Records of Time

Getting rid of a stack of old Time magazines, Columbia City, IN; March 18, 1993:

A. Our first delivery was to Ballard Wood at the Columbia City Kentucky Fried Chicken. We gave him (or more literally, gave his manager) the December 25, 1989 issue of Time with Tom Cruise on the cover. Scrawled in red ink was the personalized message, “For Ballard, Love Ya”.

B. The second delivery was delivered with legal sanction after a girl at the Kentucky Fried Chicken had interpreted the Tom Cruise issue of Time magazine as a “pornographic book” and called the police who were glad to learn that we were only getting rid of our old Times. It was at this point when we received legal sanction and the Law suggested writing “For Ya” instead of “Love Ya” on the cover of future issues. We decided to avoid the problem entirely and wrote instead, “Time, Time, Do You Have Enough Time?” on the cover of the December 11, 1989 issue of Time (the cover was very good and depicted both George Bush and Gorbachev) and delivered it anonymously into the mailbox on the intersection of 9 and 14.

C. The third delivery was for the Yoders and was, more specifically, the January 15, 1990 issue of Time featuring an Antarctica cover story with a gorgeous penguin on the cover. We added, “Time, Time, Do You Have Enough Time?” in red ink.

D. The next delivery was one of the most appropriate ones of all. We found the January 1, 1990 “Man of the Decade” issue which boasted a huge close-up of Gorbachev’s face in a stately greyish silver hue. It looked just like Bob Britain, and in fact that’s exactly who we delivered it to, with “Bob, Bob, Do You Have Enough Time?” scrawled across the massive face. It was a very good tribute to Bob we thought.

E. The January 22, 1990 issue of Time (the one with the “Murder in Boston” cover story) was delivered in person by myself to Quincy’s pool hall (to Todd Wise in particular) with the message, “Quincy’s Quincy’s Do You Have Enough Balls?” written on it. I was very embarrassed to deliver this to them in person.

F. A random mailbox on Airport Road received the February 26, 1990 issue of Time with the curious message, “Time, Time, Do You Have Enough Time?” written on the cover.

G. This is delivery “G”, but in reality FOUR deliveries were actually left here because it was Chad Fry’s house. I’ll describe them all individually.

1. The first was for Chad and was the February 5, 1990 issue of Time featuring a “Mandela: Free `at Last” cover story. We added, “Chad, Chad, Go! GO! GO!” in red marker.                2. The March 2, 1990 issue was dedicated to Travis Fry, the cover dealing with Soviet Disunity. We added in red ink, “Travis, Travis, Do You Have Enough Time?”               3. We saved the “Starting Over” February 19, 1990 issue of Time for Denny and wrote in black, “Denny, Denny, Do You Have Enough Time?”               4. Finally, we gave Kathy the March 5, 1990 issue of Time which dealt with the subject of  “Gossip”.  We, in all respect wondered, and added in red, “Kathy, Kathy, How Much Can You Take?”

H. Julie Kissinger was the recipient of the December 4, 1989 issue of Time which dealt with the subject of “Women in the 90s”. We added the question, “Time, Time, Do You Have Enough Time?” to the original cover. I think we missed her mailbox, but she should have found the magazine anyway. It was laying in plain sight at the base of the mailbox. I wish we would have put it in the mailbox properly. But I wouldn’t consider that to be a mistake, its just a personal improvement that I would have made if I weren’t outvoted by the others.

I. The February 12, 1990 issue of Time featured a cover story about, “The Germans” and we gave this one to Jet and Anne Thompson along with the question, “Anne, Anne, and Jet, Jet, Which Side Are You On?” There was controversy in the van about adding Anne to the message, but I did and we couldn’t really just scribble her name out once it was written.

J. A glorious delivery was made to the home of Duane and Mel. We left them the “When Tyrants Fall” issue of Time (the specific date of which has been lost in our records), to which we added, “Time, Time, Do You Have Enough Time?”.

K. Mr. Longenbaugh received the January 29, 1990 issue of Time (an issue dealing with the NRA). We originally meant to give it to Bryan, so it said, “Bryan, Bryan, Do You Have Enough time?” on the cover.

L. A December 1989 issue of Time, an issue addressing the problem of “Money Laundering” was delivered to Mrs. Stroup. On the cover was written, “Senora! Senora! Donde esta su penis?” Before each “Senora”, an upside-down exclamation mark was added in the Spanish style. I also jotted a little bit more Spanish on the back cover, but our record of this is lost. I just thought I’d mention it. It was no big deal.

M. The March 26, 1990 issue of Time (featuring “The Germans”) was intended for Shane Yunken, but was left in the yard of one of his neighbors instead. We wrote “Time, Time, Do You Have Enough Time?” on the cover.

N. The November 27, 1989 issue of Time was left out for the Ivys. The cover story dealt with “Art and Money” and we asked the question (in writing, not in person), “Time, Time, Do You Have Enough Time?”. It was left on a pile of debris in their yard.