Enhanced Peanuts

Peanuts strip customized my James A.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Jan. 8, 2005]

The Muffs

The Muffs at Alex's Bar, Long Beach, CA; June, 2013.

I got to meet Kim Shattuck! I told her we used to play Blonder and Blonder all the time in Alaska.

The Muffs.

Stan, At Attention

Stanley Wood, at attention.

Stanley Wood.

True Security Guard Fantasies

In the late 1980s, I had started college and was working a third-shift security guard job in a factory, from about 11:00 in the evening until 7:00 in the morning.

There weren’t too many responsibilities; I would just make hourly patrols. I think it was an insurance thing for them. I liked it because I could study between rounds.

I only bring this up because I remembered another guard there named Werner. He was one of those out-of-shape idiot wannabe cops who thought a low-level security guard job was the same thing as joining a SWAT team.

Anyway, I only bring up Werner because of his messed-up fantasy life. I remember one particular shift change when he started rambling on and on about how he’d love for somebody to try to break into his house so he could shoot them legally. If they weren’t armed, he said, he would put another gun in their hand to justify the shooting.

One night, he drew me a diagram of his fantasy home, which included a large pyramid structure with a hot tub at the top. All three sides of the pyramid were made up of stairs, like this:

Werner's fantasy love-spa.

It was really important to him that the pyramid be tall enough so that he could survey the entire surrounding area from the comfort of his hot tub, ensuring that no one could ever sneak up on him. I couldn't quite understand why he felt so strongly about this, particularly in the context of the hot tub.

As if that weren't strange enough, he shared a fantasy where he was in the hot tub with his wife, surrounded by a stash of guns just in case he needed them. Suddenly, he notices someone trying to sneak up the side of his pyramid.

He said he would climb out of the hot tub, ask his wife to tie a towel around his exposed privates, and then shoot the intruder without hesitation.

As the fantasy continued, more people appeared, coming from all sides of the pyramid. He was being swarmed! He dealt with the situation by firing at everyone, all while his wife kept handing him fresh ammunition.

Werner's action sequence.

???? - What kind of fucked up fantasy is that?

He also was 100% POSITIVE that he could write an amazing screenplay based around that scenario. Maybe that is why he was so concerned about covering up his privates. I don't know why he would care otherwise.

Poor stupid Werner.

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, June 16, 2005]

Half Yards

Gill Bros w/ half yards in St. Louis, Mo.

Gill Bros. - Todd & Jonnie.

Rebel Leady Work Site

 I'm on an ongoing job in Irvine. The work site is cool, I like that it's not cluttered like some of these operations sometimes are.

Dirt lot, equipment, and steel plates.

More of the same.

And, if you ever need chains, they have a shitload:

A shitload of chains.

I like it here. They don't care if I take occassional time off to continue volunteering at my intership site, so it'll get me by untilsomething better comes along.

And, it says a lot about  company when they have a cool logo. This place's logo depicts a rickety old truck with a huge bicep attached to the back holding a giant steel plate.  They have the logo on their staff t-shirts and on the mudflaps of their trucks.

So, that's another reason I like working there.

[Originally posted on Rebel Leady Boy, May 26, 2005]

Mr. T's Birthday

Here's a photo collage of my friend Wendy and I celebrating, "Mr. T's Birthday." We were really just enjoying the novelty of a rubber Mr. T head attached to the end of a walking cane accompanied by various fast foods.

Mr. T's Birthday.

Forward to G-ville

Forward to I Left My Heart in Gilliomville
By Donald Kilbuck

I could laugh and sometimes put on my shades and cry for all it's worth and be mad for just a little while and wonder if it's my eyes with my scope on Gilliomville.org and other ends of the earth that may clown me into laughter much for thoughts that aren't all into focus butt tasty places to chop the foods that people eat. u r what u eat.

I'm getting hungery and i only had coffee this morning. I will go rake Harold's lawn about 1:00 PM and bring along something to eat from Costco:  a burned Chicken for $5.99. Good price for a cooked chick.

[From "I Left My Heart in Gilliomville," 2008]

Editor's Introduction

Editor's Introduction to I Left My Heart in Gilliomville
By Jonnie 

For the most part, this volume’s text was taken directly from posts made to the Gilliomville Message Board between Oct. 2001 and Oct. 2008 – W’s post-9-11 years. In some cases, the text was not always copied verbatim. Some things have been altered slightly in the interest of conciseness or clarity. I also paraphrased occasionally and followed most spell-check recommendations when appropriate or if funny and/or interesting.

Some of the text is original to this document. My father (“Uncle Jon”) and Uncle Rick’s ex-wife, Deb, provided some really good stories which fit the spirit of this publication, even though they did not formally appear on the original message board. I also added some personal recollections when they complimented a particular discussion or line of inquiry. I sometimes added editorial notes as well.

