, but he's fighting me all the way on it. He's got a strong will, but I'll break that will.

Forward!
Into the Yukon Territory

Or, go anywhere:

Van Log '94: A Collective Narrative:

Forward by Todd South Dakota, pt. 1 Washington

Leaving Indiana South Dakota, pt. 2 British Columbia

Illinois Wyoming Hyder, AK (side trip)

Wisconsin Montana Yukon Territory

Minnesota Idaho Alaska

Van Log, 1994: Hyder, AK (Brit. Col. Side Trip)

[Side trip into Hyder, Alaska, on our way through British Columbia. The proper entrance to Alaska is north through the Yukon Territory, so we continued on through Canada after this excursion.]

We're on the Alkean Highway, pretty good road isn't it? I love driving on this road! Lots of curves & hills, but they're perfectly spaced out and you can still maintain a good speed. Nothing too extreme, but there's constant adjustment. Keeps you occupied. This must be what it's like to drive a stick.

This Dylan from Yorkshire, England. I'm gonna do some laundry.

Hi. My name's Frank. We just got picked up from British Columbia. I'm gonna go get my wing fixed.

1:15 pm: We're in Hyder, it's small. We're gonna get "Hyderized". Glacier Inn bar & liquor store.

We're drunk. We're outside the Glacier Inn. We've all been Hyderized & that consists of drinking a shot of pure grain alcohol - an ounce.

We got a certificate for it, each has been witnessed by the other three from the van & a hitchhiker. Now Todd & Mel are shooting pool & we're gonna go in & interview the waitress. She has a lot of good stories. I've heard her talking to the locals - to the visitors - she's the local. We're now in Alaska. Hyder.

Incredible fog. Everybody's got a stagger in this town & there's a lonely little puppy leaning against the wall for support. He gave me a shake & I didn't even ask for it.

Do you wanna say something? Can you speak? Speak! Squeek? Shake? He's hanging his head, maybe he's sad. Maybe he doesn't have an owner. Is he skinny? No. He's fat. Well fed.

Hyder, Alaska.

Wall of the Glacier Inn.

Getting Hyderized.

We Love Hyder!

The walls here are covered with money, supposedly from the old gold miners who'd do that to stake a claim. But really it's just alcoholics.

The tourists have placed their own dollars with their own signatures to show they've been here.

Want me to scratch your belly? My hands are filthy. So are mine. Wanna shake? Hey, Do you know if he has an owner?

Yeah, the people who own the bar.

He's the bar dog, eh? Oh. Okay.

Now we'll go into the bar. Our hands are really filthy. From the dog.

Can you say something for our Van Log?

You bet. Hello, You are talking to Caroline from Hyder, AK. I'm currently up to the absolutely rottenest task. Making a dirty letter to my boss using $2 bills. I'm currently taking bills & I'm putting them on the wall, spelling out "Fuck You, Buzzy". You know me. You know Buzzy. He'll never notice & I'll enjoy laughing about this for a year.

I've just completed the "F".

"Fuck You, Buzzy."

My claim to fame is, in tending bar in Hyder for hundreds of years, I can speed Hyderize.

[Recites Hyderization rap super fast:]

What I have before you is a water chaser, this in the other hand, is a house special. You may not taste it or smell it first. You have to knock it back straight one time & one time only... On the count of 3, down the hatch. 1,2,3. Congratulations, you've just been Hyderized with 1 ounce of Everclear 190 proof straight grain alcohol. Here's you card, sign your name to it...Welcome to Hyder & have a nice day. Bingo! We're done! Thank you.

Todd sank the 9 ball. Todd has me at a distinct disadvantage because his cue ball landed right touch the 12 ball, which I cannot touch in order to make my shot. This is going to be a close game. Both Todd & Mel only have the 8 ball on the table.

Mel failed to sink the 8 ball, now it's up to Todd. I have a dime, Canadian, on Todd. Laura has a dime, Canadian, on Mel. Todd's aiming...that also did not go in.

Where'd that money go? The dimes are gone. The money that me & Laura were wagering is gone. Missing from the table.