I related the story about me and Nick getting kicked off the golf course from memory because its original discussion on the Messageboard was fragmented and probably confusing to anybody who wasn’t there.

It took some effort to make sense of the multitude of random messageboard posts that have accumulated over the years, but I think this book’s five sections provide a reasonable categorization scheme.

Anyway, thanks to everybody for contributing Gilliom/Frank lore and for participating in Gilliomville over the years. When I started the original message board, I had no idea we would still be regularly using it seven years in the future. 

[From "I Left My Heart in Gilliomville," 2008]

A Valentine to Gilliomville

I was pondering what the real draw of Gilliomville might be, for me at least, and stupid comparisons to tv families aside, it is this:

You all seem to take real joy in one another, and in existence. And in barbecued meats.

But really, that's what got me--that you're this family that's by no means wholesome or bland, you're all funny and engaged in one another's lives to an extent that you built a website to stay in touch with one another.

This strikes me as amazing, poignant, admirable. Maybe this says more about me than any Gilliom out there. It probably does. But Gilliomville stands against the collective American mythology of the dysfunctional, suffocating American family and I for one find that fascinating, comforting, inspiring, even. And you do it without being insipid, cloying, conventional or square. There seems to be so much love, support, and respect passing back and forth. It made me want to call my far flung family and start up a similar arena.

I dunno. It seems like computer culture is a culture of alienation and capitalism, but this site shows it doesn't have to be; that there are other possibilities.

So you see, the Gillioms stand for something, and Gilliomville is a url of entertainment, free thinking and hope. Vicarious thrills aside, that is why I return ever and again.

So maybe you all aren't really great emblems, maybe I'm just a sad little voyeur, or maybe it's some of both, but--I dunno, you made something powerful. Bet you had no idea.

thanks
AmyJo

[From "I Left My Heart in Gilliomville," 2008]

Knife Day

[From RW...BS's "Knife Day"]

I have 2 knives of note -

1. My first knife ever:

My first knife ever.

This was a gift from my father when I was 6 years old or so. The little metal plate says "Old Timer" and I've placed it on a bag of small flour tortillas for scale.

It is notable for not having a safety lock, so if you're not careful, the blade can close on your fingers while you're cutting something. Strange choice of gift for a six year old child. It taught me at a very early age to be careful when using knives.

2. Ulysses' Death Knife:

Ulysses' Death Knife.

I acquired this knife in Los Angeles when Ulysses (the guy who rented the basement of Miski's house) moved out and left it stuck in a tree. Miski didn't want it, but said I could have it. It is also placed on the same bag of small flour tortillas for scale.

I still use knives when needed, but I don't always use cutting boards. Somewhere along the line, I've acquired the habit of cutting vegetables while holding them in my hand.  I did this with a bell pepper at my Chinese Professor's house when she invited the class over and she was startled and horrified.  I keep my home knives pretty dull, but hers was super sharp, so that's probably why she over reacted.

[Originally posted on The Real World...Blogger Style!, Sep. 3, 2005]

Ten Years Later

Revisiting the train tracks of San Bernardino in 2011.

San Bernardino tracks.

Surviving being hit by a moving train is an incredibly rare and dangerous experience that can result in serious injury or death. However, for those who do survive, there are several lessons that can be learned:

1. The importance of being aware of your surroundings: When near a train track, it's critical to be aware of your surroundings and pay attention to warning signals, signs, and barriers.
2. The consequences of taking risks: Attempting to cross a train track or trespassing on a train track can have serious and potentially deadly consequences. It's important to assess risks carefully and make safe choices.
3. The resilience of the human body: Surviving being hit by a train is a testament to the resilience of the human body. While it's important to avoid taking unnecessary risks, it's also important to remember that the human body can recover from injuries and traumas.
4. The value of life: Surviving a near-death experience can be a powerful reminder of the value of life and the importance of making the most of the time we have. It can inspire individuals to prioritize their goals and pursue their passions.

Overall, surviving being hit by a moving train is an incredibly dangerous and traumatic experience that should be avoided at all costs. However, for those who do survive, there can be important lessons to learn about safety, resilience, and the value of life.   - Chatgpt

How It Happened

Azar's Big Boy restaurant in Fort Wayne used to give out free Big Boy comics.  I saved this section at some point during high school and kept it pinned to a bulletin board in my room for years.  It always made me laugh. I probably still have it.

Why are you here?

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Nov. 7, 2004]

Don't Go To Bed...

So, this morning, a guy I'm making a website for tells me about a bail bondsman he knows named Moses.  When I asked who Moses was, he told me Moses was an ex-biker, turned bail bondsman/bounty hunter with a steel CAGE built into the trunk of his car. For people. He is apparently a hard core mother fucker.

But the best thing of all about Moses his his promotional t-shirt:

Moses' promotional t-shirt.