Todd sank the 8 & has won the game! Mel's winning streak is ended. If I were to lose to anybody on the planet, I'm glad it's Todd Gilliom.

Coming over the border, we thought there'd be another search, but our hitchhikers informed us there is no border patrol here. They said, "There used to be a sign, but it fell down". So that's a way to get into Alaska if you've got a bag of dope. But we don't.

I admit I stole those dimes.

I talked to an old woman, she's here from South Africa & she was part of the white apartheid group. She said she knew absolutely nothing of the atrocities that were going on in the black neighborhoods and she's really glad Mandela has been in. And since Mandela's been in, there's been a wealth of information given to the white populace about the atrocities. I'm sure it's denial. It could be, but she seemed pretty sincere about it. Her name was Myra. Myra from South Africa.. The way she pronounced her vowels was just beautiful.

Our first beer when we get to Alaska is dedicated to James & Jamie in Gillette, Wyoming! Hey! This is our second....OH!! Yaaayyyy!!!! James & Jamie in Gillette, Wyoming!! May they enjoy their jobs at Subway and everything afterwards. The point is - We got that responsibility out of the way. Now all we have to worry about is the first bowl for Chuck & Digger. Which will be glorious. After that, we're free.

Mel is the most sociable person - flashing peace signs at guys in Volvos. I like talking to people. The only way to meet people is to be sociable with them because they're not going to be sociable with you. More than I like talking to people, Mel does. I'm having a great time! This is fun! The Glacier Inn. Hyder, Alaska.

Mel's not too uninhibited. I should let out a war whoop right now, but there's too many people. We all have Ranier, thanks to Jon. From beer pressure to peer pressure is the difference of another beer. One more, or one less, it depends on your mood. Shame on me. He about sunk the 8 ball. My money's on Laura. Mine's on Mel. It always has been. Though I defeated him.

Shit! Mel sunk the black ball! I've got the dough! I'm buying the pork rinds.

I need a pack of Camel Special Lights in a bag. I'm taking a pack of GPCs out of the milk crate. Mine's under the bunk on the right hand side. Here you go! Here's the keys! Go!!

These microwaved pork rinds, they're terrible. Have one.

No!

One!

No!

I dare you!

No!

You played me in pool. That was pretty daring.

Not as daring as eating fucking fried pork skin.

"60% less fat than fried pork rinds", but they're still disgusting. They're nuclear pork rinds.

I finished my last beer.

I haven't.

I'm down to 3 dollars, Canadian.

I've got 20, Canadian.

I've got 23 dollars, American.

I've got 2 dollars, Canadian, 2 dollars, American, & a credit card.

This pork rind's like a bone. We're in Alaska, we're just not where we want to be in Alaska. I like Kool Milds. It doesn't get your fix though. It's like smoking a candy cane. You'd think that would cover up the breath, but it really makes it worse.

I try to do this on the sly. I'm only doing this because you don't live here. Who are you gonna tell? You never know. We could become tree planters & come in and tell your boss. We're fishers. We're Hoosiers. Corn planting. Born & bred. I've never lived on a farm.

But you've lived by a farm that's had cornfields before, haven't you?

Yeah.

Jon, you'd better take this 'cause I just drank from it. I'm sorry. Laura is helping Caroline with the staple gun. Come on, Jon. You're up for pool.

OK. Quincy's is an ash.

Caroline, she brought my coat & flannel to me, which I forgot in the bar and she said, "Come here. I've got something to show you...". She paints! She's got water colors and a beautiful beautiful painting that she did of the mountains. She does these regularly & she sells them as postcards around here.That's fucking cool! I'd be totally satisfied with a job like that.

It's raining & we can't get the stove to work. Every other time we try it, it doesn't work. Then every other other time, it does work. Either it's bad karma, or we're just fucking up.

Day 8 - 5:42pm: We left the Glacier Inn. Laura & I made sandwiches. Todd & Jon are having chips. And Todd & Jon are trying to figure out where we're going. I don't know where we're going. Todd is concentrated. In talking to Dylan & Frank, I learned a lot about Europe. All that decadence & sex & chaos you hear about? It's true. Laura's stealing my chips. There's decadence here too. We could be in Amsterdam.