Nothing subtle about it.

And if that isn't enough to cram onto one shirt, the front displays a huge caption:

"Don't go to bed with a price on your head."

The sleeves are emblazoned with sharks:

Sleeve detail.

I just can't believe the awesomeness of this t-shirt. The back panel incorporates Moses posed as the Biblical Moses, parting a shark infested ocean so a car can drive through. The caption reads, "When you're in deep water, call Moses."

Back panel images, wide view.

8 Commandments detail.

"Thou shall not croak."

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, May 18, 2004]

Cheap Video Reviews: NKOTB - Hangin' Tough

Hangin' Tough.

VHS. 1989.

Boz sent me a copy of New Kids On The Block’s Hangin' Tough videotape which he acquired for a mere 25 cents; a fair price.

The video contains four music videos with some behind the scenes road footage included to fill the tape out to a full 30 minutes.

NKOTB were 1.) Joey Joe, pre-teen of the group; 2.) Donnie, the wigger; 3.) Jordan, who wears a Batman shirt exactly like one I used to have; 4.) John, who has no personality but is often considered the most handsome of the group; and 5.) Apeface (Danny).

The video opens with black and white footage of the group's tour bus and Jordan comments that his favorite part of being on the road is looking out the bus window and "watching the world go by,:

Joey Joe.

Then all of a sudden - BAM! - we're watching the group's first video, "Please Don't Go Girl", featuring Joey Joe on vocals.

Jordan (wearing a hat with a giant bill) also plays a big part in this song. The other three stick with background vocals and come off as a chorus of douche bags. 

The video is divided between performance footage and video of the group following a girl with a huge curl on her head (and her friend) around in an amusement park.

Please don't go, curl.

In the video's story line, Jordan flirts with the girls after all five New Kids have been following them around all day. He makes them laugh then eats a hot dog with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Joey Joe is just too young for the girls, although they find him adorable. He sings practically the whole song though. It's probably about a girl who's mom is making her leave the amusement park and Joey Joe wishes she didn't have to leave.

After the first video, we go to footage of the New Kids fucking around with a bunch of old casino signs in Las Vegas. Danny is filming the rest of them on his personal videocassette recorder.

Then - BAM! - we're watching the "Right Stuff" video!

In this video, the New Kids On The Block are having the time of their life riding around in a convertible.

They notice a couple of girls and everybody except young Joey Joe goes over to flirt with them.

While everyone is posturing and grabbing each other's asses, Joey Joe steals the car and drives off while laughing like a little maniac.

The other New Kids on the Block chase after him. Under-aged driving is no joke to the elder NKOTB members. The girls think it's hilarious and adorable though.

"The Right Stuff" performance footage includes a lot of heavily choreographed dancing. Gone are the days of the douche bag background singers. NKOTB are now a well-oiled high performance machine. You have to give them some kind of credit for that.

Then there's more candid tour bus footage of Donnie talking like a thug while playing video games in a hat.

Cut to dinner time and Jordan complaining that they always get served fried chicken: "When we get to a new city, we think we're gonna have something different [for dinner]", but it's always fried chicken."

Cut to Donnie talking shit - "We always drink milk with our meals...we never drink soda".

This is the same Donnie who, a couple of years later, was arrested for pouring a bottle of vodka on the rug of his hotel room and lighting it on fire.

All of a sudden, we see the sound man's microphone poke up against Jordan. The camera pans along the mic stand to reveal Joey Joe dressed up like a sound guy!

Haha! Joey Joe's the sound man!

Hangin' Tough.

The other New Kids find this absolutely hilarious and they all convulse in hysterics, Jordan can hardly breathe from laughing so hard.This scene reminds you that NKOTB are not yet mature adults.

The final video, “Hangin' Tough” features a more experienced, more mature NKOTB. No more dicking around. This is when Joey Joe started wearing the hat with the top cut out of it.

The video documents the New Kids' rise to greatness and includes tons of footage of little girls freaking out while they perform.

Donnie's Home Boy t-shirt.

The song also features Donnie's famous "Home Boy" t-shirt.

At the end, there's a half-assed statement in which Jordan states, "New Kids On The Block is about being yourself, it's not about being cool."

I enjoyed watching this one time, but just once. I’d say it was worth the 25 cent price tag. It was kind of nostalgic to see my old Batman shirt.

More Smiles Per Gallon

I used to refer to this Sunoco sign as, "the face that haunts my nightmares." It seemed to be posted everywhere in Bloomington, Indiana in 1992.

Jonnie On Enrichment

Today is the two month anniversary of The Real World ... Blogger Style.
Your assignment is to write a post telling how being a member of the house has enriched your life.   -  Boz 3/19/2004 

Joining the blog-house has been much like accidentally falling into a swimming pool fully clothed at a public event. Initially embarrassing, and your money’s no good. But also, kind of invigorating and often refreshing, depending on the weather.

The RWBS has enriched my life far more than a job ever could.

[ Originally posted on The Real World…Blogger Style! – March 19, 2004 ]

Christmas Eve, 2004

Merry Christmas, blog.

Ho Ho Ho

I give you the gift of information 

(courtesy of Levins, Hoag. American Sex Machines: The Hidden History of Sex at the U.S. Patent Office. 1996. Adams Media Corp. Holbrook Mass) 

How to connect your wiener to a tape recorder:

How to attach your wiener to a tape recorder.

From the original blog comments:

*Hahahaha, what would be the point?

*To give it an interview, of course!

*I don't want to ruin the illusion, but I believe this diagram was from when computer data was stored on tape rather than disk...but the notion of attaching a wiener to a tape deck is much more intriguing than attaching a wiener to a computer, so I just ignored the original context.

*Why would anyone attach their wiener to a computer? Is it like those monster movies where the disembodied brain rules its minions via computer? Only in this case it is the wiener that gives commands from its plasma tank.

*There must be a million good reasons for attaching your wiener to a computer. Maybe take it's temperature.

*A key here, being that I'm a technical person, is how much bandwidth you could transmit by using indirect contact. Your wiener knows more than he's letting on you know.

[Originally posted on I'm Nacho Steppinstone, Dec. 24, 2004]

Van Log, 1994: A Collective Narrative

Van Log '94.

May, 1994: Brother Todd and I, along with our friends Mel and Laura, left our hometown of Columbia City, Indiana, to embark on a cross-country road trip to Valdez, Alaska. Officially, we made the journey to work in the fishing industry, but it was also about getting some kicks and enjoying a change of scenery. We drove Todd’s green 1974 Ford Econoliner van, complete with a fried egg decal on the side and orange shag carpet on the interior walls.

Van Log: We brought along an audio cassette tape recorder to log any comments or observations we felt were worth remembering. The recorder, along with the collection of nine or ten audio tapes we made, became known as the "Van Log."Van Log 1994 is a collective narrative, much like Wikipedia. Instead of identifying individual speakers when transcribing the audio tapes, I blended everyone’s statements into one running commentary. The same paragraph might incorporate statements from any or all four of us, or it could even include comments from a fifth or sixth person who happened to be around the tape recorder at the time. Van Log '94 is perfectly coherent without identifying each individual speaker, though I occasionally placed conversational dialogue in quotation marks to indicate when a conversation was taking place between two (or more) people.

We were all unseasoned travelers at the time, and what might come across as naive, irresponsible, or even stupid in these logs was, in reality, just careless youthful exuberance and (possibly misdirected) lust for life in all of us. Some of the things we did were embarrassingly stupid, but that was part of the adventure—learning through experience, no matter how misguided at times.

Forward by Todd               South Dakota, pt. 1               Washington

Leaving Indiana                South Dakota, pt. 2               British Columbia

Illinois                               Wyoming                               Hyder, AK (side trip)

Wisconsin                         Montana                                Yukon Territory

Minnesota                         Idaho                                     Alaska

                                    

Van Log, 1994: Forward by Todd

The Van Log was a good companion in 1994. A battery-operated one-speaker cassette recorder/player, a confidant, and a witness to a cross-country trek of four Hoosier youths in search of adventure and fortune in the fish processing industry of Valdez, Alaska.

Adventure is easily had for such an optimistic and desperate troupe as we were, equipped with a knack for being entranced by nearly anything to be found outside our small hometown in Indiana. The notion of finding fortune (the other goal of our journey) in fish processing is, of course, absurd.

We might now be judged to have acted foolishly or naively, but the truth is that while we sought adventure and fortune, we did not really care that much whether we succeeded or not.

Three of us had made various parts of the journey before, so we knew ahead of time some of the possibilities and hardships that lay before us. So, with nothing to gain or lose, we hoped for the best.

In 1994, the Van Log was nothing new however. The idea of the Van Log was originated in 1992, by a different group of travelers, two of whom returned for the 1994 trip. The term "Van Log" was originally derived from Star Trek's "Captain's Log," and some of the entries include reference to "Van Date," an attempt to transform a clear statement of date and time into a confusing jumble of numbers, in imitation of the star dates on Star Trek. At some point, the jumbled van date is abandoned in favor of just saying what time it is.

Van Log O.G.s, 1992: Mel, Todd, & Ross.

On to part 1: Leaving Indiana

Or, go anywhere:  

Van Log '94: A Collective Narrative:

Forward by Todd               South Dakota, pt. 1               Washington

Leaving Indiana                South Dakota, pt. 2               British Columbia

Illinois                               Wyoming                               Hyder, AK (side trip)

Wisconsin                         Montana                                Yukon Territory

Minnesota                         Idaho                                     Alaska